sAmE oLd QuesTion...

anla naman, tinatanong na naman nila ako pano kung bumalik sya sa akin..

ndi ba nila ak0 maintindihan, ndi ba nila magets ung sag0t k0h..

alam naman naming lahat na imposible na ung mangyari..

ndi ayaw na nga nya akong maging kaibigan eh..what m0re of coming back db?

paulet ulet na lang kasi ung mga tan0ng, at ganun pa rin nman ang sag0t an0 ba?

b0theRed!

s0brang b0thered pa rin kaya ako, ndi k0 naman maintindihan bakit?
pang 4 days na ak0ng ganit0...i even wanted t0 cry na lang to release
something na I can’t explain…I kn0w am acting s0 strange,

even a friend of mine feels that s0mething is b0thering me…


am doing my very best to divert my attention to other things…
sa ibang ta0..even sa television

even writing … even singing

and lot more…


then this song always enters in my mind:
flames to dust
lovers to friends
why do all g00d things come to an end?
flames to dust
lovers to friends
why do all g00d things come to an end?
Come to an end…come to an end
why do all g00d things come to an end?
Come to an end…come to an end


I don’t know why am still like this, want peace of mind..
please give it back to me.. :(
WANTED: RESCUE 911
Bestfriend, please help me!!!



Wala na ako masabihan nito…
I’ve lost the one na nakakaintindi sa akin sa mga ganitong
pagkakataon sa buhay ko….


Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..


Bothered…

dreams.signs.

i don't know why my past still hunts me...two days in a r0w that i dreamed of my past..last friday, i dream of him with his girlfriend..& just this morning, i dreamed of his dad and his family...sometimes his m0m even his relatives...i don't kn0w why this dream came int0...i never think of them that much para mapanaginipan sila..yes, i do miss them..per0 ginagawa k0 na nga ang lahat para ndi ako maging s0brang attach sa family nya...kasi kahit naman ndi ako ganun kaclose sa kanila eh s0brang laki ng love k0 for them..kinoc0nsider ko sila as my extended family..

an daming bagay ang nangyayari...in just one blink, may magpapaalala sa akin...its either my magtetext or basta....natutuwa ako kasi naaalala nila ako...as in s0brang natutuwa per0, parang nasa anin0 pa rin nya ako kapag ganun...kahit s0brang masaya ako sa pinapakita nila...

nagpapasalamat na lang ako kasi s0brang naging parte ako ng buhay nila..at ung part na naalala nila ako....sana i can repay them sa pagiging nice...through prayers na lang siguro...s0brang binavalue k0 kasi sila..s0brang laki ng respet0 k0 sa kanila...masarap maging parte ng pamilyang yun..

kasi siguro lam k0 ung mga bagay na ndi lam ng iba....

wr0ng m0ve

palagi na lang bang ganito? lagi na lang mali ung nasasabi ko....


dapat kasi nag-iisip muna ako...bago umo-OO at huminde....kainis talaga...


dapat kasi magisip muna ako...bag0 magsalita...dami kasi maaapektuhan
kapag nagpunta pa ako dun....ano naman ang gagawin ko ?
ayk0 lang na magkaroon ng conflict, tapos yan na, meron na nga...



gusto ko rin sana magvolunteer dun, para naman may mgawa ako sa libreng oras ko..



gab, start na lang natin ung tutorial ko ha?


lam ko mali na naman nagawa kong move.....waaaaa




wasted na naman ako...




always.....

d0 i mAkE y0u pr0ud?

It hurts me m0st when I kn0w that some0ne
is n0t proud to be with me…
I hate this feeling of thinking of what he feels
When I am his girl…
Is he pr0ud of me when I am his girl?
I always end up asking myself…
Bkit ndi sya proud na ako ang girlfriend nya?
Siguro in a way proud sya…
Per0 bakit n00n sa mGa fRiEnds nyA
Ndi ko naramdaman na pr0ud sya..
naPapaRan0id na nAmAn ak0…
daMn mE, I – who have L0w self-estEem
& I really haTe it…

n0w I asked….


DO I MAKE YOU PROUD?


♪♫This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you proud♪♫

lovers can be friends

somehow the cliché " Friends ca be Lovers, but Lover cannot be Friends",
can be "Friends ca be Lovers, but Lover can be Friends",
in my own opinion i guess...
for i believe that perhaps both parties have reasons
why they choose not to be friends or to be friends....


that thing is the one g0t hurts and the other one is the one who cause the hurt...
maybe the one who left feel awkward being friends with the one being left..
or the one being left still have his/her reasons not being friends with him/her..
its a reality in a ended relationship...


whats the real thing about this cliché?

and then ..........


i keep asking myself, when i know that i am the one who left alone..
i asked myself, am i ready to face me and offer my friendship....
since we started as good friends....actually the best of friends... inseparable...
but nothing has change, i still want to restore the friendship...
but since our communication has ended
h0w can we possibly be friends again...
question like is he willing to restore our friendship?
does our friendship means a lot to him?
always make me think?..
and we havent see each other and talk as friends.....

hmmm still i have questions...and it always fills my head every time i see my bestfriends Dhren.....
but it d0ent mean that i still love him the way i love him before...
things change....i've been hurt and cause a lot of pain to others
i have move on and i have let go...
n0w what i want is to prove that


'FRIENDS CAN BE LOVER AND LOVERS CAN BE FRIENDS TOO...

my self-esteem

nakakainis talaga ako...down na nman ang self-esteem ko..


dahil ba ndi ako maganda?dahil ba ndi ako matalino?dahil ndi ba ako seksi?



isang beses ko lang naramdaman na proud ung tao na un eh...kahit sa mga friends nya, p*tcha ndi ko lam ung naging proud ba sya...


d*mn tama bang maalala ko na naman un.....nakakainis kasi si ************,


buti pa sya sinasabi lagi na maganda ako, na matalino ako, na swerte ang magiging boyfriend ko, tsk tsk tsk...buti pa sila - naa-appreciate ung meron ako.... kainis naman....buti pa si gel pinapatawa ako....tnx po gel....

d*mn

wala lang...naalala ko lang, feeling ko hindi naging proud sa akin ang isang tao.....lalo na sa harap ng ibang tao......:( sad but true.....



::emo mode::

missing a friend......again

while watching PPB Season 2 episode last night, i burst into tears....my mom asked me why am i crying...sadly i remember (nope, i begun to miss) a friend....someone whom i consider as one of my blessings...i fell asleep crying -- crying like a baby...

i cried because when Bruce Quebral was about to leave the house to go to Slovenia for the Big Swap, Wendy, his close gurl HM, crying her heart out loud... telling him that "kapag magkaaway na at nagkakagulo na lahat, sila lang ang bati...."


then i thought of my Best Guy Friend.....


s0brang sakit kasi na mawawala ung taong kakampi mo sa lahat ng bagay.....that's why i burst into tears and cried....s0brang kong naalala ung pinagsamahan namin, kasi naman s0brang dati inseparable kami...all most every day kami magkasama at nagkikita....we talked anything under the sun...lahat ng frustrations, dreams, lahat talaga, as in lahat..even our biggest secrets...sobrang nakakamiss na may nasasabihan ka ng mga pr0blema, ng mga nangyari sa inyo the whole day, kwentuhan to the max, kulitan.....


Lolo Kulot namimiss na kita talaga...miss ko na ung Best Guy friend Ko... s0brang namimiss ko na h0w we bond t0gether...ung mga kwentuhan....lam ko po na masaya ka na, kahit wala na ako sa life mo..lam mo nman po na no one can replace my BEST GUY LOLO KULOT FRIEND DB? nag-iisa ka na po eh..kaw talaga ung BEST GUY FRIEND KO...



i'm not missing him as my boyfriend...i'm missing him as my bestfriend.....iba kasi Sya as friend..iba talaga........



::sadly, hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon na magkasama ulet sya bilang kaibigan...::
::only time can tell kung ano ang mangyayari, baka too late na...wala na ako::

♫♪someday...♫♪

♫♪i know you dont really see my worth.....


someday someones gonna love me
the way, i wanted you to need me....
sone day someones gonna take your place...
ooohh , someday, i forget about you...
you'll see i wont even miss you...
someday.........someday♫♪


that someday has arrived....i mean i have let my past be blown and now i'm beginning to feel something for someone i truly can't have....his heart MAYBE belong to someone else...MAYBE his past is still there.....i know that i can never have him, i'm not even sure if he loves me or he just like me as his friend....no one would know who he is...even him whom i believe appreciate my worth..someone i can call a FRIEND....who he is? i will keep that as a BIG SECRET.......
what's important is that I'M HAPPY KNOWING HIM....and HE MAKES ME FEEL IMPORTANT....

::secrets::

bLissful Time

the past months that passed are simply unpredictable....i never thought that it will happen to me....but then God has it better way of healing my heart and continue showering me with lots of reason to enj0y my life and keep on looking forward....pe0ple come and go...just like what happened to my ex-boyfriend...he came into my life and after our blissful time together, he went away...he maybe left me with my heart broken & shattered, he left me with a lesson to learned...i learned to appreciate myself, my family and other people as well.....


i wanted him to know that i still value our friendship and he is my best guy friend....and that i still consider him as one of the most important person in my life and one of the most wonderful people God had given me....he might forget me as his friend, but still he deserve a thank you from me...he knows the reason for that thank you...


Thank you for letting me in into your life and somehow be a part of your life.....Thank you...and i hope you now knew that i'm happy...am happy letting you go and i have moved on...i forget about my feelings for..and still you're my best GUY friend....no 0ne can change that......db Lolo...? :)

left...move on..forget

why is it so easy for him to take her effort of saving what they have for granted?
why is it so easy for him to just leave?
why men choose to hurt women?
why does this things has to happen?

wondering how this things happen in just one blink of the eye.....i keep asking myself, bakit ba pagpinagkatiwalaan mo ang isang tao, he ended up hurting you....leave you hanging...leaving you with nothing and empty handed...why simple things are the one who seems hard to achieve.....? why people turn to be bad even if they are not...?

bakit ang mga lalake, nang-iiwan lang...if they get what they want at kapag nagsawa na sila...bakit ndi sila makontento of what they have?

kagabi, isang kaibigan ang nag-open up sa kin...she's so hurt...full of pain...nakikita ko sa kanya ung ginawa ko for someone....ung lumaban para maisave ang relationship...per0 magkaiba kami in a way that, the person she fights for, appreciate her and still holding on... but then when one of them gives up, its the end...i just hope they find in their hearts that they deserve each other a chance...forget what happen in the past...lam kung mahirap, as in..pe0 if mahal talaga nila ang isat-isa...kaya nila eh....ang mahirap lang kasi kapag ung trust na ung nawala eh...per0 if they still love and trust each other, they deserve a chance.....at sana marealize nila un...




sadly, mine had ended.....the one i fought for given up...but then, i'm not bitter anymore....i actually learned to live my life without him....kung ndi nya nakita ang WORTH ko, eh ano?marami pang mas deserving jan...marami pang ta0ng nagmamahal sa kin who will never leave me and drop me like a mush potato....i even learned to fight for myself...pursue my happiness, my life.....i can tell them that i'm happy being alone and without a guy in my life...i'm happy exploring things....ndi nman kasi ako nag-iisa eh..i have a lot of people who loves me more....more than i thought they can love me...siguro sila ung mga FEW people who appreciate me and consider me as one of their treasures....at the end of the day, i never lost any, i gain...i gained friends...i regain myself...the old me but a much stronger me....



dati kala ko ndi ko kaya, pero look at me n0w....happy....and enj0ying life.....even if sucks, i have hundreds of reason to love it and enjoy it...





my bestfriend erika will be happy if she reads this...she knows me well.....:)



::loving the OLD ME with plus::

choice to be happy

i'm pursuing my happiness that's why i am contented being single...my choice to be happy and leave everything in God's Hand....leave my past behind and never look back sa mga bagay na can make me feel sad.....if i will think of my failed relationship, i will be sad, and i dont want that to happen..simply because, its not worth it anymore....now that i know my real worth...questions like what had happen, what have i done wrong, should not be a hindrance for me to be happy....though for sometime, i still asked that questions....i never thought that i can survive this...for i have given up.....but then, when i look at myself....i am not worthy of what had happen......if he doesnt recognize my worth it, fine....because i know, there are people who are more than willing to love me, take care of me and never hurt me..... a friend told me that i'm someone who wanted to rush things...that's kinda true....when that unexpected day happen, all i want is to move one and forget...i dont want to bear the pain for long...because i know if, it takes so long, i will be hurt...i will cry till i'm tired of it....there are times when i told that person to just kill me instead of what he had done...thanks to him, i am a better person....a much stronger and tougher one...someone who wont easily give up...someone who knows how to play her game....







i just hope one day, he still consider me as one of the most important person in his life (well, as what he said) and still consider me as his friend....our relationship as couple has ended...now that i have learned to move on and live my life without him for quite sometime and now i know that his happy just like me...i hope our friendship never ends this way......i dont want to lose someone who became my brother and my companion for the past 3 years...if our friendship means nothing to him...perhaps, as my friend tol me, i should forget, .......the way HE DID....

an open letter...again

no one,
i was thinking of things and life...how my perception in life change? how my life actually change....i admire those men who are honest but then the probabilty of this are too small.....i keep asking myself, men usually forget things easily..men took everything they wanted and leave us empty handed..leave us with nothing....its hard to generalize men, but that what seems to be the truth..(for my own opinion, i guess!?)

i know this person for quite sometimes....but after what had happen, he doesnt seem to know me...why is it so easy for someone to forget? questions still haunt me...and i'm getting tired of this...even our friends notice that he has change..(in a way of our friendship i guess...) perhaps, he's thinking that i am still hurt..but i'm not...it seems that i haven't influence him... end of this....



my sleepless night are yet over.....my insomia is back...i'm doing everything to sleep early but then no effect....i listen to mellow music...read books......etc...i don't know what else to do...i want to adjust my body clock but what else can i do.......i'm tired....i'm sleepy at noon time.....:(

LOVE = LIFE

when i love...i just dont offer my love....








i offer my life......






::sadly dA oNe i LOVED (take note of the D) offer just love......::

-------------------------

what you is is what you get!!!

close encounter

i saw mr. reynaldo martinez just this afternoon....as the usual thing he does if he saw me, he smiles...it gives me happiness that he still knew me after the long time na hindi ako nakapunta sa kanila to pay them a visit.... still i have things i really wanted to do with them... for me, martinez family is my 2nd family, but i know i can't have them as my family... i miss tito bong, tita cora, si macky, si rey(though ndi nman madaldal, basta namimiss ko na sila), at lalong lalo na si ella....i miss how she make lambing and make kwento about something and anything......hayz, i miss her so much....... :(


i wish i can be with them...... even just before my plans of going somewhere....:(

forgiving

just last night i received a message from someone i dont expect to text me....the one, i wanted to be with, she might be someone i am afraid of, but then she's someone i wanted to bond with... she's nice... and just this afternoon, she texted me again and ask few questions....







i have forgiven you son, tita....i just hope makasama ko ulet kayo [kahit imposible na po....:) ] , miss ko na po ang family ny0...lalo na po ang only girl ny0, ella.....i miss her so much......

how could you?

how could an angel break my heart?
how could you say you love me?
how could lie to me?


:how could you?coz i dont deserve this....:

MEN are MEN

i just realize sobrang hirap magtiwala sa mga lalake...men doesn't deserve my trust...when you give trust to them, kung ano ano ginagawa behind our back.. its hard to trust them...

---------------------------------------------------

someone ask me kung galit daw ako dun sa gurl who replace me...i told her, i'm not....siguro natatanong ko lang sa sarili ko na, alam na naman nya na may girlfriend yun, would you be sweet to him that may eventualy make him fall for you....and to the guy, if you really love your girlfriend, kahit anong sweet pa ng ibang girls sa yo, wala kang pakialam sa kanila db? saka ano pa ang silbi if i get mad, wala naman db?





what happen to me, change my perception about men...dati sabi ko, ndi ko dapat lahatin ang mga lalake, per0 things that happen only prove me that men are the same....





men can not be trusted and they dont deserve trust......

losing the friendship

seems like he forget who i am..
seems like i am no one...
seems like he never knew me...
seems like i'm just a name without a face....
seems like our friendship had been thrown to trash..
& seems like i've lost a friend
& with just a blink of an eye our friendship fades....


.....................................................and that makes me sad.....