inspiration

just read one of my favorite blog & blogger (superbianca.blogspot.com - Bianca Gonzalez), and she said "inspiration is everywhere!". For the past days i feel like i'm floating, i am as always inspired and encouraged with her words. I believe in her and I idolizes her so much. She is just amazing. The problem with me is even though inspiration is everywhere, i only have my beloved family... and now that my family is facing some life-changing moments I can't tell them how i feel. Deep inside I'm wounded, I am not okay, I am in tears before I go to sleep.. It's all my fault and i made my life like this.. I keep asking myself "am I a bad person?" "am I not deserving for love, attention & happiness?" yes, I need to feel loved, i need attention and i wanted to be happy.. There are times that I just want to stay at home and sleep all the time, in that way, i would not be hurt, i wont be able to think anything, as they say, sleeping is a form of escape aside from it is a form of rest.

i'm so numb..i feel so alone.. there are times i really wanted to give up, but every time I do, I always thought of my family and friends who love me so dear.

God, what will i do? what do YOu want me to learn?