update

Tagal na pala since I updated this blog.. Madami lang nangyari at parang ang hirap lang magsulat..

UPDATE: FRIENDS

ERIKA
She's pregnant and they're having a girl.. I guess mas naging expressive sya about her feelings kasi di ba ang mga buntis ay mas emotional at sensitive.. Pero sabi nya, "KSP" lang daw talaga ang mga buntis.. I love her talaga.. I'm happy that she's happy and content and now 3 weeks or so, she will give birth to her daughter..

JACKIE
I just hope makayanan nya lahat ng mga pinagdadaanan nya at pagdadaanan pa.. She deserves to be love.. and I'm hoping na sana hindi na sya masaktan...


JAYNE
Jayne Calixihan is now Mrs. Jayne Calixihan Tuazon.. Happy for her.. Bless sya for being in love, happy, and content.. Stay happy...

RIANE
Nasa ibang bansa sya, after a long time ngayon na lang ulet kami nagkaroon ng communication.. at may baby na rin sya, isang baby boy at miss na miss na nya.. I know miss na rin sya ng baby at family nya..


GHAYE
Nasa Dubai pa rin at sana lagi lang syang safe.. hindi na kami masyado nagkakausap pero alam kong happy sya... and i miss her na...


ACEL
I miss her.. tagal na naming hindi nagkikita.. wonder how is she now... maliban sa may bago na syang work ulet after TeleTech.. yun na lang ang alam ko.. I don't know if nasa relationship ba sya.. I wish her the best of everything..


ROSE ANNE
Having the time of her life in Manila.. Doing want she wants.. i miss her too..


JONA
Now pregnant on their 2nd baby and due on the 22nd of this month.. Its been almost 2 years since the last time i saw her.. miss her

AY AY
s0brang miss ko na rin sya.. nagwowork sya sa Globe/TM Call Center.. I miss her..

SA IBANG FRIENDS...

I just wish i have the time to be with them again.. miss ko na sila..


UPDATE: MYSELF
I'm now wearing contact lenses and i just started wearing this last Monday (Oct. 5, 2009). Nasasanay na akong maglagay, sabi ni Doc madali daw ako matutong maglagay.. nyahaha, I'm i'm still using my glasses pa rin.. At tumaas na ang grade ng mata ko, from 1.75, ngayon 2.00 na.. Aside from that, i'll be a "tita" na this month.. due na rin ng sister-in-law ko this sa Oct. 23, pero baka mapaaga ang paglabas ni Baby Vinice (sana tama yung name spell ko wahehe kasi its for NorVIN and EuNICE..) kasi sumasakit na daw yung tiyan ng mommy nya.. at sabi ko talaga sa brother ko ang gusto kong name ng baby nya is MIAKKA VENICE, pero mas gusto ng mom namin na MIKAELA VENICE.. mas maganda eh..

I'm so thrilled to see Baby Ela sa wedding ni Jayne, i keep smiling seeing her staring at me.. nakakatuwa sya, sobrang taas na sya, grown up na.. grade 5 na sya ngayon.. the last time i'm with her, grade 3 lang sya.. Time flies so fast.. Sabi ni Jackie, lagi sya nakatingin sa kin kasi hindi siguro nya akalain na makikita nya ako dun.. Anyway, as i've said i'm trilled and very happy that I saw her again.. I miss her kasi s0brang lambing na bata yun..


Siyempre may something that bothered me that time.. share ko lang.. someone from that wedding, thinks i don't exist.. If that's the case, i should forget right..


moving forward..


Madaming nangyari.. Sad to say maraming tao ang apektado ng Bagyong Ondoy, lumubog sa baha ang malaking area ng Metro Manila at mga karating bayan.. nakakaawa na marami ang namatay dahil dun.. Sabi nga sa isang report sa TEN (The Evening News) sa TV5, tapos na ang Christmas at ang 2010 Election, hindi pa rin nakakabangon ang mga nasalanta nito.. Biruin mo, after Ondoy, si Pepeng naman, at hindi makalabas ng Pilipinas si Ondoy dahil naman kay Quedan (i hope i got it right) .. Tulad ko na walang way to help, praying na lang ang gagawin ko.. Praying na kayanin pa nila at sana mas mapadali ang recovery ng bawat isa..

that's it God bless everyone..

grey color for me..

I always wanted to update this blog my mind simply pre-occupied by certain things I cannot put into words.. booo, i'm such a loser and i hate it.. i wish i can put more insteresting things on this blog.. i wish i can put more of me in this..


boooooooo, i just wanted to be inspired.. and to have a life with color.. hey, my life has color but its grey.. ugggghhhhhhrrrrrrr..


so for now, sorry for this negative post.. i hate it.. but my mind is not working...


let me know if someone reads this, maybe that way i can be inspired.. errhhhh (wishful thinking of me)

Maybe I am over watching "teleserye" on TV thats why.. Because Only You cast "Trixie" aka Iya Villania, post her emotions (happiness and anger, revenge and all).. And without knowing, "Jonathan" aka Diether Ocampo, reads it.. And she has someone to talk to even on cyber space.. ahhhrrr i am maybe such a loser.. whatever, all i need is LOVE...

boo for me..

I always thought i have less, well in fact I have enough to survive.. God provided for me and God will provide for me.. Yet, its time for me to act for myself - provide for myself.. Its a sin to ask to much.. But I'm not asking for too much.. All I want is to find myself inspired.. To be with someone who'll ask how's my day? Simple things that i wanted yet so hard to achieve.. my life sucks and i hate it.. I feel good everytime I am surrounded by people.. But there are times that even though i'm with them, i still feel alone.. yakk for me... boooo..


how i wish my life change..

I'm praying for the moment i will not feel alone anymore..

walk with me...

after a long time, here i am blogging... i really miss blogging.. its just that i dont have things to blog.. nothing new in my boring life... still stuck with life i have..not that i am complaining, i just wish i have something in my heart to bear.. not exactly more happiness but i guess LOVE.. love i can share.. its more of hoping that i can walk with someone, talk to someone about things, hug someone when i feel not better or if he's not feeling well.. someone i can run to when i mess my life.. someone i can call my "someone"... its been a long time, and when i see a girl and boy walking together, i can't help but stare, and asked myself, when will it happen to me again..?


i am still wishing for that day to come.. to finally let my heart feel the "everything" of being heavenly inlove..

i am wishing for the day i can walk with my "someone".

and share my life...

My Nicknames

While browsing for an article I found this one and i find really cute..

List all the names that you were called by and the people who call you that.

Full Name: Maria Noviene Maghirang Castillo

Nickname/s:

1. Abbie/Abbhy - nickname ko, bigay ng pinsan ko nung panahong bulol pa sya, dahil ndi nya pabanggit ng tama ang name ko, so he accidentally said "Abbie" sa hallip na "Ate Noviene", don't know paano nya nasabi ko, when I asked him why, hindi daw nya alam.. harhar
2. Dalaga - bigay ng workmate ng mama ko, when I had my first period.. Dahil dalaga na daw ako.. wahehehe
3. Noviene - tawag sa akin ng mama ko kapag galit na sya.. wahehehe
4. Viene - new nickname ko, eto ang gusto k0 itawag sa akin ng mga new friends ko..
5. Novs - tawag sa akin ng mga relatives / cousins na hindi ko masyado nakakasama..
6. Ganda - tawag sa akin ng bagong workmates ng nanay ko, hahaha feel na feel..
   
7. Bhe - endearment sa akin ng cousin ko, pina-iksi nya pa ang nickname ko.. adik
8. Drama Queen - bansag sa akin ng anak ng boss ko, kasi daw puro ako drama.. wahehe
9. Betty - tawag sa akin ng dating workmates ng mama ko, when I started wearing my eyeglasses
10. Eneivon - eto ang baligtad na spell ng name ko na tawag sa akin ng isang kaibigan..
11. Tol - Tawagan sa tropa..
12. Best - endearment sa akin ng best friend kong si erika.. (yun din endearment ko sa kanya)
13. Bru - endearment sa kin ni rose anne (yun din endearment ko sa kanya)
14. BF - that's how gabby call me..

cute no.. try ny0 rin mag list ng nicknames nyo..

kung alam ny0 lang.

Parang after all the hardships saka sarifices k0, parang wala naman nangyayari.. I'm so bored na talaga sa trabaho ko, like now, its San Pablo's 69th City Foundation Day, s0 walang pasok ang city, but here I am, nasa work, walang magawa, pumasok lang ako kasi nanghihinayang ako sa 1 araw na sweldo, sayang naman kasi talaga,makakatulong din yun sa daily expenses ko db.. Kaya lang sobrang nararamdaman ko na talaga na kailangan ko na rin ng ibang environment.. Yung makakapagpapaalala sa akin na worth ko bilang tao db? shempre naman s0brang hirap na, out of 5 working days, 1 lang araw ang magiging busy ko, at dahil dun, kapag naging busy na ako, nayayamot na ako.. Oh db ang gulo, kasi gusto ko lang maging productive ang araw ko.. Pero dahil nga stuck nga ako dito.. I admit, kasalanan ko rin naman ito, pero tulad ng reas0ning ko, ayoko lang na may masabi sila pag-alis ko, at least kahit verbal lang yung contract, pinangatawanan ko yung sinabi ko.. Kahit araw araw wala na akong gana pumasok.. Sino ba naman ang matutuwa sa akin db? Pwede naman talaga ako umalis kung gusto ko, pwede ko sila iwanan ng wala akong nakikitang replacement, pero I stand for what we agreed for.. Ang hinihiling ko lang sa mga tao sa paligid ko eh ang maintindihan ako.. Ang suportahan ako.. Unang una, kaya ndi ko yun magawa dahil, kahit paano, nakakatulong naman ang sweldo ko sa ilang expenses sa bahay, isa yun sa rason kung bakit, gustuhin ko man hindi ko magawang umalis, dahil sa ngayon ang hirap ng buhay namin, hindi naman regular na maganda ang sahod nila.. pano kami makakabayad sa ilang bayarin na kahit paano ay nakakatulong ang sweldo ko.. Hindi naman madali sa akin ito... Sa totoo, hirap na hirap na rin ako, s0brang pressured na ako sa mga nangyayari.. Kung kaya ko lang.. Napapagod na rin naman ako sa ganitong sitwasyon ko.. Gusto ko, gustong gusto kong kumawala... Alam ko na takot ako, s0brang takot, ako ang kawawa...

amidst of seeking & searching

I may look happy, funny and makulet, but someone told my closest tita this: "muka nga siyang masaya at masayahin, pero kapag titingnan mo naman mata nya, kitang kita dun yung lungkot nya" .. malungkot nga ba ako ngayon? I am in a way.. I am seeking for attention and love, seeking for happiness and peace.. Lagi ko sinasabi sa sarili ko, as in everyday, that I am more bless than anyone.. Kasi, i food to eat, have job to earn, a house to go home, i have more than that, pero paano ba masasabing seeking ka pa rin for ATTENTION and LOVE ? Parang helpless pa rin kahit I have things I need to live.. Pero alam ko rin sa sarili ko na I need as in I BADLY NEED the ATTENTION & LOVE.. From Whom? From Where? For What? Hindi ko rin alam, basta I know that I am incomplete, (GoD provided everything for me, yun ang lagi kong sinasabi.. And I believe its true.) Pero paano kaya mababag0 ang buhay ko.. nakakakulong ako, hindi makatakas .. Pinipilit ko lagi.. Kahit sobrang sakit, pinipilit ko, para naman maging malaya ako.. Nakakapagod na rin naman..

nothing to do but...

while browsing the net i found this cute site that makes babies wahehe, and so i try it with my male celebs crushes:

George Cloney as father (my ultimate crush)













Tom Cruise













Piolo Pascual














John Lloyd Cruz













Cool right? wahehehe, i enjoyed making them,... harhar

try it for your self!

past-love-amnesia

It's nice to read blog that inspires. I'm happy to read one that tells and able to right what exactly i am feeling. So let me share one of her (i guess?!) post:

Often times I would find myself in the same place
and in the same instances I had been.
Thinking the same thoughts, questioning the same questions,
dreaming the same dream.
Where am leading?
I have been walking on this same path for too long
I had been feeling the same feelings I had felt before,
facing the same fears and regrets...
I had been staring at the same sky, wishing on the same star...
Hoping I would be in a different place, in a different situation...

- http://stillechoes.blogspot.com

Isn't it ironic that two different people has the same thought but one can only write the exact words of what really feels...

Am I destined to remember every single memories from past incidents of my life.. ?Is there a past-love-amnesia (according to ms. blogger of stillechoes)? So i can forget every memory from every one I have loved. And though it wont happen, though it sometimes hurt me, though sometimes I get bitter of my past, I am not in pain anymore.. I am more of wishing that I will love again and wishing to gain new memories s0 old memories be replaced..

hoping

pwede kayang maglaho muna ako sa buwang ito, mawalan ng nararamdaman at mawalan ng pakialam sa ibang tao? yung tipong maging masaya lang sa buong buwang ito.. yung masaya talaga.. yung hindi na ako malulungkot o iiyak bago makatulog...? Yung MASAYA talaga na tagos hanggang sa kaluluwa ko.. Hindi naman yun nabibili ng pera pero bakit ang hirap hirap ng ganito.. Kahit ngayong APRIL lang.. kahit 30 days lang, sana ibigay na sa akin.. kung kailangan kong mag makaawa para makuha yun.. kahit ngayon lang buwan na to.. gusto ko lang maranasan ulet na hindi na masaktan...

if only

If only i have reasons not to give up. I will not.. Its painful and there are times that I jst break down, no one to comfort me when I badly need it.. If only I can feel that I am loved. If only there is someone who will hug me in times that I feel so bad.

Sa nangyayari sa akin ngayon, feeling ko wala ako makuhanan ng strength - ke sa trabaho, sa bahay sa lahat. Dumaraan ang araw na parang wala namang nangyayari sa buhay ko.. Pinipilit ko na laging ngumiti at maging masaya, pero lagi may dumarating na nakakapagpalungkot sa akin..

Ang alam ko ngayon, bugbog na bugbog na ako.. Pagod na at gusto ko ng mag-give up.. Nakakapagod pala..


Bakit ganun? Ang hirap hirap maging masaya... Yun lang naman gusto ko eh..

crazy robot

Beyond my crying days, I am still blessed, I am able to see God's blessings within my FAMILY... No one in the family suffer illness, I believe we're all healthy.. I do not question God's plan for me, for my life, for my future career/job and for my heart..


I still am suffering for some pain that I caused for myself- yes I am blaming myself for letting me feel this way.. I was searching for things that wasn't meant for me. I am alone, I am hurt, I am so down, I am in a scattered life and broken dreams. In midst of all the things that bruised the whole me, I am positive of moving on..


If only I could turn back the hands of time - if only.. It's just too painful that somehow I am thinking for giving up. I really wanted to give up, but I know in bruised and deepest part of this heart, I still believe I can raise and be happy. It thought me things at first I am too blind to see and believe - TO LOVE MYSELF MORE.


And I was too blind to see that for some I am just toy, a sideline, a NO ONE.. It hurt every little pieces of me.. It kills every little pieces of my heart. It feels like every day I am living for nothing. Every day I live like a ROBOT.. I am trying not to give up, but where and do I have reasons not to?

inspiration

just read one of my favorite blog & blogger (superbianca.blogspot.com - Bianca Gonzalez), and she said "inspiration is everywhere!". For the past days i feel like i'm floating, i am as always inspired and encouraged with her words. I believe in her and I idolizes her so much. She is just amazing. The problem with me is even though inspiration is everywhere, i only have my beloved family... and now that my family is facing some life-changing moments I can't tell them how i feel. Deep inside I'm wounded, I am not okay, I am in tears before I go to sleep.. It's all my fault and i made my life like this.. I keep asking myself "am I a bad person?" "am I not deserving for love, attention & happiness?" yes, I need to feel loved, i need attention and i wanted to be happy.. There are times that I just want to stay at home and sleep all the time, in that way, i would not be hurt, i wont be able to think anything, as they say, sleeping is a form of escape aside from it is a form of rest.

i'm so numb..i feel so alone.. there are times i really wanted to give up, but every time I do, I always thought of my family and friends who love me so dear.

God, what will i do? what do YOu want me to learn?

life unlived.

Living my everyday for a quite long without a "LIFE" to enjoy. Things just come and go, i actually going with the flow of my boring day. I worked, go h0me, worked again and stay home after.. A lifeless in my generation, what a life! I regreted not having t00 many friends t0 be with even just for weekends, its not that I don't have friends, but most of them are BUSY [and I am the one who's stuck with my boring life].. I am s0 bored and so I did something to add spice in my habitual life. And so I succeed. I feel happy yet I'm not, confusing right? It happen that i'm happy that it change my "habitual life" yet i can't sleep enough because of the thought of it. And without even thinking, it will "pop" into my mind and made me stop. Nakakabaliw.. It was my fault. I can't change the fact that what I did was wrong and yes - VERY wrong.. I wasn't sure of what I am feeling, feels like every day I have to live my life with it. It will take TIME, i really mean TIME so i can't move forward.. I do't REGRET it but yes it was so wrong..


All i can see now is a four corner of a room with just me. Alone.

It takes time para makabalas ako.. When and how, i don't know... Feel wasted all the time..

What is the purpose of my existence?

Mystery of Life

I made decisions that hurt me. I tried to bounce back higher from my downfall. It’s just too hard but I tried, even I did not succeed at first I still want to try till I get the dose of success and peace of mind.. I cried not because of I regret the decision I made but because I know I hurt someone else. Not in my intention. I thought i just need that to know s0mething that will make and break what i have started.. I have no one to blame but myself. I repeat - NO ONE but ME.. I am searching for signs s0 i can move forward after this..


see the pregnant woman at the left.. and asking why this is the picture in this blog entry? well, it' just that, two special people in my life will be a future mother in time.. just excited for both of them.. i wish them luck . I am wishing although of having my own child, my salary and my situation would not permit me to and God has other plans for me..

i always thought how patiently a mother take good care of her baby for the first time she knew she was pregnant, when she first felt the baby in her womb , until she give birth.. Til the child first walk, first word to say, and a lot of first.. how wonderful..?

journey to love again!

I am moody.. I love to laugh.. I love to cry.. I love being taken good care.. I love to tell my story.. I love to listen.. I love to share my love.. I love to be loved.. I just want to be love.. to be respected..

I will love again.. but first I will teach myself to trust again.. to take risk again.. because I know I will love the same or much more.. I just need to learn and teach myself that there is a certain person that will come into my life that deserves to be trust and that person deserves the risk I would take. Who ever that person would be… I am willing to take my chances… I am willing to take the risk… I am willing to cry if I have to.. I am willing of everything just to be loved… just to be respected… treating me as his life is too much to ask… what I want to is that I am not just an option but one of his priority.. not a toy to display or to be play but a friend, counterpart, best friend and soul mate… it may sound as if it is so much to ask but more than anything, when romance is already gone, friendship and respect remains…

I just love to be loved.. treating me special in his own way.. telling the world that I am his girl.. the love he has long been waited.. tell his friends that I am the ONE… not just the ONE but the RIGHT ONE.. and I will do the same.. I will tell the world that I am bless that, I have that special person in my life.. someone who brings out the best of me and vice versa..

I believe that I have so much love to share with specific person.. who would it be?

Please take the journey with me till HE comes...

finally

finally i decided to post for new entry... every time i logged-in, click the 'create', stop for a moment and logged-out.. i can't find words, i can't start a single word for an entry, and so finally i decided to write..

two weeks ago, i went t0 manila for my interview, unfortunately, i am not qualified because I am a Vocational Graduate, but offered me to work as a Telemarketer, but still they have to evaluate my resume if i am suited to the j0b.. i lost my hope and went back to work. . first time i travel alone. i was very nervous but it is a very challenging experience for me.. s0 i bond with Mam Noreen, Jackie and Ai after that..

these are the things / people / places i encountered in Manila for 4 days:
Korean Girls, Gentleman at the MRT, Sirang Skirt, Jolibee, UP Diliman, Apak sa Paa, Federal Land, Taxi, Elevator, MMDA

(to follow other things)


_______________________________________

Kung ikaw ang nasa katayuan ko, walang mga kaibigan na available to be with in times you just want to be with them, laugh with them, cry with them, tell everything you really feel and think..There are times when i really wanted to be with someone.. someone who will take me to a walk, a have long and worth-while conversation. someone i can tell everything i am in.. some0ne who will understand.. someone i can lean on when i feel so weak.. someone i can call even in a wee hours of the day.. someone i can be with when i need a companion. someone whom i can be myself. is it too much to ask for it? its been a long time since i have one.. even n0t a boyfriend or any thing. .. even not in a romantic way.. all i'm asking is, i wish i have some0ne..

Best Eka nasa Singapore. Si Rose, halos hindi na kami nagkakausap. Si Jackie nasa QC/Marikina. Si Ai-ai nasa QC. Si Gab may trabaho na. Si Mel busy sa school. Yung ibang friends ko, halos wala na rin ako balita..


All i need is attention and have THAT someone..

----------------------------------
O.T.

My condolences to the family of the great master rapper Francis Magalona...

You Will Never be Forgotten.

HEART

Bilib ako how he protects what he has now, at least alam na nya how to value what he has.. But then, naiinis din ako, how he tends to forget or maybe neglect some people in his past life.. Considering that they are his friends.. As much as I value friendship and so are my friends, nakakahinayang na may mga taong hindi ko katulad pagpahalaga sa Friendship... I believe, those people in our past have a big contribution of what we have in present time and will also help us in our future, so we must not forget or even neglect them..

Change is inevitable, kung magbabago for GOOD or BAD..

Sana have a HEART to be considerate kapag may sinasabi tayo.. Don't be t0o harsh... Take it from me, alam ko na some time ago, naging inconsiderate ako and i honestly hurt them (or their ego), i made a mistake, and i feel sorry.. My apology..


Paano kung ang isang kaibigan wants to "thank you" for being part of his/her life.. In simple wa, he/she wants you to be a part of it, magagawa mo bang magsalita ng isang bagay na makakasakit sa kanya?


Want I'm saying is that, how you value you present should be the same way as you value your past..


* Once you love someone, that person is a part of your forever*
Happy Hearts Day!

@>--

I don't know why i'm writing now, but one thing is that i miss blogging.. No new things for me, aside from seeing my bestfriend Eka after 3 months and my Bestfriend Reyzon after almost a year.. Still, I'm stuck with life I need to change, more than anything I need to GROW.. I need new air to breath, new people to meet, new things from new life, new environment to help me grow.. I'm stuck with this life.. I'm not complaining. but God knows what this heart wants to, what this soul wants to.. I'm stuck because I'm afraid of taking my chances and I'm afraid of rejection, but then i know i have to ..

Jackie told me about a job opening where Ma'am Noreen work.. There's a Event Associate at S-Cube i've seen even early last year and still have 10 vacancies. I just don't know where can i find the courage of applying for these jobs and other opportunities..

One thing, I'm not inspired to do my job anymore... I'm hungry for growth, challenge and discipline and experiences.

The reason why i can't leave this job this that i know that i need here... And that my boss told me before that i should find someone to replace me.. But until now, no one at this moment is interested.. I wish there is... I can't leave because I want to keep what i said.. I just need someone to replace me..

What will i do?

Am i stuck here till i get old?

i wish not...

Rescue me!

Happiness

It's almost Christmas and this is the time to share not just the blessings, not just gifts nor any material thing but L-O-V-E... Four letter word but such powerful, meaningful word... Love can make someone s0 happy or make someone feel so bad... I hate how it turns to be painful for others, how it can break dreams and hope... How much it can give you so much happiness and how it can give so much pain..? And love it how it turn to be such a life changing for others and how it can make you feel like in a cloud nine.. Seems everyone can be so engross and in-love with Love...

I heard stories worth fighting for and stories that just have to let it go... I feel sad when it has to end and feel so good when it is being started... At the end, no one knows when will it end or will it last...


I've known her for almost 5 years... I've heard a lot of her stories from family to school, from love life and her life... She is a friend, I can consider my truest friend... She was there and always there for me - in my down fall and my survival and happiness. I envy her for having someone that i don't have.. I want to comfort her when she's so down because of that.

For her:
Tol, i know somehow you'll be able to read this and i wish you so well that you'll be able to find happiness within yourself and not with anyone else... I'm always here for you.. Rest for a while... Find peace and be strong... Sooner or later, things will get better, have faith...