crazy robot

Beyond my crying days, I am still blessed, I am able to see God's blessings within my FAMILY... No one in the family suffer illness, I believe we're all healthy.. I do not question God's plan for me, for my life, for my future career/job and for my heart..


I still am suffering for some pain that I caused for myself- yes I am blaming myself for letting me feel this way.. I was searching for things that wasn't meant for me. I am alone, I am hurt, I am so down, I am in a scattered life and broken dreams. In midst of all the things that bruised the whole me, I am positive of moving on..


If only I could turn back the hands of time - if only.. It's just too painful that somehow I am thinking for giving up. I really wanted to give up, but I know in bruised and deepest part of this heart, I still believe I can raise and be happy. It thought me things at first I am too blind to see and believe - TO LOVE MYSELF MORE.


And I was too blind to see that for some I am just toy, a sideline, a NO ONE.. It hurt every little pieces of me.. It kills every little pieces of my heart. It feels like every day I am living for nothing. Every day I live like a ROBOT.. I am trying not to give up, but where and do I have reasons not to?