hoping

pwede kayang maglaho muna ako sa buwang ito, mawalan ng nararamdaman at mawalan ng pakialam sa ibang tao? yung tipong maging masaya lang sa buong buwang ito.. yung masaya talaga.. yung hindi na ako malulungkot o iiyak bago makatulog...? Yung MASAYA talaga na tagos hanggang sa kaluluwa ko.. Hindi naman yun nabibili ng pera pero bakit ang hirap hirap ng ganito.. Kahit ngayong APRIL lang.. kahit 30 days lang, sana ibigay na sa akin.. kung kailangan kong mag makaawa para makuha yun.. kahit ngayon lang buwan na to.. gusto ko lang maranasan ulet na hindi na masaktan...

if only

If only i have reasons not to give up. I will not.. Its painful and there are times that I jst break down, no one to comfort me when I badly need it.. If only I can feel that I am loved. If only there is someone who will hug me in times that I feel so bad.

Sa nangyayari sa akin ngayon, feeling ko wala ako makuhanan ng strength - ke sa trabaho, sa bahay sa lahat. Dumaraan ang araw na parang wala namang nangyayari sa buhay ko.. Pinipilit ko na laging ngumiti at maging masaya, pero lagi may dumarating na nakakapagpalungkot sa akin..

Ang alam ko ngayon, bugbog na bugbog na ako.. Pagod na at gusto ko ng mag-give up.. Nakakapagod pala..


Bakit ganun? Ang hirap hirap maging masaya... Yun lang naman gusto ko eh..

crazy robot

Beyond my crying days, I am still blessed, I am able to see God's blessings within my FAMILY... No one in the family suffer illness, I believe we're all healthy.. I do not question God's plan for me, for my life, for my future career/job and for my heart..


I still am suffering for some pain that I caused for myself- yes I am blaming myself for letting me feel this way.. I was searching for things that wasn't meant for me. I am alone, I am hurt, I am so down, I am in a scattered life and broken dreams. In midst of all the things that bruised the whole me, I am positive of moving on..


If only I could turn back the hands of time - if only.. It's just too painful that somehow I am thinking for giving up. I really wanted to give up, but I know in bruised and deepest part of this heart, I still believe I can raise and be happy. It thought me things at first I am too blind to see and believe - TO LOVE MYSELF MORE.


And I was too blind to see that for some I am just toy, a sideline, a NO ONE.. It hurt every little pieces of me.. It kills every little pieces of my heart. It feels like every day I am living for nothing. Every day I live like a ROBOT.. I am trying not to give up, but where and do I have reasons not to?

inspiration

just read one of my favorite blog & blogger (superbianca.blogspot.com - Bianca Gonzalez), and she said "inspiration is everywhere!". For the past days i feel like i'm floating, i am as always inspired and encouraged with her words. I believe in her and I idolizes her so much. She is just amazing. The problem with me is even though inspiration is everywhere, i only have my beloved family... and now that my family is facing some life-changing moments I can't tell them how i feel. Deep inside I'm wounded, I am not okay, I am in tears before I go to sleep.. It's all my fault and i made my life like this.. I keep asking myself "am I a bad person?" "am I not deserving for love, attention & happiness?" yes, I need to feel loved, i need attention and i wanted to be happy.. There are times that I just want to stay at home and sleep all the time, in that way, i would not be hurt, i wont be able to think anything, as they say, sleeping is a form of escape aside from it is a form of rest.

i'm so numb..i feel so alone.. there are times i really wanted to give up, but every time I do, I always thought of my family and friends who love me so dear.

God, what will i do? what do YOu want me to learn?

life unlived.

Living my everyday for a quite long without a "LIFE" to enjoy. Things just come and go, i actually going with the flow of my boring day. I worked, go h0me, worked again and stay home after.. A lifeless in my generation, what a life! I regreted not having t00 many friends t0 be with even just for weekends, its not that I don't have friends, but most of them are BUSY [and I am the one who's stuck with my boring life].. I am s0 bored and so I did something to add spice in my habitual life. And so I succeed. I feel happy yet I'm not, confusing right? It happen that i'm happy that it change my "habitual life" yet i can't sleep enough because of the thought of it. And without even thinking, it will "pop" into my mind and made me stop. Nakakabaliw.. It was my fault. I can't change the fact that what I did was wrong and yes - VERY wrong.. I wasn't sure of what I am feeling, feels like every day I have to live my life with it. It will take TIME, i really mean TIME so i can't move forward.. I do't REGRET it but yes it was so wrong..


All i can see now is a four corner of a room with just me. Alone.

It takes time para makabalas ako.. When and how, i don't know... Feel wasted all the time..

What is the purpose of my existence?

Mystery of Life

I made decisions that hurt me. I tried to bounce back higher from my downfall. It’s just too hard but I tried, even I did not succeed at first I still want to try till I get the dose of success and peace of mind.. I cried not because of I regret the decision I made but because I know I hurt someone else. Not in my intention. I thought i just need that to know s0mething that will make and break what i have started.. I have no one to blame but myself. I repeat - NO ONE but ME.. I am searching for signs s0 i can move forward after this..


see the pregnant woman at the left.. and asking why this is the picture in this blog entry? well, it' just that, two special people in my life will be a future mother in time.. just excited for both of them.. i wish them luck . I am wishing although of having my own child, my salary and my situation would not permit me to and God has other plans for me..

i always thought how patiently a mother take good care of her baby for the first time she knew she was pregnant, when she first felt the baby in her womb , until she give birth.. Til the child first walk, first word to say, and a lot of first.. how wonderful..?

journey to love again!

I am moody.. I love to laugh.. I love to cry.. I love being taken good care.. I love to tell my story.. I love to listen.. I love to share my love.. I love to be loved.. I just want to be love.. to be respected..

I will love again.. but first I will teach myself to trust again.. to take risk again.. because I know I will love the same or much more.. I just need to learn and teach myself that there is a certain person that will come into my life that deserves to be trust and that person deserves the risk I would take. Who ever that person would be… I am willing to take my chances… I am willing to take the risk… I am willing to cry if I have to.. I am willing of everything just to be loved… just to be respected… treating me as his life is too much to ask… what I want to is that I am not just an option but one of his priority.. not a toy to display or to be play but a friend, counterpart, best friend and soul mate… it may sound as if it is so much to ask but more than anything, when romance is already gone, friendship and respect remains…

I just love to be loved.. treating me special in his own way.. telling the world that I am his girl.. the love he has long been waited.. tell his friends that I am the ONE… not just the ONE but the RIGHT ONE.. and I will do the same.. I will tell the world that I am bless that, I have that special person in my life.. someone who brings out the best of me and vice versa..

I believe that I have so much love to share with specific person.. who would it be?

Please take the journey with me till HE comes...

finally

finally i decided to post for new entry... every time i logged-in, click the 'create', stop for a moment and logged-out.. i can't find words, i can't start a single word for an entry, and so finally i decided to write..

two weeks ago, i went t0 manila for my interview, unfortunately, i am not qualified because I am a Vocational Graduate, but offered me to work as a Telemarketer, but still they have to evaluate my resume if i am suited to the j0b.. i lost my hope and went back to work. . first time i travel alone. i was very nervous but it is a very challenging experience for me.. s0 i bond with Mam Noreen, Jackie and Ai after that..

these are the things / people / places i encountered in Manila for 4 days:
Korean Girls, Gentleman at the MRT, Sirang Skirt, Jolibee, UP Diliman, Apak sa Paa, Federal Land, Taxi, Elevator, MMDA

(to follow other things)


_______________________________________

Kung ikaw ang nasa katayuan ko, walang mga kaibigan na available to be with in times you just want to be with them, laugh with them, cry with them, tell everything you really feel and think..There are times when i really wanted to be with someone.. someone who will take me to a walk, a have long and worth-while conversation. someone i can tell everything i am in.. some0ne who will understand.. someone i can lean on when i feel so weak.. someone i can call even in a wee hours of the day.. someone i can be with when i need a companion. someone whom i can be myself. is it too much to ask for it? its been a long time since i have one.. even n0t a boyfriend or any thing. .. even not in a romantic way.. all i'm asking is, i wish i have some0ne..

Best Eka nasa Singapore. Si Rose, halos hindi na kami nagkakausap. Si Jackie nasa QC/Marikina. Si Ai-ai nasa QC. Si Gab may trabaho na. Si Mel busy sa school. Yung ibang friends ko, halos wala na rin ako balita..


All i need is attention and have THAT someone..

----------------------------------
O.T.

My condolences to the family of the great master rapper Francis Magalona...

You Will Never be Forgotten.

HEART

Bilib ako how he protects what he has now, at least alam na nya how to value what he has.. But then, naiinis din ako, how he tends to forget or maybe neglect some people in his past life.. Considering that they are his friends.. As much as I value friendship and so are my friends, nakakahinayang na may mga taong hindi ko katulad pagpahalaga sa Friendship... I believe, those people in our past have a big contribution of what we have in present time and will also help us in our future, so we must not forget or even neglect them..

Change is inevitable, kung magbabago for GOOD or BAD..

Sana have a HEART to be considerate kapag may sinasabi tayo.. Don't be t0o harsh... Take it from me, alam ko na some time ago, naging inconsiderate ako and i honestly hurt them (or their ego), i made a mistake, and i feel sorry.. My apology..


Paano kung ang isang kaibigan wants to "thank you" for being part of his/her life.. In simple wa, he/she wants you to be a part of it, magagawa mo bang magsalita ng isang bagay na makakasakit sa kanya?


Want I'm saying is that, how you value you present should be the same way as you value your past..


* Once you love someone, that person is a part of your forever*
Happy Hearts Day!

@>--

I don't know why i'm writing now, but one thing is that i miss blogging.. No new things for me, aside from seeing my bestfriend Eka after 3 months and my Bestfriend Reyzon after almost a year.. Still, I'm stuck with life I need to change, more than anything I need to GROW.. I need new air to breath, new people to meet, new things from new life, new environment to help me grow.. I'm stuck with this life.. I'm not complaining. but God knows what this heart wants to, what this soul wants to.. I'm stuck because I'm afraid of taking my chances and I'm afraid of rejection, but then i know i have to ..

Jackie told me about a job opening where Ma'am Noreen work.. There's a Event Associate at S-Cube i've seen even early last year and still have 10 vacancies. I just don't know where can i find the courage of applying for these jobs and other opportunities..

One thing, I'm not inspired to do my job anymore... I'm hungry for growth, challenge and discipline and experiences.

The reason why i can't leave this job this that i know that i need here... And that my boss told me before that i should find someone to replace me.. But until now, no one at this moment is interested.. I wish there is... I can't leave because I want to keep what i said.. I just need someone to replace me..

What will i do?

Am i stuck here till i get old?

i wish not...

Rescue me!

Happiness

It's almost Christmas and this is the time to share not just the blessings, not just gifts nor any material thing but L-O-V-E... Four letter word but such powerful, meaningful word... Love can make someone s0 happy or make someone feel so bad... I hate how it turns to be painful for others, how it can break dreams and hope... How much it can give you so much happiness and how it can give so much pain..? And love it how it turn to be such a life changing for others and how it can make you feel like in a cloud nine.. Seems everyone can be so engross and in-love with Love...

I heard stories worth fighting for and stories that just have to let it go... I feel sad when it has to end and feel so good when it is being started... At the end, no one knows when will it end or will it last...


I've known her for almost 5 years... I've heard a lot of her stories from family to school, from love life and her life... She is a friend, I can consider my truest friend... She was there and always there for me - in my down fall and my survival and happiness. I envy her for having someone that i don't have.. I want to comfort her when she's so down because of that.

For her:
Tol, i know somehow you'll be able to read this and i wish you so well that you'll be able to find happiness within yourself and not with anyone else... I'm always here for you.. Rest for a while... Find peace and be strong... Sooner or later, things will get better, have faith...

( * ? * )

I'm tired of asking why.. its too much for me and i know its not good if i keep asking a million why in my life... since i still have no boyfriend since October of 2007, i keep pushing myself away of having a fact of having one... my family asked who will be the next and when, but i refused to tell them the reason why there's no one i'm seeing... i want to but in my nature, wala naman ako nakikilala... i have to, wala naman dumarating... i keep telling my best friend how i wish i have someone to be with, but as of now, wala eh... i can't force it to come, i don't find it, baka masaktan o ma-disappoint lang if hndi ko makita... so i rather be HERE, waiting... if GOD wants to... if GOD permits it to come.. i want it too.. how? where? who? and when? i don't know..

this is maybe the reason why i feel so alone... and somehow empty....


i need a life... i need to change my environment and things i used to do... its time to spread my wings and grow...

Extra Happy Birthday

i received a lots of birthday greetings, but two were special... yung message kasi maikli lang per0 pun0ng pun0 ng care at love..

i'm happy on my birthday....i celebrated it with my family, nothing can be more happier than that... and for the first time on my birthday, i went to my father's tomb to celebrate with him... it was s0mething personal and special, kasi i went there alone ( gusto k0 sana magtagal per0 natakot ak0 sa isang mamang lasing... ), talking to him, made me cry for a while... i told him that i really miss him kahit hindi k0 sya nakasama ng matagal... and even told him na i wish kasama ko sya, namin sya... my life would be different... its not that i want to change everything in my life...gusto k0 lang na sana he's still beside us... i asked him to hug me that time, kasi i want s0me comfort, pero hindi nangyari... i wish i had the chance... i really wanted to hug him, lalo na ngay0ng mga panah0ng ito... last night i asked also God na payagan ang tatay k0 na ihug ako, per0 sigur0, hindi pa pede...


kaming tatl0 (me, my m0m and my br0ther) ang sabay sabay na bumisita dun... kung buhay pa sya ngay0n, he's 52 na.. sabi nga ng m0m ko, he's t00 old na, kasi 11 years yung age gap nila... and 29 years naman sa akin, kay bunso 30 years siguro... nag-imagine pa nga kami, what he looks like... shempre, marami na rin syang puting buh0k... kamukang kamuka nya si buns0..

i really miss my tatay...


and then it i'm very happy and complete on my birthday!

nothing is constant but change

changes is inevitable.. and because of that, people get hurt, be able to hurt others and eventually lead to something w0rst or maybe good thing...


life is full of surprises... mahirap hawakan kung ano ang meron ka ngayon, kasi it might be gone sa hindi mo inaasahan... kaya nga siguro, we have to enjoy things while it lasts, enjoy everything kung ano ang meron sa NGAYON, kasi baka bukas, wala na... it sad but true... we can't say na naka-fix na because its not naman talaga.. people change and we can't do anything about it... we can't force them to stay the same...


just a thought - more of a question...


bakit may mga taong umaagaw ng happiness from someone else's happiness.. i mean, for example, you have your boyfriend, for less than a month, hindi kayo nagkikita because of your work or something like that, and then you found out, that his dating another girl... why, if that girl know that that guy is committed, still have to go on their way, i mean, of course i understand that, maybe the guy is pursuing it, but then when you know its wrong, bakit kailangan mo ipagpatuloy... when you know, its gonna break your girlfriends heart.. and change EVERYTHING...

its not bad to be happy, or wish to be happy, but then, its more peaceful and happy, when you know you're happy without having hurt someone else right?

i've read it and i share with you, "Just because something is good doesn't mean we should pursue it right now. We have to remember that, the right thing at the wrong time is still WRONG." This phrase says it all... i don't have to explain much further..

at the end, its not the third party that should be blame alone... because, it your other half pursue it, and you're happy, we can't do anything but let go..

pero kung kaya pa ayusin, why not... there's no harm in trying... and there's nothing wrong of making mistakes, (because we're only human, but we have to THINK...) when you know you'll learn from it and not commit the same mistakes...


(and by the way, i'm not saying this because i've been through this, but because i know, someone is going through the same situation, i hate the idea, but i understand both of them, and that i know i love them both...)


why stole someone's happiness when you can have your own..? why have to hurt someone to have someone who's someone else's happiness? I still don't get it...


I am not bitter..And this isn't about me... I love the person who's in this situati0n.. i love them both... i can't afford to see that person in vain - in pain...

this isn't the end of this post.. i'll update it sonner...

thank you!

if not for my best friend Erika, nakagawa na naman ako ng maling decision... she's always there for me not only to listen, and give advise (i mean GOOD advises) but she enlighten me and open my mind... she loves me that's why lahat ng sinasabi nya tinatamaan ako... she never fail to make me understand the things na naguguluhan ako... pero hindi sya nandidikta.. sarap ng pakiramdam having her as my VERY TRUE BEST FRIEND..

if not her, t*nga - t*nga na naman ako...

out ot boredom

i wish i was i child.. thinking nothing but to play around with friends...

all i want it happiness...


tapos bigla ko naman naaalala ung quote na binigay ko sa buong klase when i'm still studying... nakalimutan ko na ung mismong quote pero para sa akin ang meaning nun eh, "dahil you're searching for the happines, you tend to be sad and lalo hindi mo makikita ung happines na gusto mo.." Siguro nga that's the reason why SOMETIMES i tend to be sad, kasi, hindi ko nman hinahanap pero siguro naiinip lang ako kaya minsan malungkot ako...



kaya i WISH i am a CHILD....

>>>>>>sakit ng ulo ko mode<<<<<<<<<<<<

@?????@

i was hoping for something this year...


naiinip na ako pero sa prayers ko every night at kahit kelan ako magpray - i am praying for my happiness (shempre ndi lang naman ung happines ko, mahaba kasi ung prayers ko, ahihihi.).. naiinip na rin kasi ako, gusto ko na rin kasi ang "ma-inlove" ulet.. per0, wala pa binibigay si GoD para sakin... hindi naman ako nagrereklamo (sino ba ako para magreklamo dba?), siguro parang si GoD may gusto pa syang matutunan ako, na ako lang, na mag-isa ko lang matutunan... gusto ko ulet maranasan na magmahal at mahalin... ung kulitan sa text at kapag magkasama... stuff i love doing for someone special - some i love.. nakakamiss pero hindi pa nga ata eto ang tamang panahon... wish ko lang dumating na sya, SOON!... hindi naman po ako masyado demanding GoD, basta kung kelan alam nyo na i am prepared and deserving.. sorry rin Po kasi I'm asking TOO much from You at masyado na akong nangungulit... natatakot lang po ako na baka hindi ko na makaya na pasanin o ikimkim lahat ng feelings ko... wala na rin kasi akong constant confidant, maliban sa Inyo... ayoko naman po na magshare sa family ko, not becuase hindi ako close sa kanila, pero ayoko lang po na makadagdag sa burdens at problems nila.. kaya minsan i rather keep it to myself, even crying at night , sleeping at 3:00 am in the morning... i'm hoping for something that would make me feel so light and happy... i even asked myself, what have i done? i was so d*mn disappointed when i failed You, because, you still want me to hold on... i am...


but sometimes, i get tired and need a rest from feeling so alone... i know i'm not because i have the most wonderful family, not perfect but happy family... i want them to see that Abbie is matured and woman enough to face whatever i am going through... i can't help but cry when i thought nobody cares for me... even a single "How are you?" make a lot of difference.. i can't help but cry then smile, kasi may nakakaalala pa pala sa kin.. i feel so alone kahit there are people who still care and love me... hindi ko na nga alam kung san ako nanggagaling ang feeling na mag-isa ako, for in fact i have ALMOST everything... pero siguro nga, hindi lahat pedeng meron... GoD has its own way of making His people happy...

gusto ko lang na maranasan ulet na mahalin - pero this TIME for REAL not for REEL... ung kayang tanggapin ang AKO at kung ano ang hindi ako.. lahat kahit ng imperfections ko...

un lang...


happiness and peace of mind...



PEACE-LOVE-HAPPINESS!!!

lies versus truth

"pwede ba ulet kitang ligawan?"

hindi na nya alam kung matatawa sya sa kinikilos ng binata o maiinis dito...

sa tagal na nilang magkasama, alam na nya ang mga body language nito...

sabay sabing, "kailangan nating mag-usap."

"marami ng nagbago sa 'yo, "


>>> ngayon, hindi ko na maalala ang iba pang sinabi nya...yan na lang yung mga natandaan ko...


pati sa panaginip... bakit kapag hindi ko na naiisip saka dumadating yung ganitong instances...? nakakabaliw ang mag-isip ng mga ganoong bagay...

kasalanan ko ba ito?


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

its been a lost time... i don't know where i am... i'm happy... i'm contented... yet something is missing... busy na ang mga friends ko...

5 years ago...
bago lang ako sa school, walang kakilala, i chose the morning class, bakit nga ba morning class ang napili ko? kaya ayun, laging late... pero pumapasa naman ako sa mga exams, pero muntik ng bumagsak sa attendance... nagstart na ang klase... una, mga schoolmate nung highschool lang ang kakilala... hanggang sa makilala na ang buong klase sa tulong ng mga activities... iilan ang mga naging kaclose ko.. hindi naman ako mapili sa kaibigan... pero asan na nga ba ang mga iyon.. wala na akong balita sa kanila...


ung mga taong hindi ko inaasahang andyan sa panahong d0wn ako, dun ko sila nakilala.. hindi ako iniwan... bagkus mas minahal pa... ang aking TAOS PUSONG pasasalamat - alam nyo naman kung sino kayo...

hindi na ako katulad ng dati na s0brang bitter sa mga masasamang nangyari sa kin... maraming bagay ang pinagpapasalamat ko sa mga taong umiwan, humusga, nanakit, at tumira sa akin ng patalikod... maaaring hindi ko alam ang mga pangalan nila at ang rason nila para gawin iyon pero kahit matagal na ito, natutunan ko na patawarin sila kahit na napakasakit at mananatiling may sugat o bahid nito... pero ito ang nagpatatag sa akin... akala ko noon wala akong nagawang kasalanan para madeserve ito, pero kahit ngayon hindi ko alam ang nagawa ko sa kanila - humihingi din ako ng kapatawaran.. sa aking mga nasabi, nasulat na maaaring nakasakit sa kanila.. patawad po...


patawad na naging selfish ako... patawad kong na-deprived ko kay0 na maging masaya sa umpisa pa lang... at salamat at ngayon alam ko na tot0o..Hindi man ang buong katotohanan pero sapat na para ako'y malinawagan...


sa huli, isang pasasalamat at kapatawaran...

shock absorber

i wasn't myself lately... when i'm busy (not actually busy, but when i'm doing something or talking to someone) i'm OKAY... they would probably think that i'm STRONG.. i am a JOLLY person.. a person who love to laugh and play (just like a child).. but i am not.. i am dying inside.. i feel like i am alone, even though i am not... i am blessed with life... i have friends (well, they're all busy with their lives), i have my family (supportive family, though there are times i feel like i don't belong, at sa sarili ko pang pamilya, i just felt like no one cares for me, even them).. there are times i think of how it feels to be taken care of... it's not that i NEVER felt like that before, maybe, no not maybe, i miss being taken good care by someone, when n0 one is there.. when nobody care, but that person...

i told my best friend about it, and she told me, that i am not... maybe wala silasa tabi ko physically, per0 lagi silang andiyan for me...and she told me that i can be strong.. and i know that i need to be one... i have to be one...


i choose to be single, not because i'm not yet over my past, but because, hindi ko pa nakikita o nararamdaman ung love ulet... i'm getting tired being single, pero, i'm not gonna let it kill me... don't want to seek for it, i want to come it naturally, when GOD wants me to..kahit na gusto ko mainlove ulet, wala pang binibigay ulet si GOD sa kin... perhaps, GOD is preparing some0ne very special... s0me0ne He knows i deserve... i'm praying for it... i am prepared for it... namimiss ko na yung time na in love... na parang i can shout for joy and love and contentment.. ahihihi, lumalabas na naman kasi ang pagiging hopeless romantic ko, hehehe.. i just miss being in love...


sana dumating na sya before Christmas... ahihhihi, nagrequest pa ng date ng pagdating...


people might see me strong and laughing, but inside, i'm crying, dying..

**?????**

i'm having a hard time sleeping na naman... my job, of course is affected... i came late every morning, but my mind and body can function naman okay... nagagawa ko na naman ung trabaho ko ng maayos... marami nga akong trabaho na rush eh.. per0 i'm not complaining naman kasi, okay naman na ganun... my brother told me to st0p thinking things... eh hindi ko nga lam kung ano nga ba ang nasa utak ko... kaya nga siguro gustong gusto ko na busy ako para kahit pano mawala na ung kung ano man eto... ang hirap ng pakiramdam na parang lumulutang ang utak... i'm getting tired... i don't know why it seems that until now, wala pa rin ang peace of mind na GUSTONG GUSTO ko... wala naman ako tinatapakang tao... nanahimik ang buhay ko.... hindi man colorful ang buhay ko tulad ng iba pero masasabi ko rin naman na masaya ako... ayoko ng ipakita ang WEAK na ako... gusto kong makilala rin ako sa pagiging STRONG ko... na KAYA ko.. kahit minsan gusto ko ng sumabog.... (nakakaawa na ba ako?) i'm making myself strong, for my own benefit... i know i should...


i need my peace of mind... the only thing i wanted... T_T