my past

A T-SHIRT REMINDED OF MY PAST

kasi may nakita akong lalaki wearing a shirt with MARVIN THE MARTIAN PRINT...i thought of someone when i saw it...hahahaa, nakakatawang isipin na ung simpleng bagay natatandaan ko pa...ung mem0ry k0 pagdating sa ibang ta0 gumagana na aman....siguro kahit ano naman natatandaan ko... hindi kasi ako madaling makalimot maliban na lang siguro k0ng nung ELEMENTARY pa, kasi halos wala na ako maalala ny0ng ELEMENTARY....wahehehe halos lahat kasi ng memories k0, parang kahapon lang nangyari..... naiisip ko rin, sa dami nang nangyari sa akin, may mga bagay na kahit masakit un ang nananatili...per0 alaala, at mananatiling alaala.....

----------------

dreams

sabi ni ate wilma sa akin, napanaginipan daw nya ang EX nya, si kuya GIL...tapos tinanong nya SILA kaya napapanaginipan din TAYO....? napaisip ako...... tapos kasi naisip ko an kahit hindi mo naiisip ang isang tao kapag conscious ka, mapapanaginipan mo sila kasi Subconsciously naiisip mo sila....

NAKATUWAAN KONG GAWIN....JANG NARA YUNG PINAKAGUSTO KO....

BEING ALONE

one of fear is being alone...can't stay alone in our room....hindi ko kayang magstay ng mag-isa talaga... nasanay ako na lagi akong may kasama.... if not my mom or brother, may isang taong nandun para samahan ako... ngayon ku lang naisip how things had change.....my routines and stuff i do...even a single laugh and every single tear reminds me that ABBHY you're all by yourself... i've learned to actually go to places alone...decide for myself..cry with myself...be happy with n0 one but myself... am just lucky to have those special people...and of course, GOD.... if not, i surely can't bear all these... kaninang madaling araw, nagising ako, bigla ko na naman naisip na GOD wants me to go through this hindi para lagi na lang akong masaktan kundi para matutung mag-isa.... umiikot ang mundo ko noong sa iisang tao.... maybe that's why sometimes, i neglect some of those who cares..... and when my drastic fall came, i never thought of fighting -- even for myself.... i just can not imagine my life.. sa totoo lang, i can not say that am 200% OKAY.... within this 6 months of being by myself, hindi pedeng itumbas sa halos 4 na ta0n.... i cried and i mourned, i hurt myself, i almost lost control of my life... and i bear all this things -- alone.... i've change... mas naging emotional... naging mas maingat... and i must admit, i've hurt other's feelings... sigur0 un din ang isang bagay na natutunan ko eh, kahit mali, nagagawa kong makasakit ng feelings....maybe not intentionally pero i know i do... minsan nakakamiss din ang dating ABBHY.... ung gurl na kung saan masaya ang ta0ng mahal nya dun sya... per0 eto na ako nagyon, may PADER sa pagitan ng LOVE.... i must admit, ndi ko na alam kung magmamahal pa ba ako... dahil DALAWA beses na akong sinaktan... takot na ako masyado.... minsan nang may nagsabi sa akin na MANHID at BATO ako... MY ONE GREAT LOVE disappear... at ngayon na mag-isa ako lam ko na GOD will provide me... SYA ang LOVE ko kasi ndi naman NYA ako iiwan....


i salute and at the same time envy those who are not afraid to love and trust again after being hurt by someone...because they still have guts to risk of maybe be loved the way they deserve or be hurt again...

would i?

WILL I EVER LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN?




WOULD I DARE RISK MY WHOLE LIFE AGAIN?




WOULD I TAKE MY CHANCES AGAIN?






WOULD I DARE GIVE MY HEART AND LIFE FOR SOMEONE AGAIN?





nakakapag0d na rin talaga!!!.....am n0t a risk taker, thats why there are times that am sad and alone... its my own choice....sigur0 nga sarado na ang puso k0 about having an0ther one....nakakatak0t na ibigay ang puso sa iba....nakakatak0t magtiwala....sabi nila bat0 at manhid ak0...walang puso para sa mga ta0ng nagmamahal... masisisi ny0 ba ak0 kung n00n ay nasaktan ako at sa bawat ta0ng nakikita k0ng sinasaktan ng ta0ng mahal nila, matututunan k0 pa bang magtiwala at magmahal..kung naniwala ako sa mga pangakong binitawan, sa mga salitang pinaniwalaan at pinaghawakan....


ay0k0 na maulet un...kung magmamahal ulet ak0, lam ko na ung ta0ng un na ang huli...at ang tama...




out of topic....:
want to have my baby on the age of 24.....hehehe

MY LIFE NOW....

In the melancholic hour of my day, when I’m all alone, nobody to tell my stories of never ending survival of loneliness….. when my very best friends erhycka is not around to hear my n0t so good stories……. can’t help but recall my past doings, how I laughed at most simplest things.. and cry when I felt so depress about something… I used to have someone to tell my stories….

But n0w, I’ve learned to live my life without someone to tell my saddest or happiest stories….i realize that I can do things on my own without heading for someone to comfort me, I learned to comfort myself when I feel down….. I learned to love what I have and not to ask for more of what I just deserve to have… I’ve learned to live without someone to love….because I know I have HIM… someone I know will never leave me for other…. Who will always be there supporting my endeavors and loving me unconditionally…with no reservations and hesitations…. I found comfort in HIS LOVING ARM, ….. and felt love…

In His perfect time…I know that He will give me someone who will love me close enough to His love for us….

But for now, i'm taking a rest and protecting myself from any pain...i wont let anyone hurt me again..... i wont let them bring me down..... if eon ago, i let them hurt me or influence me that leads me from being unhappy.......

im taking my rest...with God's loving arm....... ^_*

Old Song

nasa shop ako, mga 5:30 p.m. when i hear this old song...


natatawa ako kasi panahon pa ito ng mga older cousins ko...



share ko lang sa inyo...



Di Na Ko Aasa Pa
Introvoys


Intro

Ilang gabi na akong lito
'di ko maisip kung bakit nagkalayo
Mahal kita ngunit mahal mo siya
Ang hinihiling ko lamang mahalin ka niya


Chorus:
'di na ko aasa pang muli
Kung ikaw ay babalik,
saka na lamang ngingiti
Tandaan mong mahal kang talaga
Tanging ikaw lamang ang nasa aking alaala

Interlude

Naglalakad, hawak-kamay
Tila bang ligaya n'yo'y walang katapusan
Ang nakaraan nating dalawa
'di ko na makita sa 'yong mga mata

[repeat chorus]

Bridge


Sa iyo sana'y maghihintay
Ito ang gusto ko sa habambuhay
Ngunit...

[repeat chorus twice]

'di na ko aasa pang muli
Kung ikaw ay babalik sa aking piling
Saka na lamang ngingiti
Tandaan mo, mahal kang talaga sa akin, giliw
Tanging ikaw lamang, nasa aking alaala

Coda


'di na ko, 'di na ko,
'di na ko aasa pang muli


Kung ikaw ay babalik
sa aking piling'di na ko,


'di na ko,
'di na ko aasa pa...
sa 'yo

Love...Love...Love....

grab from Camille's Multiply Account.....

*******

Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'
Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
So what?
So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you.
I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.
Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.

What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.
Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?
It's not that simple.

******

..I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter any more, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love.
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me.
That's what I hope to give to you forever.
I love you. I'll be seeing you.



**nakakarelate talaga ako, feeling the same thing, per0 just as what people and i think and believe, life has to move one...Look forward and spend life to its fullest!!!!

memoirs of my past....

i read my past journal (high school ata ako that time...), i was surpised to know that i was destined to actually studied at MSC Institute of Technology (dati MSC Computer Training Center yun name...) nabasa ko kasi na i saw someone, a high school student by that time( just like me,ayon sa aking journal more or less 6 years ago..), nakasulat dun na he saw me not wearing our uniform (i was studying that time at San Pablo City National High School Annex V, wahehe, complete name ng school....)... dati kasi ayoko na dumaan sa school na yon, kasi nga private, ( hindi naman ako anti, per0 siguro dahil bata pa ako that time, my Inferiority complex ako when it comes sa mga nag-aaral sa private...), per0 n0w, i thought siguro its just nagkataon lang na nakita ko ung tao un...i dont even remember the face.... nung nabasa ko nga, i smiled, kasi ndi ko matandaan eh..

un lang ung maganda kapag may journal eh, i can go back to my childhood...sa mga maling grammar, sa maling spelling, even yung mga nakakatawa, nakakakilig, nakakainis na memories....

minsan naisip k0 na maging bata..less complicated ang buhay...sarap kasi balikan ung mga gawaing pambata...

per0 people grew old...people mature...and we have to say goodbye to our childhood....

we have to.....

How Sinful I Am? - Tickle

Abbie, you're less sinful than the average person. Still, everyone has their weaknesses,
and the sin you're most guilty of is

Pride

In this context, Pride is defined by an exaggeration of your worth and power in an attempt to feel superior to others. Pride can lead you down the wrong path when you feel like you have to be the best at everything. This kind of compulsion to achieve can get in the way of your ability to connect respectfully and equally with others.

7 Deadly Sin

1. Pride is defined by an exaggeration of your worth and power in an attempt to feel superior to others. Pride can lead you down the wrong path when you feel like you have to be the best at everything. This kind of compulsion to achieve can get in the way of your ability to connect respectfully and equally with others.
2. Wrath is the inability to control your temper and the destructive expression of your anger toward others. At its worst, a tendency toward excessive Wrath can lead you to get angry quickly and easily, causing difficulty in refraining verbal attacking or physical abusing the object of your rage
3. Greed is the drive to accumulate wealth and to live a life of excess. It causes you to prioritize worldly possessions above all else and allow the pursuit of money to overshadow your personal relationships.
4. Sloth is the resounding lack of motivation that leads to procrastination, irresponsibility, and disengagement from life. It manifests as a lack of goals or direction in life, and the inability to pursue the things you want, as well as things that can enhance the greater good of the world.
5. Gluttony is the inability to control how much food and drink you indulge in on a regular basis. It is commonly associated with eating until you're stuffed, uncomfortable, nauseated, or unhealthily unfit or obese.
6. Envy is the obsession with the good fortune of others in comparison to your own life. It is commonly experienced as a feeling of anguish when others have a higher social status, greater wealth, more power or success, or superior talent or physical beauty — and this emotion starts to dominate your existence.
7. Lust is the unrestrained, insatiable expression of sexual desire, fantasy, and conquest. In the extreme, it can cause you to think about or pursue sex so much that your work life, you relationships, and your self-actualization suffer.

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our of n0where....


sa kabila ng lahat, madaming bagay ang dapat na ipagpasalamat...



test lang ito ng faith ko...kung hanggang gaano katatag ang paniniwala ko...



nakalimutan ko noon na lahat ng nangyayari sa akin ay may rason..

tulad ng pagsikat ni haring araw sa umaga..

at paglubog nito kapag si buwan na...

tulad ng pagkakaroon ng bahag-hari...

pagkatapos ng ulan...



nangyayari ang bagay dahil may dahilan.....

kung nararapat, para sa iy0..

kung hind ipagpasalamat na naging bahagi ito ng buhay mo...



natutunan k0 nang pahalagahan ang kung an0 ang gust0 ng MAYKAPAL.......

believe in the power of PRAYERS....

because life is tough but we have hundreds of reason to live it
with much appreciation and do things to be the best of what GOD want us to BE...

wish list

Want to continue my guitar lesson

Want to see myself on t.v.

Want to join PBB (I’m certified PBB addict!!)

Want to receive a phone call from my best friend

Want to see Piolo and Bianca (I idolized them)

Want to be a great influence to others

Want to be known as a person who brighten your days

Want to be recognize, respected and valued

Want to be hug by my father (he died when I was 2)

Want to be LOVE

Want to know my purpose in life [ndi ko pa marealize ang purpose ko]

Want to be a GOOD CHRISTIAN

Just want to share this list i had i mind last night (July 10, 2007)... as you can see, am just a human being, not so contented, but am thankful that God have His way for me to see things on what He has planned...

From Bianca G.'s Blog

i never had a chance to watch Inside the Actor's Studio, yet i found it interesting because of Bianca Gonzales.. She's my #1 Role Model for the Youth...She's a perfect example that she is just an ordinary Youth with an extraordinary way of living (well, i wish i can be like her!!! coz i really idolized this gurl!!! ) Go ate Biancs...

1. what is your favorite word?
Forgiveness + Love

2. what is your least favorite word?
War

3. what turns you on?
Sense of Humor..

4. what turns you off?
ARROGANCE! :s (same with Bianca's Answer)

5. what sound or noise do you love?
Water I Guess!!

6. what sound or noise do you hate?
Siren or Motorcycle Horn

7. what is your favorite curse word?
Wala ako maisip at this moment

8. what profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
News Anchor

9. what profession would you not like to do?
paparazzi

10. if HEAVEN exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"You deserve a second chance, change to i what i want for you!!"

Proud to be Pinoy!!!!

More eComments

i find this comment very dramatic..but i like it!!!

Nice Article

Art of letting go

It’s over. He’s gone. Why do we have to part while love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we have to cry when somebody bids goodbye? Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose each other in the end? There are questions left unanswered. Words left unsaid. Letters left unread. Poems left undone. Songs left unsung. Love left unexpressed and promise left unfulfilled.

In a relationship, the hardest thing to do is to say goodbye and to let go. It is hard as breaking a crystal because you’ll never know when you will be able to pick up all the pieces and fit them together again. More often than not, they who go feel not the pain of parting. It is them who stay behind who suffer, because they are left with the haunting memories of a love meant to me, a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end of the relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that’s the way love is. That’s the bitter pill. The risk we have to take when we fall. After all, nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without knowing why. And we must forget not because we want to but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrow comes not as a single spy but as a battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song that you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath that you takes always remind you of him. Its like a stab of knife, a torture in the night.

Funny how the whole world becomes over populated when only one person is missing. Just imagine, there are 4 billion of people on earth and yet it seems you fell lonely and empty without each other.

I don’t know if it’s worth calling an art but letting go entails a special skills to be able to sparkle again within a considerable space and time. Time heals the wound but it takes a little more will power, a little more ingenuity on our part. Not all wishes come true. Not all love stories end with fairly tale ending and they live happily ever after. Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to cry temporarily to let go of the pains. Every beginning has its end like dawn has its dust. Its something we cant control, something we have to live with.

It’s over. He’s gone. But life has to go one. Goodbye doesn’t always mean farewell. There will always come a place and time where question will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled.

Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.

From: John Carlo Alcantara
My classmate back in College!!!

Trust

h0w funny i can advise my friends about their problems..even to brighten up their days and make them smile..

the thing is i can't to it for myself...


there's this guy, i know for sure will not dare hurt me...


he's nice, fun to be with, no dull moment..


a guy who deserve my trust



and my heart (i guess?!?)


but why does it seems that its so hard for me to love him?


the simplest thing i can do is to repay the love he wanted to gave me..


but then i can't...


i have risk everything i have before...


and now am on the process of regaining myself


but i just cant trust again..



i cant..



am too afraid..


they say i have to try..


but h0w..?



the only thing i want n0w is to let each passing day


worthwhile...


be the best person i can be..


be a friend who can brighten up your days..



and to be strong enough to face each and every day trials..




am not a risk taker that's why i can't love him the way he do...

One Way

muntik muntikan na akong um-OO..kulet kasi ni mel eh.....


last night i had a chance to meet mak (jacq's ex-boyfriend) with mel, nico and gab (s0brang pursigido talaga sya, h0w can i possible say no, he's nice at lam ko talaga na for real at ndi sya manloloko...the thing is ndi ko naman sya pede sagutin nang walang nararamdaman db? it would be unfair...ndi lang sa part nya kundi sa sarili ko rin...am not ready sa kahit anong relationship, not because ndi pa ako nakakaget-over, my reason is, s0brang ang hirap sa akin na magtiwala, sabi nga ni mel, iba si gab, andun na ako per0, sa ngayon, what i can offer is friendship...ndi ko nga masag0t ung tan0ng ni gab kung may hihintayin pa sya eh..ay0k0 kasi na masaktan sya... and he even told me na kahit sya na lang ang nagmamahal, [whaaaaaaaaaaat? tama ba naman yun?] )


ay0k0 naman ng ganun...gust0 k0 kapag nagkaroon ulet ako ng boyfriend, ung kaya kung ibigay ng buo ung tiwala at love ko...sa ngayon kasi, s0brang natatakot ako....


i'm still in the process of re-gaining myself and my trust to men... i can't force myself to commit and in the end masaktan ko lang..knowing that he loves me and i know that he really cares...


yeah, not all men are the same...at the end of the day, being single is not bad at all...i have learned to stand on my own...madami na akong na-discover sa sarili ko..i grew as a person... naging matured sa mga bagay bagay.... naging strong....dati s0brang takot akong mag-isa, sinasabi ko noon na i can't live without him, but God has provided everything i need to survive...that God is my strength...



sa ngayon, ndi ko kaya ng relationship na seryoso...... at ndi ko rin kaya ng ONE WAY...



sa tamang panahon



sa tamang tao



sa tamang pagkakataon..