BEING ALONE

one of fear is being alone...can't stay alone in our room....hindi ko kayang magstay ng mag-isa talaga... nasanay ako na lagi akong may kasama.... if not my mom or brother, may isang taong nandun para samahan ako... ngayon ku lang naisip how things had change.....my routines and stuff i do...even a single laugh and every single tear reminds me that ABBHY you're all by yourself... i've learned to actually go to places alone...decide for myself..cry with myself...be happy with n0 one but myself... am just lucky to have those special people...and of course, GOD.... if not, i surely can't bear all these... kaninang madaling araw, nagising ako, bigla ko na naman naisip na GOD wants me to go through this hindi para lagi na lang akong masaktan kundi para matutung mag-isa.... umiikot ang mundo ko noong sa iisang tao.... maybe that's why sometimes, i neglect some of those who cares..... and when my drastic fall came, i never thought of fighting -- even for myself.... i just can not imagine my life.. sa totoo lang, i can not say that am 200% OKAY.... within this 6 months of being by myself, hindi pedeng itumbas sa halos 4 na ta0n.... i cried and i mourned, i hurt myself, i almost lost control of my life... and i bear all this things -- alone.... i've change... mas naging emotional... naging mas maingat... and i must admit, i've hurt other's feelings... sigur0 un din ang isang bagay na natutunan ko eh, kahit mali, nagagawa kong makasakit ng feelings....maybe not intentionally pero i know i do... minsan nakakamiss din ang dating ABBHY.... ung gurl na kung saan masaya ang ta0ng mahal nya dun sya... per0 eto na ako nagyon, may PADER sa pagitan ng LOVE.... i must admit, ndi ko na alam kung magmamahal pa ba ako... dahil DALAWA beses na akong sinaktan... takot na ako masyado.... minsan nang may nagsabi sa akin na MANHID at BATO ako... MY ONE GREAT LOVE disappear... at ngayon na mag-isa ako lam ko na GOD will provide me... SYA ang LOVE ko kasi ndi naman NYA ako iiwan....


i salute and at the same time envy those who are not afraid to love and trust again after being hurt by someone...because they still have guts to risk of maybe be loved the way they deserve or be hurt again...