why is it so easy for him to take her effort of saving what they have for granted?
why is it so easy for him to just leave?
why men choose to hurt women?
why does this things has to happen?
wondering how this things happen in just one blink of the eye.....i keep asking myself, bakit ba pagpinagkatiwalaan mo ang isang tao, he ended up hurting you....leave you hanging...leaving you with nothing and empty handed...why simple things are the one who seems hard to achieve.....? why people turn to be bad even if they are not...?
bakit ang mga lalake, nang-iiwan lang...if they get what they want at kapag nagsawa na sila...bakit ndi sila makontento of what they have?
kagabi, isang kaibigan ang nag-open up sa kin...she's so hurt...full of pain...nakikita ko sa kanya ung ginawa ko for someone....ung lumaban para maisave ang relationship...per0 magkaiba kami in a way that, the person she fights for, appreciate her and still holding on... but then when one of them gives up, its the end...i just hope they find in their hearts that they deserve each other a chance...forget what happen in the past...lam kung mahirap, as in..pe0 if mahal talaga nila ang isat-isa...kaya nila eh....ang mahirap lang kasi kapag ung trust na ung nawala eh...per0 if they still love and trust each other, they deserve a chance.....at sana marealize nila un...
sadly, mine had ended.....the one i fought for given up...but then, i'm not bitter anymore....i actually learned to live my life without him....kung ndi nya nakita ang WORTH ko, eh ano?marami pang mas deserving jan...marami pang ta0ng nagmamahal sa kin who will never leave me and drop me like a mush potato....i even learned to fight for myself...pursue my happiness, my life.....i can tell them that i'm happy being alone and without a guy in my life...i'm happy exploring things....ndi nman kasi ako nag-iisa eh..i have a lot of people who loves me more....more than i thought they can love me...siguro sila ung mga FEW people who appreciate me and consider me as one of their treasures....at the end of the day, i never lost any, i gain...i gained friends...i regain myself...the old me but a much stronger me....
dati kala ko ndi ko kaya, pero look at me n0w....happy....and enj0ying life.....even if sucks, i have hundreds of reason to love it and enjoy it...
my bestfriend erika will be happy if she reads this...she knows me well.....:)
::loving the OLD ME with plus::
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
left...move on..forget
choice to be happy
i'm pursuing my happiness that's why i am contented being single...my choice to be happy and leave everything in God's Hand....leave my past behind and never look back sa mga bagay na can make me feel sad.....if i will think of my failed relationship, i will be sad, and i dont want that to happen..simply because, its not worth it anymore....now that i know my real worth...questions like what had happen, what have i done wrong, should not be a hindrance for me to be happy....though for sometime, i still asked that questions....i never thought that i can survive this...for i have given up.....but then, when i look at myself....i am not worthy of what had happen......if he doesnt recognize my worth it, fine....because i know, there are people who are more than willing to love me, take care of me and never hurt me..... a friend told me that i'm someone who wanted to rush things...that's kinda true....when that unexpected day happen, all i want is to move one and forget...i dont want to bear the pain for long...because i know if, it takes so long, i will be hurt...i will cry till i'm tired of it....there are times when i told that person to just kill me instead of what he had done...thanks to him, i am a better person....a much stronger and tougher one...someone who wont easily give up...someone who knows how to play her game....
i just hope one day, he still consider me as one of the most important person in his life (well, as what he said) and still consider me as his friend....our relationship as couple has ended...now that i have learned to move on and live my life without him for quite sometime and now i know that his happy just like me...i hope our friendship never ends this way......i dont want to lose someone who became my brother and my companion for the past 3 years...if our friendship means nothing to him...perhaps, as my friend tol me, i should forget, .......the way HE DID....
Monday, March 26, 2007
an open letter...again
no one,
i was thinking of things and life...how my perception in life change? how my life actually change....i admire those men who are honest but then the probabilty of this are too small.....i keep asking myself, men usually forget things easily..men took everything they wanted and leave us empty handed..leave us with nothing....its hard to generalize men, but that what seems to be the truth..(for my own opinion, i guess!?)
i know this person for quite sometimes....but after what had happen, he doesnt seem to know me...why is it so easy for someone to forget? questions still haunt me...and i'm getting tired of this...even our friends notice that he has change..(in a way of our friendship i guess...) perhaps, he's thinking that i am still hurt..but i'm not...it seems that i haven't influence him... end of this....
my sleepless night are yet over.....my insomia is back...i'm doing everything to sleep early but then no effect....i listen to mellow music...read books......etc...i don't know what else to do...i want to adjust my body clock but what else can i do.......i'm tired....i'm sleepy at noon time.....:(
Thursday, March 22, 2007
LOVE = LIFE
when i love...i just dont offer my love....
i offer my life......
::sadly dA oNe i LOVED (take note of the D) offer just love......::
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what you is is what you get!!!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
close encounter
i saw mr. reynaldo martinez just this afternoon....as the usual thing he does if he saw me, he smiles...it gives me happiness that he still knew me after the long time na hindi ako nakapunta sa kanila to pay them a visit.... still i have things i really wanted to do with them... for me, martinez family is my 2nd family, but i know i can't have them as my family... i miss tito bong, tita cora, si macky, si rey(though ndi nman madaldal, basta namimiss ko na sila), at lalong lalo na si ella....i miss how she make lambing and make kwento about something and anything......hayz, i miss her so much....... :(
i wish i can be with them...... even just before my plans of going somewhere....:(
forgiving
just last night i received a message from someone i dont expect to text me....the one, i wanted to be with, she might be someone i am afraid of, but then she's someone i wanted to bond with... she's nice... and just this afternoon, she texted me again and ask few questions....
i have forgiven you son, tita....i just hope makasama ko ulet kayo [kahit imposible na po....:) ] , miss ko na po ang family ny0...lalo na po ang only girl ny0, ella.....i miss her so much......
Monday, March 19, 2007
how could you?
how could an angel break my heart?
how could you say you love me?
how could lie to me?
:how could you?coz i dont deserve this....:
MEN are MEN
i just realize sobrang hirap magtiwala sa mga lalake...men doesn't deserve my trust...when you give trust to them, kung ano ano ginagawa behind our back.. its hard to trust them...
someone ask me kung galit daw ako dun sa gurl who replace me...i told her, i'm not....siguro natatanong ko lang sa sarili ko na, alam na naman nya na may girlfriend yun, would you be sweet to him that may eventualy make him fall for you....and to the guy, if you really love your girlfriend, kahit anong sweet pa ng ibang girls sa yo, wala kang pakialam sa kanila db? saka ano pa ang silbi if i get mad, wala naman db?
what happen to me, change my perception about men...dati sabi ko, ndi ko dapat lahatin ang mga lalake, per0 things that happen only prove me that men are the same....
men can not be trusted and they dont deserve trust......
Thursday, March 15, 2007
losing the friendship
seems like he forget who i am..
seems like i am no one...
seems like he never knew me...
seems like i'm just a name without a face....
seems like our friendship had been thrown to trash..
& seems like i've lost a friend
& with just a blink of an eye our friendship fades....
.....................................................and that makes me sad.....
give me reason
i realize men can not be contented with what they already have…
they searched for something else…
give me reason to hate you....
give me reason to forget you...
give me what i deserve....
when you lied......
i lied when i said i love you....
::please change::
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
how does it feel?
how does it feel to be the reason of a break-up?
how does it feel to be left alone?
how does it feel when you are the one who left?
how does it feel to be someone who dominate the game of love?
:: i'm tired of being nice!!!::
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
who are you?
Who are you to swindle me?
Who are you to judge me?
Who are you to rupture my dreams?
Who are you to make me fall?
Who are you to tell me what to do?
Who are you to delude me?
Who are you to leave me with this wretchedness?
Monday, March 12, 2007
God has reasons
wondering how God works?
its been while since i search for someone who will end my misery...
as of today 12:14 am, March 13, 2007 at San Pablo City...
my misery has ended...
i've seen the one i long been waited to see...
my curiousity ends...
my misery ends.....
my agony ends…
my crying days are over…
my life begins....
my hAppy Life is yet to begin...
life is a tough journey....
the sorrow, the pain may still hunts me
but I will face them…..
learning to live this life full of lie
full of insults..
full of bitches …..
that makes me a tougher one…..
now I know how to play the game…
I’m tried of being such a loser….
i choose to be hAppy...
i choose to understand those people who hurt me...
I choose to forgive…
I choose to forget…
I choose the love them rather than to hate them…
I choose n0t to revenge…
i am not worthless, I am not a selfish
yes I am a sinner, I am bad….
That’s why…….
No one would love me when take my revenge…
I DESERVE HONESTY, FIDELITY
AND RESPECT……
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
MY COLORS
Abbie, the first color you chose reveals that you're feeling Calm today.
For centuries, colors have been known for their energizing, calming and empowering qualities. In schools of psychology, a leading color theory suggests that your color preferences can also indicate what's on your subconscious mind. From your choices, here's what we found out about you. Like other people who chose Blue first, you tend to take things in stride. Instead of getting worked up over situations, you probably solve problems without feeling too much emotional stress. [ yes, i tend to take things in stride but at the end of the day, i know i have to fave them, i worked over things and solve them, un nga lang it takes time]
This insightful color personality test, developed by color psychologist Max Luscher, reveals detailed information about your unconscious mind based on the order of your color selections. Luscher's research revealed that the order in which you selected a series of colors is significant. In fact, not only was he able to determine that the order was relevant, but he revealed that particular aspects of your life could be represented by specific color choices. This goes beyond what colors you like the most. Luscher made a connection between color preferences and how they related to your subconscious mind. There is a meaning behind your single color choices, as well as your color pairs. This report will provide detailed info on both. We'll begin with the first color you chose.Your Leading ColorThe color you choose first symbolizes the methods you use to achieve your hopes, dreams and greatest goals. This is the color you're most drawn to, which indicates that you're turning toward the qualities this color evokes. It may be you want to incorporate more of what the color symbolizes into your life, or that it's a reflection of your current mental state. Blue. This reveals that overall, you're Calm. Like other people who choose Blue first, you likely tend to take things in stride, without getting too worked up over situations. Others probably see you as mild-mannered and centered in your approach to life. According to Luscher, Blue in the first position also reveals that you have a desire for either emotional tranquility or physiological rest. You may long to escape emotional conflict or a situation that has been demanding, or you may crave a restful period that doesn't require a lot of physical activity. Overall, you long for a calm environment that is free from stressors, even though you do have the capacity to handle stress with grace. You need for your relationships to be free of conflict, as it's essential for you to be able to trust those who are close to you and be trusted by them in return. You have a quiet spirit, a peaceful manner and impeccable integrity. 33% test takers also chose Blue first.
This is the color of your personality. Of all test takers, only less than 0.10% have the same exact combination as you. According to Luscher, each of your selections reveals something particular to your personality. The following section will reveal what Luscher believes each color selection reveals about your true self.
The Luscher Method
Luscher believed that each color has a particular psychological meaning and physiological impact. Unlike words, he believed that colors have universal meaning. This means that no matter your age, race, gender, national identity, educational or socioeconomic level, or personality quirks, colors carry the same natural associations.Following is some more detailed information about each of the eight colors. Below are Luscher's findings on which positions are most common for that color. You can apply all of this to the information in order to enhance your understanding of your unique color spectrum.
Blue - The dark blue color in this test symbolizes the calm of an untroubled sea. It represents fulfillment, as well as truth, love and devotion. It relates to tender emotions and sensitivity. Studies have found that when people look at this color, their respiration and blood pressure are reduced. Dark blue corresponds with the basic biological need for tranquility and contentment. According to Tickle's research, Blue is most commonly chosen in positions one through four, especially in the first two positions. It is the most popular choice for the first position.
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Red - The red on this test, which contains enough yellow to give it an orange hue, is the expression of vital force. Red speeds up one's pulse, respiration, and blood pressure. It represents desire, appetites and cravings. It symbolizes the desire to achieve and a need to "do." Red is the present, and it represents all forms of power, from sexuality to innovative change. It is the blood of conquest and the flame igniting the human spirit. According to Tickle's studies, it is somewhat uncommon for Red to be chosen in the last three positions.
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Black - Black is the dark negation of color. It expresses the idea of nothingness, endings and extinction. Black is about surrender and relinquishing. It has great impact on the color with which it's paired, emphasizing the impact of that color. Choosing black in the early positions is an act of extremeness and rebellion, a sign of revolt. When black is chosen last, Luscher believed it is a sign of not wanting to relinquish anything, and instead be in control of your own fate. Tickle found that, more than any other color, Black is chosen equally for each of the eight positions, with a slight tendency to be chosen in the last four positions.
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Yellow - Yellow, the brightest color on the test, represents lightness and good cheer. Yellow is radiance, expansiveness, and a release from burdens. Symbolically, yellow is the warm sunlight. Yellow is more uncertain than red; while it indicates flurried diligence, this focus comes in fits and starts. Yellow is progressive, always going toward the new and the developing. Tickle's findings revealed that it is somewhat uncommon for Yellow to be chosen in the first or second position.
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Gray - The shade of gray used on this test is neither dark nor light, and thus it is free of any specific psychological tendency. Gray symbolizes neutrality, the halfway point between white and black. This is the color of noninvolvement. It also represents the desire to hide or conceal. Tickle found that Gray is most commonly chosen in positions five through eight, especially in the last two positions.
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Brown - This brown is a darkened yellow-red. Yellow dampens Red's vitality and thus makes it more peaceful. Brown's vitality is less active, and is instead more receptive than Red's. Brown is sensuous, relating to the physical body. It is also about the importance of roots, home and family. Tickle's research found that Brown is the most common color choice for the last position.
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Violet - As a combination of both blue and red, violet manages to be its own distinct color, though it does lose the clarity and purpose that both red and blue have on their own. Violet is the magical union of red's need to conquer and blue's need to surrender. It is intuition and sensitivity. Violet is also about wish fulfillment and fantasy, a state in which the world is a magical place. Violet, due to its fantastical nature, can sometimes lead to irresponsibility. Tickle found that Violet is the second most commonly chosen color for the first position, second only to blue.
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Green - The blue-green color on this test represents perseverance, constancy and firmness. Green symbolizes the most resistant to change, the most self-awareness, the most self-possession. Emotionally, green is a sign of pride. Symbolically, it corresponds with the towering and austere sequoia, deep-rooted, unchanging, and monumental. Green is the color of precise memory, accuracy and logic. Tickle found that it's somewhat uncommon for Green to be chosen first or last, and that Green tends to be chosen toward the middle of the selection process.
While the first color you select reveals your unique approach to life, your second color indicates what you're actually trying to achieve with that approach. In the next section Your First Pairing, you'll learn how your first and second colors combine to reveal information about your current life direction. In following sections in this report, you'll learn about the significance of Your Second, Third and Fourth Pairings as well.
Your First Pairing: What You Want and How You Get ItThe first two colors you selected make up your first pairing. According to Luscher, these are the colors that you're most drawn to. The order of your selections here are particularly significant. The first color you choose represents the method you rely on to achieve your goals. The second color represents what your actual goal is. As a pair, these first two colors signify your dreams and the methods you employ to make them a reality.
You chose Blue first and Red second. This means that you long for affection and harmony in your relationships. You desire an intimate partnership that's based on love, trust, and self-sacrifice. Out of all test-takers, 7.16% select these two colors in the first and second positions.
Your Second Pairing: How You're Coping Now The third and forth color you chose comprise your second pairing. Luscher believed that your second pairing represents your present set of circumstances and how you are responding to them.
Black/Yellow is your second pairing. In relation to what's going on in your life, your current situation involves some critical or dangerous elements that desperately need a solution. You reject advice from others, and you may make reckless or sudden decisions. Among others who take this test, 1.51% chose this color combination in the third and forth positions.
Your Third Pairing: What You Have in ReserveYour third pairing is based on the fifth and sixth colors you picked. Luscher believed these are the colors you're indifferent to; you neither prefer them nor reject them. The colors in this pairing represent the behaviors that you're repressing. It's also possible you may not be choosing them because you feel they'd be inappropriate. Once your situation changes, you could draw on these behaviors as you see fit.
Your third pairing is Gray/Brown. According to Luscher's theories, this indicates that you're holding back to avoid conflict. You're willing to become emotionally attached, and you're also able to achieve physical satisfaction from your sex life. 1.96% of test takers share this combination for the fifth and sixth positions.
Your Fourth Pairing: What You're RejectingThe final two colors you selected make up your highly significant fourth pairing. According to Luscher's theories, these are the colors you are rejecting, which means you're turning away from the qualities they represent. These colors represent a need that you're repressing due to your life situation. Luscher believed that the colors you like the least reveal the most about you.
Violet/Green is your fourth and final pairing. This means you're rejecting or suppressing the strength of mind you need to escape a bad situation. You currently feel humiliated by the lack of appreciation you're getting. You feel disheartened, alone, and completely misunderstood. You want to escape, but you feel like you aren't getting anywhere. Among other test-takers, 1.02% share this color combination in the seventh and eighth positions.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
enj0ying life
i'm enj0ying my life right n0w... i've met new people... exploring things i dont usually do.. and it helps me a lot...to recover, to actually move on and live my life as it was before... maybe because i've learned and realize that life is too short.....i do not want to regret one day, that i havent done what i i know can make me happy..i dont wanna live my life with regrets...and also pe0ple who hurted me, helps me to know myself better...to know my strenghts and weaknesses....and i found my REAL, TRUE FRIENDS....
minsan kasi ung mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan mo or even ung mga taong tinuring mong kaibigan, sila pa ung nananakit sa yo..felt bad aper0 shempre you have to forgive...and forget...and blaming them wont help...db? and maybe i dont know them well and vice versa...
and at the end of the day, its your choice if you want to be sad or be happy... as they say, "Happiness is a choice.." am pursing my happiness, that why, even if one day, we cross path, i can smile at them...
h0pe they can be happy as much as i do..... :)
ung songs po dito maganda..... i'm still tyring to download everything every shempre wala pa po...heheheeFriday, March 02, 2007
be back
everyone ask me, is there any chance to be back to each other and be happy again? I told them, i dont think so.... i guess we wont...ndi nman ako nagsasalita ng tapos, kasi ndi nman natin lam ang mangyayari db.. per0 sa ngayon, nku, 99.9 percent sure ako na ndi po.. dahil una, i know him, 2nd, kasi i think ndi na nya ako mahal, 3rd, siguro dahil alam ko lang..:) and because i know he never thought of having me back.... ndi nya un maiisip kahit na kelan... he doesnt even wanted to see me after..he doesnt even care about me....hehehe ndi nman ako bitter...i 'm just telling the truth... napatawad ko na naman sila.... Tapos na ung mga araw na umaasa ako..tapos na ung time na umiiyak ako....Magpakasaya na lang sila...at ako ay ganun din...
Natatanong ko kasi, sobrang faithful naman ako, binibigay ko na ung trust na gusto nya... wala nga akong kahit konting doubt eh... siguro dahil dun kaya nya nagawa un....per0 kaya nga ako naglet go at kaya ako nakamove on kasi lam ko na dun sya masaya, ano ba pa ang magagawa ko....nakapatanga ko naman kung aasa pa ako... I'VE DONE MY PART... nagawa ko na ang lahat to save anything, but then AYAW na nya... para saan ba? WORTH PA BA?
- ano ba to? tama na... :)
may mga tao lang na ndi pala dapat asahan ng mga pangako.. may mga tao na nang-iiwan sa ere... per0 may mga tao rin naman kahit konti eh pde asahan.. sa palagay ko (IMO lang ha?) out of 10, 1 na lang ang taong ndi nang-iiwan.....ung ndi manloloko..... 1 na lang siguro ung taong sa pinakalowest point ng buhay mo eh ndi ka iiwan at andyan pa rin para sa 'yo... nakapaNEGA ko ba about guys? ndi nman, siguro, sa panahon ngayon, un ang mahirap makita... dahil kung baga, eh, once in a blue moon na lang un...
now, i'm fixing my heart and my life...masaya na ako ngayon...ewan ko ba? hehehe ndi pa nga lang ako ready for some kinda serious relationship per0 i'm open about possibilities....
WHAT IF'S and WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
paanong magkakaroon pa ng pag-asa kung sumuko na? marami pa rin naman akong WHAT IF's and WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.... pe0 kung patul0y ak0ng magtatanong, may mangyayari pa ba? may mababago ba? sa bawat araw na dumadaan, mas narereliaze ko na, may mga BAGAY na NDI na DAPAT malaman pa...ndi lang dahil masasaktan ka, kundi un ang makakabuti sa lahat...
everytime na tatanungin ako ng mga tao, kung bakit, kung ano ang nangyari....i make it a point na ndi maging masama ang nangyari... na ndi dapat magbago ang lahat... sa palagay ko naman, ginagawa ko na NGAYON ang mga bagay na DAPAT ay noon ko pa ginawa...
my promise to him that ndi magagalit ang family ko sa kanya, pinipilit ko nang ibalik ang pagkakakilala nila sa kanya...ndi ko man nagawa na ndi sila magalit sa kanya nung una, lam ko ngayon nagawa ko na mang bawiin un sa kanila... siguro naman tama na ang idefend sya sa mga tao...i've done my part..
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natanong ko sa sarili ko, bakit kung kelan mahal na mahal mo na ang isang tao, saka pa mawawala...? pe0 naisip ko na si God may ibang plano para sa akin.. parang preparation lang ito sa tamang tao para sa akin..naisip ko rin na siguro, bata pa ako to think of the possibility of finding someone, ung THE ONE... kasi before, i thought the person i am with is THE ONE..... pe0 un, sa kaaasa, NASAKTAN lang... time can only tell ung ano ang mangyayari, pe0 ndi na rin ako umaasa......WHY? because even before, umasa din ako na mahal din ako.. O0 minahal nga ako, pe0 only to hurt me and left me with my misery... end up crying per0 ngayon ok na talaga ako.....
Kaya lang napakaselfish ko nman to think na asa akin na lahat ng problema, only to realize na WALA pa ang pinagdaan ko sa mga taong MAS MALAKI at MAS MAHIRAP ang pinagdadaanan... Bless na siguro na may mga tao na HINDI AKO INIWAN... ung NDI AKO PINABAYAAN...
siguro kung may SIGNS, CLUES, COLDNESS akong naramdaman, sana naging madali ito para sa akin... ndi ko nga alam kung ndi ba nya pinaramdam sa akin oh, talagang tanga ako to realize at maramdamn un....
pe0 tapos na un eh, life has to go one.....marami pa ang mangyayari at darating... pe0ple come and go...they will leave us with lessons to be learned...wounds to heal...life to be enjoy.....be happy life is wonderful.... :)
