thoughts

last night sobrang hindi ko maintindihan kong ano ba ang nangyari sa kin....i end up crying...thats why i type this message for my bestguyfriend (kung kanino ak0 nagsusumb0ng kapag kalaban ko ang lahat):
To: xyz_chrome
sna mkpagsumbong aman aku sau..:'(
gusto ku po sna mgshare ng sama ng loob tLad
nung college days nd ndi ko mshare sa iba..
xenxa na po ha, abala p0 ang text ko..God bless
and stay hapi...
natatakot kasi ako kagabi..s0brang dami nang nangyayari at alam ko naman na ndi ko un kayang i-control... maraming bagay na pdeng para sa akin WAG na lang per0 MASAYA naman sila...i wont let myself be the reason for someone to be unhappy (especially when i know i can't fill the empty space SHE feels inside) ayok0 maging selfish when it comes to her per0 s0brang nasasaktan din ako kn0wing that HER decision might hurt other people...or w0rst might ruin what was already there, though sabihin na nating may lamat na... she maybe the reason or not..things might get worst...i dont want another man ruin her dreams, yes, she maybe happy NOW but what about tomorrow, will she be happy the same way she is now..? I'm not against anyone else if i know it will make her happy, but not to the point na parang feeling ko kinukuha na sya sa akin.... feeling ko kasi unti unti na syang kinukuha sa akin and that i wont allow....she's my life....

+_+


naisip ko nga if ndi namatay ang tatay ko, my life is different from what i have right now.. i maybe graduated with a degree...my dad will surely w0rk hard for our education.. ndi ako nagkaroon ng boyfriend na kilala ng pamilya at ndi ako sa MSC nag-aral at ndi ko nameet ang mga taong naging malaking bahagi ng aking pagkatao..at marami pang mga bagay.... but then it was GOD's plan na maagang mawala sa amin ang dad ko... bigla ko na naman syang namiss... iba kasi talaga when you grew up with a FATHER...iba pa rin when you know it is your OWN BLOOD....


miss my dad s0 much, kung sana nakasama ko sya... T_T


+_+

BABY

i wonder why my dreams are like this:




I'm pregnant

















with this baby....cute baby right?










napatawa na lang ako...wh0 will be the father? never thought of anyone...hehehe.... na-post ko na rin naman before that i wanted to have a child at the age of 24...that is 3 years from n0w.....and far from possible for i'm not in a relationship....and i dont want to be married just because i got pregnant...... weired yung dream ko... :))

*****

share ko lang yung quote galing sa isang kaibigan;

what makes the past special is the
way each 1 remembers the other

when they apart & they miss

the talks,


the laughs &

the times they've
been together...


live changes -- memories don't!!!


>> tot0o naman di ba? pati ung ta0 ung nagbabag0, so there's goes this one:

the w0rst pain in life is when
SOMEONE YOU KNOW
turns into
SOMEONE YOU KNEW....


the reality of life....that's why i've learned to understand the word MOVE ON and LOOK FORWARD....
coz that someone i KNEW helped me to mature and survive....

JUST WAITING FOR GOD SIGN

i've been through thinking for almost 3 weeks now......its just that i know am not THAT happy where i am... (career in specific).... i just want a personal and professional growth... gusto ko na nga lang mag-aral..pero baka next year pa un..basta just one sign from GOD....lam ko na dapat ko gawin....nagugulahan na ata ako...

current mood:














***_***


i made this one out of n0where....feeling ko maganda ako sa picture na yan..wahehehe

MEETING
SUNDAY 1:00 am,

Mel invited me to join them sa Toms, (wahehehe concert pa daw si mel dun), sinabi nya na he's with mack and nico, at mga taga MSC (e di lalo na akong ndi nakapunta, wahehehe )ndi nakarating ang madrama at emosyonal na si GAB... ndi na ako pumunta kasi nga wala naman si jacq, tapos ndi ko pa naman kilala ung ibang kasamang girls nina mel..no choice, kahit s0brang INIP na INIP na ako sa amin, stay na lang ako sa amin.... tulog, watch tv, tulog... tpos mga 9:00 pm (Saturday night pa yun) nagtext ako kay mel, nangangamusta at dahil wala rin naman ako magawa so nagload ako at nagtetext kung kani-kanino.... tapos un text text kami... s0brang nagulat ako nung makita ko sya sa labas, sabi ko na lang "ano ginagawa mo dito? sinunsundo daw nya ako....ask muna ako kung sino andun, sabi nya si mack na lang daw, s0 join ako sa kanila...wahehee, hhm i dont know ano ba un, nakita ko ang ex ko...nasuprised ako kasi nga sabi ni mel sila na lang ni mack, but its okay, s0brang nakakatuwa lang na, nag-usap na kami...finally nasabi ko na sa kanya na i wanted us to be friends - again.... kumustahan naman kami... at nasabi ko na rin na ndi galit sa kanya ang family ko... nalasing ata ako, kasi aman 2 RH tapos nag San Mig Lights pa, okay sana kung San Mig Lights na lang.....mga 4:30 na kami umuwi,...pasaway ak0ng bata eh may lakad kami the following day...tapos nagkwento ako sa nanay ko na magkasama kami that night, kinuwento ko rin sa kanya na tinatanong ni ex, if galit sila, napatawa ang nanay ko, kasi nga naman wala aman ganun, tulad ng dati, welcome pa rin sya bumisita sa amin, i know my mom loves him..anak na ang turing nya dun... s0brang sarap nang feeling na okay na ulet yung friendship ko with him... tulad ng sinabi ko dati sa isang kaibigan, S0BRANG NAKAIMPORTANTE sa akin ng FRIENDSHIP... s0brang THANK GOD kasi ung mga prayers ko na maging maayos na ang lahat for both of us, natupad na...ndi man kasing close tulad ng dati, in time magiging MAS maaayos ang lahat... kaya napakalaking tulong sa akin when i let GOD take over of things...when i surrender everything to GOD, mas naging maayos ang lahat......THANK YOU GOD and thank you Reyz0n for being my friend... ndi man tay0 nag-uusap or ndi man tayo magkita, lam mo na, may kaibigan ka named ABBHY... that i will be there when you need a FRIEND just like the old times....

STRANDED:

San Luis, Sto. Tomas, Batangas, (short cut from San Pablo to Lipa), s0brang nakakatawang experience, walang magawa sa buhay on Sunday afternoon.. sabi ni paul ipapasyal nya kami sa 3 mall sa Lipa (SM Lipa, Robinsons and Fiesta), per0 on our way palang, nasiraan na kami...sabi nga ni ate wilma, baka isa sa atin may balat,wahehehe, muntik na kaming ma-stranded dun, mejo malay0 pa ang nilakad namin, until makakita kami ng pedeng maghabilinan ng sasakyan namin, wahehehe n0 choice na eh and its getting late na rin, ndi na namin mapapasyalan lahat.. ngtricycle kami para marating sa highway, and it took us over 20 mins (lay0 db?).. inihatid kami sa SM Lipa ni ate wilma, dun mo daw kami, uwi muna daw sya para kumuha ng sasakyan...s0brang nahihiya na daw sya sa amin....wahehehe, kamusta aman un db? after 30 minutes or more than 1 hour, nagtext na sya, nasa parking area na daw sya, n0 choice kami ni ate wilma kundi lumabas, kahit enj0y pa kami sa pagwi-window shop...actually we bought accessories, tulad ng chain sa cellphone ko na s0brang nainluv ako sa PINK kaya iyon pink na pink lahat (personalize kasi, kaya meron initial ko..wahehe)... i bought earings and necklace (guitar pendant).....tapos bumalik kami dun sa house kung san inihabilin ang nasirang sasakyan... s0brang bait ni lola at ni manong, after nun, uwi na... kasi ndi na namin napuntahan ung Taal Lake.. :)

wahehehe:) glimpse of what we do.....

THINGS I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT AND I ALWAYS BRING....






these things keep me going....my READING GLASSES (super bulag ako, at laging napagkakamalang suplada dahil ndi ko nga sila nakikita....) POWDER (kasi oily yung face ko, wahehehe), LIP BALM (y0k0 dry lips ko eh...wahehehehe protection na rin..) BIBLE & ROSARY (s0brang laki ng tulong ng BIBLE sa kin, dun ako nakakakuha ng strength, feeling ko s0brang CLOSE ko kay GOD....) A PEN, NOTEPAD & FLASHDISK ( kahit san ako magpunta, lagi ko dala to, ewan ko ba? prang kulang ako kapag wala to sa bag ko...and the last MY DIARY, (MUST HAVE talaga... s0brang outlet k0 kasi ang magsulat ng feelings ko, and s0brang natutuwa ako kapag binabasa ko ung laman nito...hehehehe)




kayo an0 ang mga things you guys can't live without?


isa sa mga pinagpaguran ko, kasi i can't buy a phone kung kelan ko gusto.. =======>>
hehehe, s0brang mababaw man para sa iba per0 isa rin sa mga nasa bag ko ang cell co...








THINGS I DON'T HAVE (ndi aman kawalan per0 gusto ko magkaroon, hehehehe)


wahehe, pasensya na!!!!....

my past

A T-SHIRT REMINDED OF MY PAST

kasi may nakita akong lalaki wearing a shirt with MARVIN THE MARTIAN PRINT...i thought of someone when i saw it...hahahaa, nakakatawang isipin na ung simpleng bagay natatandaan ko pa...ung mem0ry k0 pagdating sa ibang ta0 gumagana na aman....siguro kahit ano naman natatandaan ko... hindi kasi ako madaling makalimot maliban na lang siguro k0ng nung ELEMENTARY pa, kasi halos wala na ako maalala ny0ng ELEMENTARY....wahehehe halos lahat kasi ng memories k0, parang kahapon lang nangyari..... naiisip ko rin, sa dami nang nangyari sa akin, may mga bagay na kahit masakit un ang nananatili...per0 alaala, at mananatiling alaala.....

----------------

dreams

sabi ni ate wilma sa akin, napanaginipan daw nya ang EX nya, si kuya GIL...tapos tinanong nya SILA kaya napapanaginipan din TAYO....? napaisip ako...... tapos kasi naisip ko an kahit hindi mo naiisip ang isang tao kapag conscious ka, mapapanaginipan mo sila kasi Subconsciously naiisip mo sila....

NAKATUWAAN KONG GAWIN....JANG NARA YUNG PINAKAGUSTO KO....

BEING ALONE

one of fear is being alone...can't stay alone in our room....hindi ko kayang magstay ng mag-isa talaga... nasanay ako na lagi akong may kasama.... if not my mom or brother, may isang taong nandun para samahan ako... ngayon ku lang naisip how things had change.....my routines and stuff i do...even a single laugh and every single tear reminds me that ABBHY you're all by yourself... i've learned to actually go to places alone...decide for myself..cry with myself...be happy with n0 one but myself... am just lucky to have those special people...and of course, GOD.... if not, i surely can't bear all these... kaninang madaling araw, nagising ako, bigla ko na naman naisip na GOD wants me to go through this hindi para lagi na lang akong masaktan kundi para matutung mag-isa.... umiikot ang mundo ko noong sa iisang tao.... maybe that's why sometimes, i neglect some of those who cares..... and when my drastic fall came, i never thought of fighting -- even for myself.... i just can not imagine my life.. sa totoo lang, i can not say that am 200% OKAY.... within this 6 months of being by myself, hindi pedeng itumbas sa halos 4 na ta0n.... i cried and i mourned, i hurt myself, i almost lost control of my life... and i bear all this things -- alone.... i've change... mas naging emotional... naging mas maingat... and i must admit, i've hurt other's feelings... sigur0 un din ang isang bagay na natutunan ko eh, kahit mali, nagagawa kong makasakit ng feelings....maybe not intentionally pero i know i do... minsan nakakamiss din ang dating ABBHY.... ung gurl na kung saan masaya ang ta0ng mahal nya dun sya... per0 eto na ako nagyon, may PADER sa pagitan ng LOVE.... i must admit, ndi ko na alam kung magmamahal pa ba ako... dahil DALAWA beses na akong sinaktan... takot na ako masyado.... minsan nang may nagsabi sa akin na MANHID at BATO ako... MY ONE GREAT LOVE disappear... at ngayon na mag-isa ako lam ko na GOD will provide me... SYA ang LOVE ko kasi ndi naman NYA ako iiwan....


i salute and at the same time envy those who are not afraid to love and trust again after being hurt by someone...because they still have guts to risk of maybe be loved the way they deserve or be hurt again...

would i?

WILL I EVER LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN?




WOULD I DARE RISK MY WHOLE LIFE AGAIN?




WOULD I TAKE MY CHANCES AGAIN?






WOULD I DARE GIVE MY HEART AND LIFE FOR SOMEONE AGAIN?





nakakapag0d na rin talaga!!!.....am n0t a risk taker, thats why there are times that am sad and alone... its my own choice....sigur0 nga sarado na ang puso k0 about having an0ther one....nakakatak0t na ibigay ang puso sa iba....nakakatak0t magtiwala....sabi nila bat0 at manhid ak0...walang puso para sa mga ta0ng nagmamahal... masisisi ny0 ba ak0 kung n00n ay nasaktan ako at sa bawat ta0ng nakikita k0ng sinasaktan ng ta0ng mahal nila, matututunan k0 pa bang magtiwala at magmahal..kung naniwala ako sa mga pangakong binitawan, sa mga salitang pinaniwalaan at pinaghawakan....


ay0k0 na maulet un...kung magmamahal ulet ak0, lam ko na ung ta0ng un na ang huli...at ang tama...




out of topic....:
want to have my baby on the age of 24.....hehehe

MY LIFE NOW....

In the melancholic hour of my day, when I’m all alone, nobody to tell my stories of never ending survival of loneliness….. when my very best friends erhycka is not around to hear my n0t so good stories……. can’t help but recall my past doings, how I laughed at most simplest things.. and cry when I felt so depress about something… I used to have someone to tell my stories….

But n0w, I’ve learned to live my life without someone to tell my saddest or happiest stories….i realize that I can do things on my own without heading for someone to comfort me, I learned to comfort myself when I feel down….. I learned to love what I have and not to ask for more of what I just deserve to have… I’ve learned to live without someone to love….because I know I have HIM… someone I know will never leave me for other…. Who will always be there supporting my endeavors and loving me unconditionally…with no reservations and hesitations…. I found comfort in HIS LOVING ARM, ….. and felt love…

In His perfect time…I know that He will give me someone who will love me close enough to His love for us….

But for now, i'm taking a rest and protecting myself from any pain...i wont let anyone hurt me again..... i wont let them bring me down..... if eon ago, i let them hurt me or influence me that leads me from being unhappy.......

im taking my rest...with God's loving arm....... ^_*

Old Song

nasa shop ako, mga 5:30 p.m. when i hear this old song...


natatawa ako kasi panahon pa ito ng mga older cousins ko...



share ko lang sa inyo...



Di Na Ko Aasa Pa
Introvoys


Intro

Ilang gabi na akong lito
'di ko maisip kung bakit nagkalayo
Mahal kita ngunit mahal mo siya
Ang hinihiling ko lamang mahalin ka niya


Chorus:
'di na ko aasa pang muli
Kung ikaw ay babalik,
saka na lamang ngingiti
Tandaan mong mahal kang talaga
Tanging ikaw lamang ang nasa aking alaala

Interlude

Naglalakad, hawak-kamay
Tila bang ligaya n'yo'y walang katapusan
Ang nakaraan nating dalawa
'di ko na makita sa 'yong mga mata

[repeat chorus]

Bridge


Sa iyo sana'y maghihintay
Ito ang gusto ko sa habambuhay
Ngunit...

[repeat chorus twice]

'di na ko aasa pang muli
Kung ikaw ay babalik sa aking piling
Saka na lamang ngingiti
Tandaan mo, mahal kang talaga sa akin, giliw
Tanging ikaw lamang, nasa aking alaala

Coda


'di na ko, 'di na ko,
'di na ko aasa pang muli


Kung ikaw ay babalik
sa aking piling'di na ko,


'di na ko,
'di na ko aasa pa...
sa 'yo

Love...Love...Love....

grab from Camille's Multiply Account.....

*******

Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'
Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
So what?
So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you.
I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.
Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.

What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.
Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?
It's not that simple.

******

..I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter any more, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love.
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me.
That's what I hope to give to you forever.
I love you. I'll be seeing you.



**nakakarelate talaga ako, feeling the same thing, per0 just as what people and i think and believe, life has to move one...Look forward and spend life to its fullest!!!!

memoirs of my past....

i read my past journal (high school ata ako that time...), i was surpised to know that i was destined to actually studied at MSC Institute of Technology (dati MSC Computer Training Center yun name...) nabasa ko kasi na i saw someone, a high school student by that time( just like me,ayon sa aking journal more or less 6 years ago..), nakasulat dun na he saw me not wearing our uniform (i was studying that time at San Pablo City National High School Annex V, wahehe, complete name ng school....)... dati kasi ayoko na dumaan sa school na yon, kasi nga private, ( hindi naman ako anti, per0 siguro dahil bata pa ako that time, my Inferiority complex ako when it comes sa mga nag-aaral sa private...), per0 n0w, i thought siguro its just nagkataon lang na nakita ko ung tao un...i dont even remember the face.... nung nabasa ko nga, i smiled, kasi ndi ko matandaan eh..

un lang ung maganda kapag may journal eh, i can go back to my childhood...sa mga maling grammar, sa maling spelling, even yung mga nakakatawa, nakakakilig, nakakainis na memories....

minsan naisip k0 na maging bata..less complicated ang buhay...sarap kasi balikan ung mga gawaing pambata...

per0 people grew old...people mature...and we have to say goodbye to our childhood....

we have to.....

How Sinful I Am? - Tickle

Abbie, you're less sinful than the average person. Still, everyone has their weaknesses,
and the sin you're most guilty of is

Pride

In this context, Pride is defined by an exaggeration of your worth and power in an attempt to feel superior to others. Pride can lead you down the wrong path when you feel like you have to be the best at everything. This kind of compulsion to achieve can get in the way of your ability to connect respectfully and equally with others.

7 Deadly Sin

1. Pride is defined by an exaggeration of your worth and power in an attempt to feel superior to others. Pride can lead you down the wrong path when you feel like you have to be the best at everything. This kind of compulsion to achieve can get in the way of your ability to connect respectfully and equally with others.
2. Wrath is the inability to control your temper and the destructive expression of your anger toward others. At its worst, a tendency toward excessive Wrath can lead you to get angry quickly and easily, causing difficulty in refraining verbal attacking or physical abusing the object of your rage
3. Greed is the drive to accumulate wealth and to live a life of excess. It causes you to prioritize worldly possessions above all else and allow the pursuit of money to overshadow your personal relationships.
4. Sloth is the resounding lack of motivation that leads to procrastination, irresponsibility, and disengagement from life. It manifests as a lack of goals or direction in life, and the inability to pursue the things you want, as well as things that can enhance the greater good of the world.
5. Gluttony is the inability to control how much food and drink you indulge in on a regular basis. It is commonly associated with eating until you're stuffed, uncomfortable, nauseated, or unhealthily unfit or obese.
6. Envy is the obsession with the good fortune of others in comparison to your own life. It is commonly experienced as a feeling of anguish when others have a higher social status, greater wealth, more power or success, or superior talent or physical beauty — and this emotion starts to dominate your existence.
7. Lust is the unrestrained, insatiable expression of sexual desire, fantasy, and conquest. In the extreme, it can cause you to think about or pursue sex so much that your work life, you relationships, and your self-actualization suffer.

--------------------

our of n0where....


sa kabila ng lahat, madaming bagay ang dapat na ipagpasalamat...



test lang ito ng faith ko...kung hanggang gaano katatag ang paniniwala ko...



nakalimutan ko noon na lahat ng nangyayari sa akin ay may rason..

tulad ng pagsikat ni haring araw sa umaga..

at paglubog nito kapag si buwan na...

tulad ng pagkakaroon ng bahag-hari...

pagkatapos ng ulan...



nangyayari ang bagay dahil may dahilan.....

kung nararapat, para sa iy0..

kung hind ipagpasalamat na naging bahagi ito ng buhay mo...



natutunan k0 nang pahalagahan ang kung an0 ang gust0 ng MAYKAPAL.......

believe in the power of PRAYERS....

because life is tough but we have hundreds of reason to live it
with much appreciation and do things to be the best of what GOD want us to BE...

wish list

Want to continue my guitar lesson

Want to see myself on t.v.

Want to join PBB (I’m certified PBB addict!!)

Want to receive a phone call from my best friend

Want to see Piolo and Bianca (I idolized them)

Want to be a great influence to others

Want to be known as a person who brighten your days

Want to be recognize, respected and valued

Want to be hug by my father (he died when I was 2)

Want to be LOVE

Want to know my purpose in life [ndi ko pa marealize ang purpose ko]

Want to be a GOOD CHRISTIAN

Just want to share this list i had i mind last night (July 10, 2007)... as you can see, am just a human being, not so contented, but am thankful that God have His way for me to see things on what He has planned...

From Bianca G.'s Blog

i never had a chance to watch Inside the Actor's Studio, yet i found it interesting because of Bianca Gonzales.. She's my #1 Role Model for the Youth...She's a perfect example that she is just an ordinary Youth with an extraordinary way of living (well, i wish i can be like her!!! coz i really idolized this gurl!!! ) Go ate Biancs...

1. what is your favorite word?
Forgiveness + Love

2. what is your least favorite word?
War

3. what turns you on?
Sense of Humor..

4. what turns you off?
ARROGANCE! :s (same with Bianca's Answer)

5. what sound or noise do you love?
Water I Guess!!

6. what sound or noise do you hate?
Siren or Motorcycle Horn

7. what is your favorite curse word?
Wala ako maisip at this moment

8. what profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
News Anchor

9. what profession would you not like to do?
paparazzi

10. if HEAVEN exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"You deserve a second chance, change to i what i want for you!!"

Proud to be Pinoy!!!!

More eComments

i find this comment very dramatic..but i like it!!!

Nice Article

Art of letting go

It’s over. He’s gone. Why do we have to part while love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we have to cry when somebody bids goodbye? Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose each other in the end? There are questions left unanswered. Words left unsaid. Letters left unread. Poems left undone. Songs left unsung. Love left unexpressed and promise left unfulfilled.

In a relationship, the hardest thing to do is to say goodbye and to let go. It is hard as breaking a crystal because you’ll never know when you will be able to pick up all the pieces and fit them together again. More often than not, they who go feel not the pain of parting. It is them who stay behind who suffer, because they are left with the haunting memories of a love meant to me, a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end of the relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that’s the way love is. That’s the bitter pill. The risk we have to take when we fall. After all, nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without knowing why. And we must forget not because we want to but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrow comes not as a single spy but as a battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song that you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath that you takes always remind you of him. Its like a stab of knife, a torture in the night.

Funny how the whole world becomes over populated when only one person is missing. Just imagine, there are 4 billion of people on earth and yet it seems you fell lonely and empty without each other.

I don’t know if it’s worth calling an art but letting go entails a special skills to be able to sparkle again within a considerable space and time. Time heals the wound but it takes a little more will power, a little more ingenuity on our part. Not all wishes come true. Not all love stories end with fairly tale ending and they live happily ever after. Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to cry temporarily to let go of the pains. Every beginning has its end like dawn has its dust. Its something we cant control, something we have to live with.

It’s over. He’s gone. But life has to go one. Goodbye doesn’t always mean farewell. There will always come a place and time where question will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled.

Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.

From: John Carlo Alcantara
My classmate back in College!!!

Trust

h0w funny i can advise my friends about their problems..even to brighten up their days and make them smile..

the thing is i can't to it for myself...


there's this guy, i know for sure will not dare hurt me...


he's nice, fun to be with, no dull moment..


a guy who deserve my trust



and my heart (i guess?!?)


but why does it seems that its so hard for me to love him?


the simplest thing i can do is to repay the love he wanted to gave me..


but then i can't...


i have risk everything i have before...


and now am on the process of regaining myself


but i just cant trust again..



i cant..



am too afraid..


they say i have to try..


but h0w..?



the only thing i want n0w is to let each passing day


worthwhile...


be the best person i can be..


be a friend who can brighten up your days..



and to be strong enough to face each and every day trials..




am not a risk taker that's why i can't love him the way he do...

One Way

muntik muntikan na akong um-OO..kulet kasi ni mel eh.....


last night i had a chance to meet mak (jacq's ex-boyfriend) with mel, nico and gab (s0brang pursigido talaga sya, h0w can i possible say no, he's nice at lam ko talaga na for real at ndi sya manloloko...the thing is ndi ko naman sya pede sagutin nang walang nararamdaman db? it would be unfair...ndi lang sa part nya kundi sa sarili ko rin...am not ready sa kahit anong relationship, not because ndi pa ako nakakaget-over, my reason is, s0brang ang hirap sa akin na magtiwala, sabi nga ni mel, iba si gab, andun na ako per0, sa ngayon, what i can offer is friendship...ndi ko nga masag0t ung tan0ng ni gab kung may hihintayin pa sya eh..ay0k0 kasi na masaktan sya... and he even told me na kahit sya na lang ang nagmamahal, [whaaaaaaaaaaat? tama ba naman yun?] )


ay0k0 naman ng ganun...gust0 k0 kapag nagkaroon ulet ako ng boyfriend, ung kaya kung ibigay ng buo ung tiwala at love ko...sa ngayon kasi, s0brang natatakot ako....


i'm still in the process of re-gaining myself and my trust to men... i can't force myself to commit and in the end masaktan ko lang..knowing that he loves me and i know that he really cares...


yeah, not all men are the same...at the end of the day, being single is not bad at all...i have learned to stand on my own...madami na akong na-discover sa sarili ko..i grew as a person... naging matured sa mga bagay bagay.... naging strong....dati s0brang takot akong mag-isa, sinasabi ko noon na i can't live without him, but God has provided everything i need to survive...that God is my strength...



sa ngayon, ndi ko kaya ng relationship na seryoso...... at ndi ko rin kaya ng ONE WAY...



sa tamang panahon



sa tamang tao



sa tamang pagkakataon..

Dreams

what a dream......? tama bang makapanaginipan ko na naman sya....?
ndi k0 na nga sya iniisip eh!!!

hayz, bakit na naman kaya?

and seems like s0brang nice nya sa dream na un....

i thought

4 months and i thought i have finally let my feelings g0ne...but then why does it seems that i still get affected with this things...when all i want to to simply forget...i just wanted to be happy.. i have mourned too much and too long...when i just thought am really okay, why this things have to happen to me.. i have let them be happy...i let them do what they want even if its hurts..


why do i have to feel empty again when i have more than 1 person who can make me feel complete....that person made me complete but then where i am n0w? am s0 lost, shattered......i hate this feeling coz i know i deserve my peace....



my story with that person has ended, but why does it seems that i still have this burden..? am tired of making myself happy and making other people happy even if am the one who will be hurt and be left...


am so tired!!!!


still am hearing the same voice... hearing the same words..words that just came out of that person mouth just to delude me and make me believe of a lie.....


why people have to lie? when all i want is the truth and a friend?



::ibang level na ang napasok kong relationship with you::
::mahihirapan rin ako without you, s0brang attached na ako sa yo::





why lie? when i need is truth?




why?

h0w can i?

nagsasawa na akong masaktan..s0brang masakit na...
ang hirap magtiwala sa mga lalaki..
nakakatak0t ng magmahal ulet..
the pain still strikes..
and yet
the one who can ease the pain
is actually the 0ne wh0 caused it!!!
terrible...!!
h0w can i be so numb?
h0w can i be s0 weak...?

video for the first time

tagal na nito eh...april pa..n0w k0 palang na-upload!! wahehehe *_*

open letters

blogging..blogging.. and blogging..

i just love blogging...

am here at ilaya.com, working while eating in front of my pc...

wahehehe, can't go home for lunch..

wahehehe

bianca mentioned in her blog that she recommend

writing an open letter coz that person might read it...


so i made this one:

kulot,

i, just want you to kn0w that i will always be a friend...and no matter what happen, n0 one can change the fact that you're my best GUY friend....all i want is to restore the w0nderful friendship we had....i know that it would take time and courage from both of us...s0brang nakapanghinayang naman kung dahil lang sa nangyari, our friendship will come to an end... am happy that you're happy, at ndi yun kaplastican...lam mo naman na kahit n00n pa, lagi lang ak0 nakasuporta sa mga decisions mo at ndi magbabago yun... i believe, we both matured enough para po maging magkaibigan ulet tayo..i h0nestly missing a friend i have in you..tulad po ng lagi ko sinasabi n00n, n0 one can replace you, you as my friend....mer0n nga ko dapat na i-email sa yo, but having a second thought of sending it to you, kasi feeling k0 ayaw mo naman ako maging kaibigan... i know, konti lang yung percentage na mabasa mo to, but then, if you'll be able to read this, the only message of it is that i really wanted to RESTORE the friendship... and that I MISS my LOLO KULOT.....my friend whom i can be myself, can cry with and laugh with...


abbhy:)

new envir0nment

nakakapag0d na..last week i'm so disturbed and b0thered by s0me thoughts i myself cant explain...am s0 tired and napupuno na ak0 sa mga nasa utak k0, but then, i still have to w0rk (xempre, need to w0rk, alangan naman maging tambay ak0 at pampasakit sa ul0 ng nanay k0...)its just that am tired of this feeling...pati na rin sigur0 ng mga tao sa paligid k0..i mean i've been w0rking f0r almost two years, same place, same pe0ple.. minsan nakakasawa na, per0 what else can i do...? sigur0 nga ndi na ak0 masaya sa trabah0 k0...kala kasi nila madali lang, yes madali lang talaga, per0 there are times na s0brang nakakapag0d, mentally & physically...ay0k0 magreklamo kn0wing marami naman naitul0ng ang trabaho sa akin...pati na rin sa kapatid k0....naghahanap lang sigur0 ak0 ng new envir0nment...new people, new experience....or maybe am getting b0red....wala na ung fulfillment k0...wala na urge to w0rk here, i dont kn0w why, per0 sa hirap maghanap ng w0rk tapos pr0blema pa ang MATA ko...san ka pa? kaya pr0blema k0 kung pan0 makakahanap ng w0rk...






Lord, am s0rry, am sobra na ata ak0ng nagiging pasaway at lagi ak0 nagrereklamo..ndi naman po...i dont have the right..kaya p0 binibigay k0 na lang p0 sa iny0 lahat... s0rry p0..

::umiyak na naman ako kagabi...dahil na naman sa kanya...kaiinis na nga ako eh....kasi nga sya walang pakialam sa akin, he d0en't even want us to be friends, tap0s sya s0brang nag-aalala ako kasi baka may pr0blem sya..i care t00 much for him but from him i am n0thing..::

gusto ko bawasan ang pag-aalala ko sa kanya..

sAmE oLd QuesTion...

anla naman, tinatanong na naman nila ako pano kung bumalik sya sa akin..

ndi ba nila ak0 maintindihan, ndi ba nila magets ung sag0t k0h..

alam naman naming lahat na imposible na ung mangyari..

ndi ayaw na nga nya akong maging kaibigan eh..what m0re of coming back db?

paulet ulet na lang kasi ung mga tan0ng, at ganun pa rin nman ang sag0t an0 ba?

b0theRed!

s0brang b0thered pa rin kaya ako, ndi k0 naman maintindihan bakit?
pang 4 days na ak0ng ganit0...i even wanted t0 cry na lang to release
something na I can’t explain…I kn0w am acting s0 strange,

even a friend of mine feels that s0mething is b0thering me…


am doing my very best to divert my attention to other things…
sa ibang ta0..even sa television

even writing … even singing

and lot more…


then this song always enters in my mind:
flames to dust
lovers to friends
why do all g00d things come to an end?
flames to dust
lovers to friends
why do all g00d things come to an end?
Come to an end…come to an end
why do all g00d things come to an end?
Come to an end…come to an end


I don’t know why am still like this, want peace of mind..
please give it back to me.. :(
WANTED: RESCUE 911
Bestfriend, please help me!!!



Wala na ako masabihan nito…
I’ve lost the one na nakakaintindi sa akin sa mga ganitong
pagkakataon sa buhay ko….


Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..


Bothered…

dreams.signs.

i don't know why my past still hunts me...two days in a r0w that i dreamed of my past..last friday, i dream of him with his girlfriend..& just this morning, i dreamed of his dad and his family...sometimes his m0m even his relatives...i don't kn0w why this dream came int0...i never think of them that much para mapanaginipan sila..yes, i do miss them..per0 ginagawa k0 na nga ang lahat para ndi ako maging s0brang attach sa family nya...kasi kahit naman ndi ako ganun kaclose sa kanila eh s0brang laki ng love k0 for them..kinoc0nsider ko sila as my extended family..

an daming bagay ang nangyayari...in just one blink, may magpapaalala sa akin...its either my magtetext or basta....natutuwa ako kasi naaalala nila ako...as in s0brang natutuwa per0, parang nasa anin0 pa rin nya ako kapag ganun...kahit s0brang masaya ako sa pinapakita nila...

nagpapasalamat na lang ako kasi s0brang naging parte ako ng buhay nila..at ung part na naalala nila ako....sana i can repay them sa pagiging nice...through prayers na lang siguro...s0brang binavalue k0 kasi sila..s0brang laki ng respet0 k0 sa kanila...masarap maging parte ng pamilyang yun..

kasi siguro lam k0 ung mga bagay na ndi lam ng iba....

wr0ng m0ve

palagi na lang bang ganito? lagi na lang mali ung nasasabi ko....


dapat kasi nag-iisip muna ako...bago umo-OO at huminde....kainis talaga...


dapat kasi magisip muna ako...bag0 magsalita...dami kasi maaapektuhan
kapag nagpunta pa ako dun....ano naman ang gagawin ko ?
ayk0 lang na magkaroon ng conflict, tapos yan na, meron na nga...



gusto ko rin sana magvolunteer dun, para naman may mgawa ako sa libreng oras ko..



gab, start na lang natin ung tutorial ko ha?


lam ko mali na naman nagawa kong move.....waaaaa




wasted na naman ako...




always.....

d0 i mAkE y0u pr0ud?

It hurts me m0st when I kn0w that some0ne
is n0t proud to be with me…
I hate this feeling of thinking of what he feels
When I am his girl…
Is he pr0ud of me when I am his girl?
I always end up asking myself…
Bkit ndi sya proud na ako ang girlfriend nya?
Siguro in a way proud sya…
Per0 bakit n00n sa mGa fRiEnds nyA
Ndi ko naramdaman na pr0ud sya..
naPapaRan0id na nAmAn ak0…
daMn mE, I – who have L0w self-estEem
& I really haTe it…

n0w I asked….


DO I MAKE YOU PROUD?


♪♫This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you proud♪♫

lovers can be friends

somehow the cliché " Friends ca be Lovers, but Lover cannot be Friends",
can be "Friends ca be Lovers, but Lover can be Friends",
in my own opinion i guess...
for i believe that perhaps both parties have reasons
why they choose not to be friends or to be friends....


that thing is the one g0t hurts and the other one is the one who cause the hurt...
maybe the one who left feel awkward being friends with the one being left..
or the one being left still have his/her reasons not being friends with him/her..
its a reality in a ended relationship...


whats the real thing about this cliché?

and then ..........


i keep asking myself, when i know that i am the one who left alone..
i asked myself, am i ready to face me and offer my friendship....
since we started as good friends....actually the best of friends... inseparable...
but nothing has change, i still want to restore the friendship...
but since our communication has ended
h0w can we possibly be friends again...
question like is he willing to restore our friendship?
does our friendship means a lot to him?
always make me think?..
and we havent see each other and talk as friends.....

hmmm still i have questions...and it always fills my head every time i see my bestfriends Dhren.....
but it d0ent mean that i still love him the way i love him before...
things change....i've been hurt and cause a lot of pain to others
i have move on and i have let go...
n0w what i want is to prove that


'FRIENDS CAN BE LOVER AND LOVERS CAN BE FRIENDS TOO...

my self-esteem

nakakainis talaga ako...down na nman ang self-esteem ko..


dahil ba ndi ako maganda?dahil ba ndi ako matalino?dahil ndi ba ako seksi?



isang beses ko lang naramdaman na proud ung tao na un eh...kahit sa mga friends nya, p*tcha ndi ko lam ung naging proud ba sya...


d*mn tama bang maalala ko na naman un.....nakakainis kasi si ************,


buti pa sya sinasabi lagi na maganda ako, na matalino ako, na swerte ang magiging boyfriend ko, tsk tsk tsk...buti pa sila - naa-appreciate ung meron ako.... kainis naman....buti pa si gel pinapatawa ako....tnx po gel....

d*mn

wala lang...naalala ko lang, feeling ko hindi naging proud sa akin ang isang tao.....lalo na sa harap ng ibang tao......:( sad but true.....



::emo mode::

missing a friend......again

while watching PPB Season 2 episode last night, i burst into tears....my mom asked me why am i crying...sadly i remember (nope, i begun to miss) a friend....someone whom i consider as one of my blessings...i fell asleep crying -- crying like a baby...

i cried because when Bruce Quebral was about to leave the house to go to Slovenia for the Big Swap, Wendy, his close gurl HM, crying her heart out loud... telling him that "kapag magkaaway na at nagkakagulo na lahat, sila lang ang bati...."


then i thought of my Best Guy Friend.....


s0brang sakit kasi na mawawala ung taong kakampi mo sa lahat ng bagay.....that's why i burst into tears and cried....s0brang kong naalala ung pinagsamahan namin, kasi naman s0brang dati inseparable kami...all most every day kami magkasama at nagkikita....we talked anything under the sun...lahat ng frustrations, dreams, lahat talaga, as in lahat..even our biggest secrets...sobrang nakakamiss na may nasasabihan ka ng mga pr0blema, ng mga nangyari sa inyo the whole day, kwentuhan to the max, kulitan.....


Lolo Kulot namimiss na kita talaga...miss ko na ung Best Guy friend Ko... s0brang namimiss ko na h0w we bond t0gether...ung mga kwentuhan....lam ko po na masaya ka na, kahit wala na ako sa life mo..lam mo nman po na no one can replace my BEST GUY LOLO KULOT FRIEND DB? nag-iisa ka na po eh..kaw talaga ung BEST GUY FRIEND KO...



i'm not missing him as my boyfriend...i'm missing him as my bestfriend.....iba kasi Sya as friend..iba talaga........



::sadly, hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon na magkasama ulet sya bilang kaibigan...::
::only time can tell kung ano ang mangyayari, baka too late na...wala na ako::

♫♪someday...♫♪

♫♪i know you dont really see my worth.....


someday someones gonna love me
the way, i wanted you to need me....
sone day someones gonna take your place...
ooohh , someday, i forget about you...
you'll see i wont even miss you...
someday.........someday♫♪


that someday has arrived....i mean i have let my past be blown and now i'm beginning to feel something for someone i truly can't have....his heart MAYBE belong to someone else...MAYBE his past is still there.....i know that i can never have him, i'm not even sure if he loves me or he just like me as his friend....no one would know who he is...even him whom i believe appreciate my worth..someone i can call a FRIEND....who he is? i will keep that as a BIG SECRET.......
what's important is that I'M HAPPY KNOWING HIM....and HE MAKES ME FEEL IMPORTANT....

::secrets::

bLissful Time

the past months that passed are simply unpredictable....i never thought that it will happen to me....but then God has it better way of healing my heart and continue showering me with lots of reason to enj0y my life and keep on looking forward....pe0ple come and go...just like what happened to my ex-boyfriend...he came into my life and after our blissful time together, he went away...he maybe left me with my heart broken & shattered, he left me with a lesson to learned...i learned to appreciate myself, my family and other people as well.....


i wanted him to know that i still value our friendship and he is my best guy friend....and that i still consider him as one of the most important person in my life and one of the most wonderful people God had given me....he might forget me as his friend, but still he deserve a thank you from me...he knows the reason for that thank you...


Thank you for letting me in into your life and somehow be a part of your life.....Thank you...and i hope you now knew that i'm happy...am happy letting you go and i have moved on...i forget about my feelings for..and still you're my best GUY friend....no 0ne can change that......db Lolo...? :)