amidst of seeking & searching

I may look happy, funny and makulet, but someone told my closest tita this: "muka nga siyang masaya at masayahin, pero kapag titingnan mo naman mata nya, kitang kita dun yung lungkot nya" .. malungkot nga ba ako ngayon? I am in a way.. I am seeking for attention and love, seeking for happiness and peace.. Lagi ko sinasabi sa sarili ko, as in everyday, that I am more bless than anyone.. Kasi, i food to eat, have job to earn, a house to go home, i have more than that, pero paano ba masasabing seeking ka pa rin for ATTENTION and LOVE ? Parang helpless pa rin kahit I have things I need to live.. Pero alam ko rin sa sarili ko na I need as in I BADLY NEED the ATTENTION & LOVE.. From Whom? From Where? For What? Hindi ko rin alam, basta I know that I am incomplete, (GoD provided everything for me, yun ang lagi kong sinasabi.. And I believe its true.) Pero paano kaya mababag0 ang buhay ko.. nakakakulong ako, hindi makatakas .. Pinipilit ko lagi.. Kahit sobrang sakit, pinipilit ko, para naman maging malaya ako.. Nakakapagod na rin naman..