Trust

h0w funny i can advise my friends about their problems..even to brighten up their days and make them smile..

the thing is i can't to it for myself...


there's this guy, i know for sure will not dare hurt me...


he's nice, fun to be with, no dull moment..


a guy who deserve my trust



and my heart (i guess?!?)


but why does it seems that its so hard for me to love him?


the simplest thing i can do is to repay the love he wanted to gave me..


but then i can't...


i have risk everything i have before...


and now am on the process of regaining myself


but i just cant trust again..



i cant..



am too afraid..


they say i have to try..


but h0w..?



the only thing i want n0w is to let each passing day


worthwhile...


be the best person i can be..


be a friend who can brighten up your days..



and to be strong enough to face each and every day trials..




am not a risk taker that's why i can't love him the way he do...

One Way

muntik muntikan na akong um-OO..kulet kasi ni mel eh.....


last night i had a chance to meet mak (jacq's ex-boyfriend) with mel, nico and gab (s0brang pursigido talaga sya, h0w can i possible say no, he's nice at lam ko talaga na for real at ndi sya manloloko...the thing is ndi ko naman sya pede sagutin nang walang nararamdaman db? it would be unfair...ndi lang sa part nya kundi sa sarili ko rin...am not ready sa kahit anong relationship, not because ndi pa ako nakakaget-over, my reason is, s0brang ang hirap sa akin na magtiwala, sabi nga ni mel, iba si gab, andun na ako per0, sa ngayon, what i can offer is friendship...ndi ko nga masag0t ung tan0ng ni gab kung may hihintayin pa sya eh..ay0k0 kasi na masaktan sya... and he even told me na kahit sya na lang ang nagmamahal, [whaaaaaaaaaaat? tama ba naman yun?] )


ay0k0 naman ng ganun...gust0 k0 kapag nagkaroon ulet ako ng boyfriend, ung kaya kung ibigay ng buo ung tiwala at love ko...sa ngayon kasi, s0brang natatakot ako....


i'm still in the process of re-gaining myself and my trust to men... i can't force myself to commit and in the end masaktan ko lang..knowing that he loves me and i know that he really cares...


yeah, not all men are the same...at the end of the day, being single is not bad at all...i have learned to stand on my own...madami na akong na-discover sa sarili ko..i grew as a person... naging matured sa mga bagay bagay.... naging strong....dati s0brang takot akong mag-isa, sinasabi ko noon na i can't live without him, but God has provided everything i need to survive...that God is my strength...



sa ngayon, ndi ko kaya ng relationship na seryoso...... at ndi ko rin kaya ng ONE WAY...



sa tamang panahon



sa tamang tao



sa tamang pagkakataon..

Dreams

what a dream......? tama bang makapanaginipan ko na naman sya....?
ndi k0 na nga sya iniisip eh!!!

hayz, bakit na naman kaya?

and seems like s0brang nice nya sa dream na un....

i thought

4 months and i thought i have finally let my feelings g0ne...but then why does it seems that i still get affected with this things...when all i want to to simply forget...i just wanted to be happy.. i have mourned too much and too long...when i just thought am really okay, why this things have to happen to me.. i have let them be happy...i let them do what they want even if its hurts..


why do i have to feel empty again when i have more than 1 person who can make me feel complete....that person made me complete but then where i am n0w? am s0 lost, shattered......i hate this feeling coz i know i deserve my peace....



my story with that person has ended, but why does it seems that i still have this burden..? am tired of making myself happy and making other people happy even if am the one who will be hurt and be left...


am so tired!!!!


still am hearing the same voice... hearing the same words..words that just came out of that person mouth just to delude me and make me believe of a lie.....


why people have to lie? when all i want is the truth and a friend?



::ibang level na ang napasok kong relationship with you::
::mahihirapan rin ako without you, s0brang attached na ako sa yo::





why lie? when i need is truth?




why?

h0w can i?

nagsasawa na akong masaktan..s0brang masakit na...
ang hirap magtiwala sa mga lalaki..
nakakatak0t ng magmahal ulet..
the pain still strikes..
and yet
the one who can ease the pain
is actually the 0ne wh0 caused it!!!
terrible...!!
h0w can i be so numb?
h0w can i be s0 weak...?

video for the first time

tagal na nito eh...april pa..n0w k0 palang na-upload!! wahehehe *_*

open letters

blogging..blogging.. and blogging..

i just love blogging...

am here at ilaya.com, working while eating in front of my pc...

wahehehe, can't go home for lunch..

wahehehe

bianca mentioned in her blog that she recommend

writing an open letter coz that person might read it...


so i made this one:

kulot,

i, just want you to kn0w that i will always be a friend...and no matter what happen, n0 one can change the fact that you're my best GUY friend....all i want is to restore the w0nderful friendship we had....i know that it would take time and courage from both of us...s0brang nakapanghinayang naman kung dahil lang sa nangyari, our friendship will come to an end... am happy that you're happy, at ndi yun kaplastican...lam mo naman na kahit n00n pa, lagi lang ak0 nakasuporta sa mga decisions mo at ndi magbabago yun... i believe, we both matured enough para po maging magkaibigan ulet tayo..i h0nestly missing a friend i have in you..tulad po ng lagi ko sinasabi n00n, n0 one can replace you, you as my friend....mer0n nga ko dapat na i-email sa yo, but having a second thought of sending it to you, kasi feeling k0 ayaw mo naman ako maging kaibigan... i know, konti lang yung percentage na mabasa mo to, but then, if you'll be able to read this, the only message of it is that i really wanted to RESTORE the friendship... and that I MISS my LOLO KULOT.....my friend whom i can be myself, can cry with and laugh with...


abbhy:)

new envir0nment

nakakapag0d na..last week i'm so disturbed and b0thered by s0me thoughts i myself cant explain...am s0 tired and napupuno na ak0 sa mga nasa utak k0, but then, i still have to w0rk (xempre, need to w0rk, alangan naman maging tambay ak0 at pampasakit sa ul0 ng nanay k0...)its just that am tired of this feeling...pati na rin sigur0 ng mga tao sa paligid k0..i mean i've been w0rking f0r almost two years, same place, same pe0ple.. minsan nakakasawa na, per0 what else can i do...? sigur0 nga ndi na ak0 masaya sa trabah0 k0...kala kasi nila madali lang, yes madali lang talaga, per0 there are times na s0brang nakakapag0d, mentally & physically...ay0k0 magreklamo kn0wing marami naman naitul0ng ang trabaho sa akin...pati na rin sa kapatid k0....naghahanap lang sigur0 ak0 ng new envir0nment...new people, new experience....or maybe am getting b0red....wala na ung fulfillment k0...wala na urge to w0rk here, i dont kn0w why, per0 sa hirap maghanap ng w0rk tapos pr0blema pa ang MATA ko...san ka pa? kaya pr0blema k0 kung pan0 makakahanap ng w0rk...






Lord, am s0rry, am sobra na ata ak0ng nagiging pasaway at lagi ak0 nagrereklamo..ndi naman po...i dont have the right..kaya p0 binibigay k0 na lang p0 sa iny0 lahat... s0rry p0..

::umiyak na naman ako kagabi...dahil na naman sa kanya...kaiinis na nga ako eh....kasi nga sya walang pakialam sa akin, he d0en't even want us to be friends, tap0s sya s0brang nag-aalala ako kasi baka may pr0blem sya..i care t00 much for him but from him i am n0thing..::

gusto ko bawasan ang pag-aalala ko sa kanya..

sAmE oLd QuesTion...

anla naman, tinatanong na naman nila ako pano kung bumalik sya sa akin..

ndi ba nila ak0 maintindihan, ndi ba nila magets ung sag0t k0h..

alam naman naming lahat na imposible na ung mangyari..

ndi ayaw na nga nya akong maging kaibigan eh..what m0re of coming back db?

paulet ulet na lang kasi ung mga tan0ng, at ganun pa rin nman ang sag0t an0 ba?

b0theRed!

s0brang b0thered pa rin kaya ako, ndi k0 naman maintindihan bakit?
pang 4 days na ak0ng ganit0...i even wanted t0 cry na lang to release
something na I can’t explain…I kn0w am acting s0 strange,

even a friend of mine feels that s0mething is b0thering me…


am doing my very best to divert my attention to other things…
sa ibang ta0..even sa television

even writing … even singing

and lot more…


then this song always enters in my mind:
flames to dust
lovers to friends
why do all g00d things come to an end?
flames to dust
lovers to friends
why do all g00d things come to an end?
Come to an end…come to an end
why do all g00d things come to an end?
Come to an end…come to an end


I don’t know why am still like this, want peace of mind..
please give it back to me.. :(
WANTED: RESCUE 911
Bestfriend, please help me!!!



Wala na ako masabihan nito…
I’ve lost the one na nakakaintindi sa akin sa mga ganitong
pagkakataon sa buhay ko….


Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..


Bothered…

dreams.signs.

i don't know why my past still hunts me...two days in a r0w that i dreamed of my past..last friday, i dream of him with his girlfriend..& just this morning, i dreamed of his dad and his family...sometimes his m0m even his relatives...i don't kn0w why this dream came int0...i never think of them that much para mapanaginipan sila..yes, i do miss them..per0 ginagawa k0 na nga ang lahat para ndi ako maging s0brang attach sa family nya...kasi kahit naman ndi ako ganun kaclose sa kanila eh s0brang laki ng love k0 for them..kinoc0nsider ko sila as my extended family..

an daming bagay ang nangyayari...in just one blink, may magpapaalala sa akin...its either my magtetext or basta....natutuwa ako kasi naaalala nila ako...as in s0brang natutuwa per0, parang nasa anin0 pa rin nya ako kapag ganun...kahit s0brang masaya ako sa pinapakita nila...

nagpapasalamat na lang ako kasi s0brang naging parte ako ng buhay nila..at ung part na naalala nila ako....sana i can repay them sa pagiging nice...through prayers na lang siguro...s0brang binavalue k0 kasi sila..s0brang laki ng respet0 k0 sa kanila...masarap maging parte ng pamilyang yun..

kasi siguro lam k0 ung mga bagay na ndi lam ng iba....

wr0ng m0ve

palagi na lang bang ganito? lagi na lang mali ung nasasabi ko....


dapat kasi nag-iisip muna ako...bago umo-OO at huminde....kainis talaga...


dapat kasi magisip muna ako...bag0 magsalita...dami kasi maaapektuhan
kapag nagpunta pa ako dun....ano naman ang gagawin ko ?
ayk0 lang na magkaroon ng conflict, tapos yan na, meron na nga...



gusto ko rin sana magvolunteer dun, para naman may mgawa ako sa libreng oras ko..



gab, start na lang natin ung tutorial ko ha?


lam ko mali na naman nagawa kong move.....waaaaa




wasted na naman ako...




always.....

d0 i mAkE y0u pr0ud?

It hurts me m0st when I kn0w that some0ne
is n0t proud to be with me…
I hate this feeling of thinking of what he feels
When I am his girl…
Is he pr0ud of me when I am his girl?
I always end up asking myself…
Bkit ndi sya proud na ako ang girlfriend nya?
Siguro in a way proud sya…
Per0 bakit n00n sa mGa fRiEnds nyA
Ndi ko naramdaman na pr0ud sya..
naPapaRan0id na nAmAn ak0…
daMn mE, I – who have L0w self-estEem
& I really haTe it…

n0w I asked….


DO I MAKE YOU PROUD?


♪♫This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you proud♪♫

lovers can be friends

somehow the cliché " Friends ca be Lovers, but Lover cannot be Friends",
can be "Friends ca be Lovers, but Lover can be Friends",
in my own opinion i guess...
for i believe that perhaps both parties have reasons
why they choose not to be friends or to be friends....


that thing is the one g0t hurts and the other one is the one who cause the hurt...
maybe the one who left feel awkward being friends with the one being left..
or the one being left still have his/her reasons not being friends with him/her..
its a reality in a ended relationship...


whats the real thing about this cliché?

and then ..........


i keep asking myself, when i know that i am the one who left alone..
i asked myself, am i ready to face me and offer my friendship....
since we started as good friends....actually the best of friends... inseparable...
but nothing has change, i still want to restore the friendship...
but since our communication has ended
h0w can we possibly be friends again...
question like is he willing to restore our friendship?
does our friendship means a lot to him?
always make me think?..
and we havent see each other and talk as friends.....

hmmm still i have questions...and it always fills my head every time i see my bestfriends Dhren.....
but it d0ent mean that i still love him the way i love him before...
things change....i've been hurt and cause a lot of pain to others
i have move on and i have let go...
n0w what i want is to prove that


'FRIENDS CAN BE LOVER AND LOVERS CAN BE FRIENDS TOO...

my self-esteem

nakakainis talaga ako...down na nman ang self-esteem ko..


dahil ba ndi ako maganda?dahil ba ndi ako matalino?dahil ndi ba ako seksi?



isang beses ko lang naramdaman na proud ung tao na un eh...kahit sa mga friends nya, p*tcha ndi ko lam ung naging proud ba sya...


d*mn tama bang maalala ko na naman un.....nakakainis kasi si ************,


buti pa sya sinasabi lagi na maganda ako, na matalino ako, na swerte ang magiging boyfriend ko, tsk tsk tsk...buti pa sila - naa-appreciate ung meron ako.... kainis naman....buti pa si gel pinapatawa ako....tnx po gel....

d*mn

wala lang...naalala ko lang, feeling ko hindi naging proud sa akin ang isang tao.....lalo na sa harap ng ibang tao......:( sad but true.....



::emo mode::

missing a friend......again

while watching PPB Season 2 episode last night, i burst into tears....my mom asked me why am i crying...sadly i remember (nope, i begun to miss) a friend....someone whom i consider as one of my blessings...i fell asleep crying -- crying like a baby...

i cried because when Bruce Quebral was about to leave the house to go to Slovenia for the Big Swap, Wendy, his close gurl HM, crying her heart out loud... telling him that "kapag magkaaway na at nagkakagulo na lahat, sila lang ang bati...."


then i thought of my Best Guy Friend.....


s0brang sakit kasi na mawawala ung taong kakampi mo sa lahat ng bagay.....that's why i burst into tears and cried....s0brang kong naalala ung pinagsamahan namin, kasi naman s0brang dati inseparable kami...all most every day kami magkasama at nagkikita....we talked anything under the sun...lahat ng frustrations, dreams, lahat talaga, as in lahat..even our biggest secrets...sobrang nakakamiss na may nasasabihan ka ng mga pr0blema, ng mga nangyari sa inyo the whole day, kwentuhan to the max, kulitan.....


Lolo Kulot namimiss na kita talaga...miss ko na ung Best Guy friend Ko... s0brang namimiss ko na h0w we bond t0gether...ung mga kwentuhan....lam ko po na masaya ka na, kahit wala na ako sa life mo..lam mo nman po na no one can replace my BEST GUY LOLO KULOT FRIEND DB? nag-iisa ka na po eh..kaw talaga ung BEST GUY FRIEND KO...



i'm not missing him as my boyfriend...i'm missing him as my bestfriend.....iba kasi Sya as friend..iba talaga........



::sadly, hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon na magkasama ulet sya bilang kaibigan...::
::only time can tell kung ano ang mangyayari, baka too late na...wala na ako::

♫♪someday...♫♪

♫♪i know you dont really see my worth.....


someday someones gonna love me
the way, i wanted you to need me....
sone day someones gonna take your place...
ooohh , someday, i forget about you...
you'll see i wont even miss you...
someday.........someday♫♪


that someday has arrived....i mean i have let my past be blown and now i'm beginning to feel something for someone i truly can't have....his heart MAYBE belong to someone else...MAYBE his past is still there.....i know that i can never have him, i'm not even sure if he loves me or he just like me as his friend....no one would know who he is...even him whom i believe appreciate my worth..someone i can call a FRIEND....who he is? i will keep that as a BIG SECRET.......
what's important is that I'M HAPPY KNOWING HIM....and HE MAKES ME FEEL IMPORTANT....

::secrets::

bLissful Time

the past months that passed are simply unpredictable....i never thought that it will happen to me....but then God has it better way of healing my heart and continue showering me with lots of reason to enj0y my life and keep on looking forward....pe0ple come and go...just like what happened to my ex-boyfriend...he came into my life and after our blissful time together, he went away...he maybe left me with my heart broken & shattered, he left me with a lesson to learned...i learned to appreciate myself, my family and other people as well.....


i wanted him to know that i still value our friendship and he is my best guy friend....and that i still consider him as one of the most important person in my life and one of the most wonderful people God had given me....he might forget me as his friend, but still he deserve a thank you from me...he knows the reason for that thank you...


Thank you for letting me in into your life and somehow be a part of your life.....Thank you...and i hope you now knew that i'm happy...am happy letting you go and i have moved on...i forget about my feelings for..and still you're my best GUY friend....no 0ne can change that......db Lolo...? :)

left...move on..forget

why is it so easy for him to take her effort of saving what they have for granted?
why is it so easy for him to just leave?
why men choose to hurt women?
why does this things has to happen?

wondering how this things happen in just one blink of the eye.....i keep asking myself, bakit ba pagpinagkatiwalaan mo ang isang tao, he ended up hurting you....leave you hanging...leaving you with nothing and empty handed...why simple things are the one who seems hard to achieve.....? why people turn to be bad even if they are not...?

bakit ang mga lalake, nang-iiwan lang...if they get what they want at kapag nagsawa na sila...bakit ndi sila makontento of what they have?

kagabi, isang kaibigan ang nag-open up sa kin...she's so hurt...full of pain...nakikita ko sa kanya ung ginawa ko for someone....ung lumaban para maisave ang relationship...per0 magkaiba kami in a way that, the person she fights for, appreciate her and still holding on... but then when one of them gives up, its the end...i just hope they find in their hearts that they deserve each other a chance...forget what happen in the past...lam kung mahirap, as in..pe0 if mahal talaga nila ang isat-isa...kaya nila eh....ang mahirap lang kasi kapag ung trust na ung nawala eh...per0 if they still love and trust each other, they deserve a chance.....at sana marealize nila un...




sadly, mine had ended.....the one i fought for given up...but then, i'm not bitter anymore....i actually learned to live my life without him....kung ndi nya nakita ang WORTH ko, eh ano?marami pang mas deserving jan...marami pang ta0ng nagmamahal sa kin who will never leave me and drop me like a mush potato....i even learned to fight for myself...pursue my happiness, my life.....i can tell them that i'm happy being alone and without a guy in my life...i'm happy exploring things....ndi nman kasi ako nag-iisa eh..i have a lot of people who loves me more....more than i thought they can love me...siguro sila ung mga FEW people who appreciate me and consider me as one of their treasures....at the end of the day, i never lost any, i gain...i gained friends...i regain myself...the old me but a much stronger me....



dati kala ko ndi ko kaya, pero look at me n0w....happy....and enj0ying life.....even if sucks, i have hundreds of reason to love it and enjoy it...





my bestfriend erika will be happy if she reads this...she knows me well.....:)



::loving the OLD ME with plus::

choice to be happy

i'm pursuing my happiness that's why i am contented being single...my choice to be happy and leave everything in God's Hand....leave my past behind and never look back sa mga bagay na can make me feel sad.....if i will think of my failed relationship, i will be sad, and i dont want that to happen..simply because, its not worth it anymore....now that i know my real worth...questions like what had happen, what have i done wrong, should not be a hindrance for me to be happy....though for sometime, i still asked that questions....i never thought that i can survive this...for i have given up.....but then, when i look at myself....i am not worthy of what had happen......if he doesnt recognize my worth it, fine....because i know, there are people who are more than willing to love me, take care of me and never hurt me..... a friend told me that i'm someone who wanted to rush things...that's kinda true....when that unexpected day happen, all i want is to move one and forget...i dont want to bear the pain for long...because i know if, it takes so long, i will be hurt...i will cry till i'm tired of it....there are times when i told that person to just kill me instead of what he had done...thanks to him, i am a better person....a much stronger and tougher one...someone who wont easily give up...someone who knows how to play her game....







i just hope one day, he still consider me as one of the most important person in his life (well, as what he said) and still consider me as his friend....our relationship as couple has ended...now that i have learned to move on and live my life without him for quite sometime and now i know that his happy just like me...i hope our friendship never ends this way......i dont want to lose someone who became my brother and my companion for the past 3 years...if our friendship means nothing to him...perhaps, as my friend tol me, i should forget, .......the way HE DID....

an open letter...again

no one,
i was thinking of things and life...how my perception in life change? how my life actually change....i admire those men who are honest but then the probabilty of this are too small.....i keep asking myself, men usually forget things easily..men took everything they wanted and leave us empty handed..leave us with nothing....its hard to generalize men, but that what seems to be the truth..(for my own opinion, i guess!?)

i know this person for quite sometimes....but after what had happen, he doesnt seem to know me...why is it so easy for someone to forget? questions still haunt me...and i'm getting tired of this...even our friends notice that he has change..(in a way of our friendship i guess...) perhaps, he's thinking that i am still hurt..but i'm not...it seems that i haven't influence him... end of this....



my sleepless night are yet over.....my insomia is back...i'm doing everything to sleep early but then no effect....i listen to mellow music...read books......etc...i don't know what else to do...i want to adjust my body clock but what else can i do.......i'm tired....i'm sleepy at noon time.....:(

LOVE = LIFE

when i love...i just dont offer my love....








i offer my life......






::sadly dA oNe i LOVED (take note of the D) offer just love......::

-------------------------

what you is is what you get!!!

close encounter

i saw mr. reynaldo martinez just this afternoon....as the usual thing he does if he saw me, he smiles...it gives me happiness that he still knew me after the long time na hindi ako nakapunta sa kanila to pay them a visit.... still i have things i really wanted to do with them... for me, martinez family is my 2nd family, but i know i can't have them as my family... i miss tito bong, tita cora, si macky, si rey(though ndi nman madaldal, basta namimiss ko na sila), at lalong lalo na si ella....i miss how she make lambing and make kwento about something and anything......hayz, i miss her so much....... :(


i wish i can be with them...... even just before my plans of going somewhere....:(

forgiving

just last night i received a message from someone i dont expect to text me....the one, i wanted to be with, she might be someone i am afraid of, but then she's someone i wanted to bond with... she's nice... and just this afternoon, she texted me again and ask few questions....







i have forgiven you son, tita....i just hope makasama ko ulet kayo [kahit imposible na po....:) ] , miss ko na po ang family ny0...lalo na po ang only girl ny0, ella.....i miss her so much......

how could you?

how could an angel break my heart?
how could you say you love me?
how could lie to me?


:how could you?coz i dont deserve this....:

MEN are MEN

i just realize sobrang hirap magtiwala sa mga lalake...men doesn't deserve my trust...when you give trust to them, kung ano ano ginagawa behind our back.. its hard to trust them...

---------------------------------------------------

someone ask me kung galit daw ako dun sa gurl who replace me...i told her, i'm not....siguro natatanong ko lang sa sarili ko na, alam na naman nya na may girlfriend yun, would you be sweet to him that may eventualy make him fall for you....and to the guy, if you really love your girlfriend, kahit anong sweet pa ng ibang girls sa yo, wala kang pakialam sa kanila db? saka ano pa ang silbi if i get mad, wala naman db?





what happen to me, change my perception about men...dati sabi ko, ndi ko dapat lahatin ang mga lalake, per0 things that happen only prove me that men are the same....





men can not be trusted and they dont deserve trust......

losing the friendship

seems like he forget who i am..
seems like i am no one...
seems like he never knew me...
seems like i'm just a name without a face....
seems like our friendship had been thrown to trash..
& seems like i've lost a friend
& with just a blink of an eye our friendship fades....


.....................................................and that makes me sad.....

give me reason

i realize men can not be contented with what they already have…
they searched for something else…


give me reason to hate you....
give me reason to forget you...
give me what i deserve....


when you lied......
i lied when i said i love you....


::please change::

how does it feel?

how does it feel to be the reason of a break-up?
how does it feel to be left alone?
how does it feel when you are the one who left?
how does it feel to be someone who dominate the game of love?

:: i'm tired of being nice!!!::

who are you?

Who are you to hurt me?
Who are you to swindle me?
Who are you to judge me?
Who are you to rupture my dreams?
Who are you to make me fall?
Who are you to tell me what to do?
Who are you to delude me?
Who are you to leave me with this wretchedness?

-----------------------------------------------------------------

you said sorry, i forgave you....

you ask for chance, i gave it to you...

i realize...

those were just a utter words

only to deceive me...only to hurt me...

i once chase you & run after you,

but then you run after her.....

i die a thousand times

only for you to say Goodbye...

i dont want to live my life

only to live with this undying memories....

memories filled with loneliness..

i am alone in this dark room....

sat in one corner, cry until i'm tired.....

i became so weak..so fragile

when with just a gentle blow of wind

i will shatter into pieces......

i was broken...i was down...

but hey, hear me now,

i'm stronger than you think i am...

i will play my game...

i will be a tougher contender.....

i will not play that i can hurt you...

but i will not play it safe, too...

watch out for what i become....

for what you have made me....

how does it feel to be the reason of my insanity

of my misery, of my distress..

of my life so long filled with love and happiness

with contentment and assurance....

but now, full of grievance...

you lied...

you never cared....

you i am to blame you...?

who i am to ask?

i have enough reason to be love...

i know, when i am myself,

people starts to love me

hate me

and

envy me....

*i cant find a word that will best describe the hurt*

*i deserve LOVE, honesty, fidelity and RESPECT*

God has reasons

wondering how God works?


its been while since i search for someone who will end my misery...


as of today 12:14 am, March 13, 2007 at San Pablo City...


my misery has ended...



i've seen the one i long been waited to see...


my curiousity ends...


my misery ends.....


my agony ends…


my crying days are over…


my life begins....


my hAppy Life is yet to begin...


life is a tough journey....


the sorrow, the pain may still hunts me


but I will face them…..



learning to live this life full of lie

full of insults..

full of bitches …..


that makes me a tougher one…..


now I know how to play the game…


I’m tried of being such a loser….


i choose to be hAppy...


i choose to understand those people who hurt me...



I choose to forgive…




I choose to forget…




I choose the love them rather than to hate them…




I choose n0t to revenge…



i am not worthless, I am not a selfish



yes I am a sinner, I am bad….


That’s why…….



No one would love me when take my revenge…

I AM WORTHY
I DESERVE HONESTY, FIDELITY
AND RESPECT……

MY COLORS

may TRUE may HINDI..per0 90% accurate....hehehe

Abbie, the first color you chose reveals that you're feeling Calm today.

For centuries, colors have been known for their energizing, calming and empowering qualities. In schools of psychology, a leading color theory suggests that your color preferences can also indicate what's on your subconscious mind. From your choices, here's what we found out about you. Like other people who chose Blue first, you tend to take things in stride. Instead of getting worked up over situations, you probably solve problems without feeling too much emotional stress. [ yes, i tend to take things in stride but at the end of the day, i know i have to fave them, i worked over things and solve them, un nga lang it takes time] The fact that you chose Blue first also indicates that others probably see you as a mild-mannered person who has a balanced approach to life.How rare is this color choice? 33% test takers also chose Blue first, but less than 0.10% of test-takers share your exact 8-color sequence.

This insightful color personality test, developed by color psychologist Max Luscher, reveals detailed information about your unconscious mind based on the order of your color selections. Luscher's research revealed that the order in which you selected a series of colors is significant. In fact, not only was he able to determine that the order was relevant, but he revealed that particular aspects of your life could be represented by specific color choices. This goes beyond what colors you like the most. Luscher made a connection between color preferences and how they related to your subconscious mind. There is a meaning behind your single color choices, as well as your color pairs. This report will provide detailed info on both. We'll begin with the first color you chose.Your Leading ColorThe color you choose first symbolizes the methods you use to achieve your hopes, dreams and greatest goals. This is the color you're most drawn to, which indicates that you're turning toward the qualities this color evokes. It may be you want to incorporate more of what the color symbolizes into your life, or that it's a reflection of your current mental state. Blue. This reveals that overall, you're Calm. Like other people who choose Blue first, you likely tend to take things in stride, without getting too worked up over situations. Others probably see you as mild-mannered and centered in your approach to life. According to Luscher, Blue in the first position also reveals that you have a desire for either emotional tranquility or physiological rest. You may long to escape emotional conflict or a situation that has been demanding, or you may crave a restful period that doesn't require a lot of physical activity. Overall, you long for a calm environment that is free from stressors, even though you do have the capacity to handle stress with grace. You need for your relationships to be free of conflict, as it's essential for you to be able to trust those who are close to you and be trusted by them in return. You have a quiet spirit, a peaceful manner and impeccable integrity. 33% test takers also chose Blue first.

Your Color Test Report

This is the color of your personality. Of all test takers, only less than 0.10% have the same exact combination as you. According to Luscher, each of your selections reveals something particular to your personality. The following section will reveal what Luscher believes each color selection reveals about your true self.


The Luscher Method
Luscher believed that each color has a particular psychological meaning and physiological impact. Unlike words, he believed that colors have universal meaning. This means that no matter your age, race, gender, national identity, educational or socioeconomic level, or personality quirks, colors carry the same natural associations.Following is some more detailed information about each of the eight colors. Below are Luscher's findings on which positions are most common for that color. You can apply all of this to the information in order to enhance your understanding of your unique color spectrum.



Blue - The dark blue color in this test symbolizes the calm of an untroubled sea. It represents fulfillment, as well as truth, love and devotion. It relates to tender emotions and sensitivity. Studies have found that when people look at this color, their respiration and blood pressure are reduced. Dark blue corresponds with the basic biological need for tranquility and contentment. According to Tickle's research, Blue is most commonly chosen in positions one through four, especially in the first two positions. It is the most popular choice for the first position.
writeleadingcolor(1);

Red - The red on this test, which contains enough yellow to give it an orange hue, is the expression of vital force. Red speeds up one's pulse, respiration, and blood pressure. It represents desire, appetites and cravings. It symbolizes the desire to achieve and a need to "do." Red is the present, and it represents all forms of power, from sexuality to innovative change. It is the blood of conquest and the flame igniting the human spirit. According to Tickle's studies, it is somewhat uncommon for Red to be chosen in the last three positions.
writeleadingcolor(2);

Black - Black is the dark negation of color. It expresses the idea of nothingness, endings and extinction. Black is about surrender and relinquishing. It has great impact on the color with which it's paired, emphasizing the impact of that color. Choosing black in the early positions is an act of extremeness and rebellion, a sign of revolt. When black is chosen last, Luscher believed it is a sign of not wanting to relinquish anything, and instead be in control of your own fate. Tickle found that, more than any other color, Black is chosen equally for each of the eight positions, with a slight tendency to be chosen in the last four positions.
writeleadingcolor(3);

Yellow - Yellow, the brightest color on the test, represents lightness and good cheer. Yellow is radiance, expansiveness, and a release from burdens. Symbolically, yellow is the warm sunlight. Yellow is more uncertain than red; while it indicates flurried diligence, this focus comes in fits and starts. Yellow is progressive, always going toward the new and the developing. Tickle's findings revealed that it is somewhat uncommon for Yellow to be chosen in the first or second position.
writeleadingcolor(4);

Gray - The shade of gray used on this test is neither dark nor light, and thus it is free of any specific psychological tendency. Gray symbolizes neutrality, the halfway point between white and black. This is the color of noninvolvement. It also represents the desire to hide or conceal. Tickle found that Gray is most commonly chosen in positions five through eight, especially in the last two positions.
writeleadingcolor(5);

Brown - This brown is a darkened yellow-red. Yellow dampens Red's vitality and thus makes it more peaceful. Brown's vitality is less active, and is instead more receptive than Red's. Brown is sensuous, relating to the physical body. It is also about the importance of roots, home and family. Tickle's research found that Brown is the most common color choice for the last position.
writeleadingcolor(6);

Violet - As a combination of both blue and red, violet manages to be its own distinct color, though it does lose the clarity and purpose that both red and blue have on their own. Violet is the magical union of red's need to conquer and blue's need to surrender. It is intuition and sensitivity. Violet is also about wish fulfillment and fantasy, a state in which the world is a magical place. Violet, due to its fantastical nature, can sometimes lead to irresponsibility. Tickle found that Violet is the second most commonly chosen color for the first position, second only to blue.
writeleadingcolor(7);

Green - The blue-green color on this test represents perseverance, constancy and firmness. Green symbolizes the most resistant to change, the most self-awareness, the most self-possession. Emotionally, green is a sign of pride. Symbolically, it corresponds with the towering and austere sequoia, deep-rooted, unchanging, and monumental. Green is the color of precise memory, accuracy and logic. Tickle found that it's somewhat uncommon for Green to be chosen first or last, and that Green tends to be chosen toward the middle of the selection process.


While the first color you select reveals your unique approach to life, your second color indicates what you're actually trying to achieve with that approach. In the next section Your First Pairing, you'll learn how your first and second colors combine to reveal information about your current life direction. In following sections in this report, you'll learn about the significance of Your Second, Third and Fourth Pairings as well.
Your First Pairing: What You Want and How You Get ItThe first two colors you selected make up your first pairing. According to Luscher, these are the colors that you're most drawn to. The order of your selections here are particularly significant. The first color you choose represents the method you rely on to achieve your goals. The second color represents what your actual goal is. As a pair, these first two colors signify your dreams and the methods you employ to make them a reality.

You chose Blue first and Red second. This means that you long for affection and harmony in your relationships. You desire an intimate partnership that's based on love, trust, and self-sacrifice. Out of all test-takers, 7.16% select these two colors in the first and second positions.

Your Second Pairing: How You're Coping Now The third and forth color you chose comprise your second pairing. Luscher believed that your second pairing represents your present set of circumstances and how you are responding to them.

Black/Yellow is your second pairing. In relation to what's going on in your life, your current situation involves some critical or dangerous elements that desperately need a solution. You reject advice from others, and you may make reckless or sudden decisions. Among others who take this test, 1.51% chose this color combination in the third and forth positions.
Your Third Pairing: What You Have in ReserveYour third pairing is based on the fifth and sixth colors you picked. Luscher believed these are the colors you're indifferent to; you neither prefer them nor reject them. The colors in this pairing represent the behaviors that you're repressing. It's also possible you may not be choosing them because you feel they'd be inappropriate. Once your situation changes, you could draw on these behaviors as you see fit.

Your third pairing is Gray/Brown. According to Luscher's theories, this indicates that you're holding back to avoid conflict. You're willing to become emotionally attached, and you're also able to achieve physical satisfaction from your sex life. 1.96% of test takers share this combination for the fifth and sixth positions.

Your Fourth Pairing: What You're RejectingThe final two colors you selected make up your highly significant fourth pairing. According to Luscher's theories, these are the colors you are rejecting, which means you're turning away from the qualities they represent. These colors represent a need that you're repressing due to your life situation. Luscher believed that the colors you like the least reveal the most about you.

Violet/Green is your fourth and final pairing. This means you're rejecting or suppressing the strength of mind you need to escape a bad situation. You currently feel humiliated by the lack of appreciation you're getting. You feel disheartened, alone, and completely misunderstood. You want to escape, but you feel like you aren't getting anywhere. Among other test-takers, 1.02% share this color combination in the seventh and eighth positions.

enj0ying life

i'm enj0ying my life right n0w... i've met new people... exploring things i dont usually do.. and it helps me a lot...to recover, to actually move on and live my life as it was before... maybe because i've learned and realize that life is too short.....i do not want to regret one day, that i havent done what i i know can make me happy..i dont wanna live my life with regrets...and also pe0ple who hurted me, helps me to know myself better...to know my strenghts and weaknesses....and i found my REAL, TRUE FRIENDS....

minsan kasi ung mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan mo or even ung mga taong tinuring mong kaibigan, sila pa ung nananakit sa yo..felt bad aper0 shempre you have to forgive...and forget...and blaming them wont help...db? and maybe i dont know them well and vice versa...

and at the end of the day, its your choice if you want to be sad or be happy... as they say, "Happiness is a choice.." am pursing my happiness, that why, even if one day, we cross path, i can smile at them...

h0pe they can be happy as much as i do..... :)

ung songs po dito maganda..... i'm still tyring to download everything every shempre wala pa po...hehehee

and this teleserye is Good...

be back

everyone ask me, is there any chance to be back to each other and be happy again? I told them, i dont think so.... i guess we wont...ndi nman ako nagsasalita ng tapos, kasi ndi nman natin lam ang mangyayari db.. per0 sa ngayon, nku, 99.9 percent sure ako na ndi po.. dahil una, i know him, 2nd, kasi i think ndi na nya ako mahal, 3rd, siguro dahil alam ko lang..:) and because i know he never thought of having me back.... ndi nya un maiisip kahit na kelan... he doesnt even wanted to see me after..he doesnt even care about me....hehehe ndi nman ako bitter...i 'm just telling the truth... napatawad ko na naman sila.... Tapos na ung mga araw na umaasa ako..tapos na ung time na umiiyak ako....Magpakasaya na lang sila...at ako ay ganun din...


Natatanong ko kasi, sobrang faithful naman ako, binibigay ko na ung trust na gusto nya... wala nga akong kahit konting doubt eh... siguro dahil dun kaya nya nagawa un....per0 kaya nga ako naglet go at kaya ako nakamove on kasi lam ko na dun sya masaya, ano ba pa ang magagawa ko....nakapatanga ko naman kung aasa pa ako... I'VE DONE MY PART... nagawa ko na ang lahat to save anything, but then AYAW na nya... para saan ba? WORTH PA BA?
- ano ba to? tama na... :)

may mga tao lang na ndi pala dapat asahan ng mga pangako.. may mga tao na nang-iiwan sa ere... per0 may mga tao rin naman kahit konti eh pde asahan.. sa palagay ko (IMO lang ha?) out of 10, 1 na lang ang taong ndi nang-iiwan.....ung ndi manloloko..... 1 na lang siguro ung taong sa pinakalowest point ng buhay mo eh ndi ka iiwan at andyan pa rin para sa 'yo... nakapaNEGA ko ba about guys? ndi nman, siguro, sa panahon ngayon, un ang mahirap makita... dahil kung baga, eh, once in a blue moon na lang un...

now, i'm fixing my heart and my life...masaya na ako ngayon...ewan ko ba? hehehe ndi pa nga lang ako ready for some kinda serious relationship per0 i'm open about possibilities....

WHAT IF'S and WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

paanong magkakaroon pa ng pag-asa kung sumuko na? marami pa rin naman akong WHAT IF's and WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.... pe0 kung patul0y ak0ng magtatanong, may mangyayari pa ba? may mababago ba? sa bawat araw na dumadaan, mas narereliaze ko na, may mga BAGAY na NDI na DAPAT malaman pa...ndi lang dahil masasaktan ka, kundi un ang makakabuti sa lahat...

everytime na tatanungin ako ng mga tao, kung bakit, kung ano ang nangyari....i make it a point na ndi maging masama ang nangyari... na ndi dapat magbago ang lahat... sa palagay ko naman, ginagawa ko na NGAYON ang mga bagay na DAPAT ay noon ko pa ginawa...

my promise to him that ndi magagalit ang family ko sa kanya, pinipilit ko nang ibalik ang pagkakakilala nila sa kanya...ndi ko man nagawa na ndi sila magalit sa kanya nung una, lam ko ngayon nagawa ko na mang bawiin un sa kanila... siguro naman tama na ang idefend sya sa mga tao...i've done my part..

-------------------------

natanong ko sa sarili ko, bakit kung kelan mahal na mahal mo na ang isang tao, saka pa mawawala...? pe0 naisip ko na si God may ibang plano para sa akin.. parang preparation lang ito sa tamang tao para sa akin..naisip ko rin na siguro, bata pa ako to think of the possibility of finding someone, ung THE ONE... kasi before, i thought the person i am with is THE ONE..... pe0 un, sa kaaasa, NASAKTAN lang... time can only tell ung ano ang mangyayari, pe0 ndi na rin ako umaasa......WHY? because even before, umasa din ako na mahal din ako.. O0 minahal nga ako, pe0 only to hurt me and left me with my misery... end up crying per0 ngayon ok na talaga ako.....

Kaya lang napakaselfish ko nman to think na asa akin na lahat ng problema, only to realize na WALA pa ang pinagdaan ko sa mga taong MAS MALAKI at MAS MAHIRAP ang pinagdadaanan... Bless na siguro na may mga tao na HINDI AKO INIWAN... ung NDI AKO PINABAYAAN...

siguro kung may SIGNS, CLUES, COLDNESS akong naramdaman, sana naging madali ito para sa akin... ndi ko nga alam kung ndi ba nya pinaramdam sa akin oh, talagang tanga ako to realize at maramdamn un....

pe0 tapos na un eh, life has to go one.....marami pa ang mangyayari at darating... pe0ple come and go...they will leave us with lessons to be learned...wounds to heal...life to be enjoy.....be happy life is wonderful.... :)

hurting me this way is the worst thing you've ever done and you havent done anything to ease that pain, but then THANK YOU..... i am a stronger one.. no one can bring me down...i can no longer hold on to a promise... a promise you've made only not to fulfilled... you have given enough hurt to me, i can only pray for you happiness... and i just want to tell you, i'm not as selfish as you think i am..... let me tell you this, "you never give some effort to work things out, because if you did, things are not this way, you are the one who never wanted to see me even if i'd love to...even if i want to" i can't blame you... maybe i'm not that good enough for you...o kaya ndi ako ganun kasaya kasama.. or worst, you got TIRED AND BORED being with me....
well, life is sucks, but i have many more reasons to love my life.... Not only you can love me, because right now, i do have people who REALLY LOVE ME.... who REALLY CARES... {right guys, :)} i will continue the life i have before and i know in time, we will see each other, by then i can smile at you... coz simply now, i'm missing a very special friend i have.. i've lost him but i know, in time, we can be together and be the best of friends!!!!! hehehehe

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

LOLZ :))

i'm insane

i'm not okay since then...many times i felt like floating... ndi na nga ako nag-iisip eh... pinag-aalala ko ung mga tao sa paligid ko... i've done things na ndi ko dapat ginawa.... ndi ko lam, ndi ako makapag-isip ng matino..masama ba na umaasa at masama bang humingi ng chance... nasasaktan ka na dahil wala siyang ginagawa -- na wala kahit na anong salita na naririnig sa kanya kundi ayoko..... na sa ng nangyari, gusto mo man lumaban pero ung taong pinaglalaban mo umaayaw na..... siguro walang makakaintindi sa kin...


nahirapan lang ako tanggapin un dahil wala naman problema eh... bigla na lang nangyari... i just don't want to regret one day na wala akong ginagawa to survive it..... ndi ko lam kung mahal pa rin nya ko, ndi ko lam.... ndi ko rin alam kung mahal nya ba ako o naaawa na lang siya sa kin... ndi ko rin alam kung san patungo ang lahat ng ito, umaasa na lang ako na magiging okay ang lahat at kahit ndi madali bumalik sa dati, MAGHIHINTAY AKO... tulad dati.... TULAD DATI....kahit ndi na tulad ng dati, kahit may mabago, ndi naman maiiwasan ang pagbabago, basta maging masaya lang KAMI pareho... gusto ko lang maging masaya sya...


sa totoo lang ayoko na mag-isip pa ng ibang bagay, ang gusto ko na lang ay maramdaman nya na masaya ulet siya.... ndi ko kasi maramdaman iyon eh... basta alam ko... IT TAKES TIME...just have to wait for the right time...

Pain still Strike!!!

i don't know where to pick up myself from this dilemma… its been a week since then… yet things are still complicated… I still don’t know what to do… i just couldn’t find a word to describe what I’m feeling now… I’m beginning to hate my self.. I don’t know what happen to me these past few days… I’m being too paranoid…can’t help but cry at night….

Being with him for the past 20 months is the best thing happen to me… just can’t help but smile for those times that we two laugh for a simple reason.. how we have help each other in times of problems…

Sometimes I ask myself, what went wrong.. what have I done?

I consider this as a TEST… To make this relationship grow much stronger…. I just hope, with God’s help… in due time, i will be able to forget the past and move to the next level… and continue what we have started. A very beautiful start deserves a lasting relationship, right? Am I asking too much!!!

TEST... TRIAL

masakit pala na isipin, ung akala mo na ok lahat, tapos ndi pla... pero wala ka magawa kundi iaccept ang lahat simply because you love him and its enough that you trust him... i just hope it wont happen again...

i'm thankful that somehow he told me about it and though it may hurt us both, he knew na yun ang makakabuti para sa aming dalawa... wala naman ako ibang nasabi sa kanya kundi mahal na mahal ko xa.. na ibinibigay ko ulet sa kanya ang tiwalang ibinigay ko sa knya noon...

now.....................

back to zero ulet kami..pero ok lang.. pasalamat lang talaga ako kasi ndi agad xa nggive up... na ndi nya agad ako isinuko... una palang ito sa pinakamalaking problemang na-encounter namin sa relationship na to...lam ko na dahil dito mas tumatag pa ang relationship namin... na mas minahal namin ang isa't-isa...

drama na to, pero totoo naman eh..... i believe "LOVE MOVES IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS".....

dy, love you so much!! and you know that...

envy............................... bakit ba?

hindi pa rin pala nawawala ang salitang ENVY sa akin... i thought kaya ko na, na makita sya, with her beautiful smile, angelic voice. Hindi pa rin pala mawawala ang envy.... Wala pa rin siguro akong sinabi kapag sya na ang itinapat sa akin!!! i have nothing... i'm not beautiful, wala akong magandang boses...

Complaining to much..... i just don't know what to do... seeing her again even in pictures make me feel small...

I HATE BEING THIS WAY!!! I HATE BEING ENVY!!!!

hApi 0n mY biRthdAy

yAp, s0brAng hApi... Y? bEcAuSe i ceLebRated mY biRthdAy with 3 of thE m0st imp0rtAnt pers0ns i hAve in mY liFe... my MOM, my BROTHER and my BOYFRIEND...

my boyfriend i and ate lunch together, tapos sinundo ako sa w0rk, then kumain ulet.., then binigay nya ung gift nya sa kin?, then we went to Sam Miguel Food Shop to eat ICE CREAM... hmmmm............. tsarap!!! =)
late at night, my mom cooked SPAGHETTI for US (ME and Roxanne, kabirthday) hehehehe, with CAKE from MYRA (whew, special mentioned, Mymy) hehehe, tnx to y0u My for the delicious cake... hehehe

this is one of the most special birthday i celebrate my whole life and i will never forget that!!! i'm happy being with my mom and brother, and with my daddy_k0h!!!
i'm so much to tenk you God... you have blessed me with so much blessings last year and i know you will continue to shower all of us what we deserve.... You've keep us safe from all dangers and sickness... I thank you Our Dear Lord, for loving me and all of us unconditionally... No words can discribe You and GREAT You are... Love You God... and as always, THANK YOU!!!

*************************************************************************
Thank you po sa mga nakaalala sa birthday ko...!! tnx po ng marami!!!! =)
i appreciate p0 tAlAgA at naalAlA ny0 birthday k0h!!!

after all i've said and done......

I, for so many times, a childish, immature and insensetive....He's understanding, patient and very kind... should i let him go...? when there's no room for forgiveness, he does..... i have so much to thanks to you, 'dy!!!

*********12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12****************

Thank God we're ok n0w!!! i mean, much much OK and much better, i guess? there's no need for long talks..... a single and tight hug and assurance that things will be ok and things just get better... we just have to be strong for each other, especially me... because i am the WEAK one..... Thank God that my daddy_koh never fails to understand....(i just hope ndi xa mapagod... and i wont let it happen, right 'dy?) i promise that i will do my best (yeah, my very best to cope with changes....for nothing in this world is constant but change....)

silly, i almost broke up with him, i never thought (that night) that i'm hurting him.... i just hope dy, you understand (i know you do....) and i hope its not to late na ako naman ang bumawi sa lahat lahat... nakakaguilty talga, kasi sobrang bait nya at i know how much he loves me, tapos ganun pa ang gagawin ko....

basta dy, tnx sa lahat lahat, at sana makabawi ako sa y0 sa lhat ng mga nagawa ko!!!!!

wat kind of girlfriend i am?

wala akong kwenta, i dont deserve some one like him..sobrang haba ng pasensya, sobrang bait... as in lahat lahat na... napakawalng kwenta ko... i should be thankful sa lahat lahat ng gingwa nya... i should be strong for him and for our relationship..... sobrang liit na problema, nagiging malaki dahil sa kin.... i dont deserve him, yet, he's always there for me, and made me realize the things i have.... pagkatapos ng lhat ng ginawa nya for me.... wala talaga..... i can not ask for more for i know i have the best... but what am i doing....? what have i done?

STILL IMMATURE, SELFISH, INSENSITIVE...


Wala akong kwenta....

i'm so sorry........ i hope its not too late.......................... ='(

SAVE YOUR FILES

damn, i felt so stupid!!!, kanina pagdating ko( or maybe an hour ago pagdating ko), may dumating na customer, nagpapagawa ng invitation para sa christening... so we accept it... then, i started lay-outing kung anong design according to his taste.. waa nag-error ang photoshop, halos tapos na ung invitation.... stupid of me, i forgot to save it.... ndi ba napakatanga ko....? i work hard for it.. ndi ako masyado marunong sa photoshop, kaya ganito na lang ang frustration at galit ko sa sarili...i even redesign it, after he left kasi may klase pa daw xa, (he is a teacher...) kakahiya talga!!! i made it for almost an hour.. if only marunong talaga ako ng ndi lang basic ng photoshop i should have done it ng mas madali.. at sana naisip ko na mag-SAVE... stupid, tanga talaga.... =)

love love love

Hayyy!!!!!! Napakadameng taO ang naghahanap ng
Pagmamahal... Minsan Kala mO...
KayO na para sa isat isa..
Kala mO sapat na lahat ng ginagawa
MO para sa kanya..
HalOs kalimutan Mo Na sarili
Mo para sa KAnya.

Andyan Ung sinasabihan Ka Ng mga
Kaibigan Mong
TANGA
BOBO...
MANHID..
MARTIR..
pero D mO pa dIN maiwan...
Andyan ung ginag*go ka harap hArapan
Pero kaw nmn Cge Ka pa din...
Tapos..
PAGTAPOS NG LAHAT... Ang Ending
IIWAN KA DIN PALA....

Putchang pagmamahal yan..
bakit kelangan pa maranasan db...
Kung pwede nmng hindi..
kung pwede nmn magisa ka habang buhay....
mahirap talaga magmahal.. masaya na malungkot..
na mahirap.. na masarap... MASAYA...
kase ndi ka magisa masarap
ung pakiramdam na may NAAALAGA SAYO...
May NAGAALALA PARA SAYO...

MalungkOt pag dating nung tym
na kelangan mO na lUmayO sa taOng mahal mO...
ung Kahit mahal MO cya Kelangan MO cyang Pakawalan..
Lalo Nat MerOn Ng Ibang
Taong MAgmamahal Sa Kanya...

Mahirap.. Kapag Lahat ng taO SA
paligid MO ayaw sa Taong mahal MO...
Ung tiPong
YOU AND ME AGAINST b**chES.. Este THE WORLD...

MASARAP... lalO na pag
nararamdaman mOng mahal ka din
ng taOng mahal mO...

Hayy Pagmamahal...
Minsan Kahit na ganO kahirap
ang sarap sarap maranasan..
ung tipong.. lahat igigive uP MO para sa taOng mahal mO..
ung tipong papakita Mo sa kanya na Mahal na mahal Mo cya...

Andyan ung susuway ka sa mGa Magulang Mo..
Andyan Ung magrragOunded Ka
at magatatagO ka sa sulOk pa
bulOng buLong ka pa habang gamit ang
wireless fOne nYO habang nakikipaghagikgikan
ka sa Bf/Gf mO..

ANDYAN ung May Nagmamayari na sayO..
PerO may Nakilala kang Iba Na
nakitang Mong mas magiging masaya ka..
kung baga napakanta ka ng
" BAKIT NGAYON KA LANG DUMATING SA BUHAY KO " haha...

Andyan Ung bigla ka na lang
mapapangiti habang nasa sasakyan ka
dahil naalala mo ung nakakatawang
panyayari sa inyong dalawa...

andyan din ung kahit ayaw
sayo ng buOng pamilya Nya
Ipingalalaban Mo pa din cya...

Andyan din ung kahit malayO kayO sa isat isa..
Pinipigilan Mo sarili
Mong maghanap ng iba kase ayaw
Mo cya masaktan

PAra nmn sa mga ASa Chat..
KAKAIN KA SA HARAP NG PC...
MATUTULOG KA SA HARAP NG PC...
PINAGPAPAWISAN SA HARAP NG PC...
HALOS UMIKOT BUHAY MO KASAMA NG PC MO...
hehe.. mahirap db...

anO nga ba Kase Ang Pagmamahal..
panO MO ba malalaman Pag Ung taOng mahal mO..
ehhh Un ung tamang taO na dapat Mahalin...
DApat Ba Pag Nagmahal ka ndi ka masasaktan??
DApat Ba Pag nagmahal ka Laging maSAya??...
Ikaw?? panO ka ba Magmahal??
At anung Klaseng taO ang kAya Mong mahalin???
Saka Bakit Ang hirap Kalimutan NG taOng Mahal mO...???

DAmeng Tanung..
Me sagot nga Ang hirap nmn intindihin..
Ang hirap i explain...
BASta Nararamdaman MO na lang..
TAPOS... hehe sabi nga Nila..
Ang Pagmamahal daw ndi pinapaliwanag... PINAPARAMDAM... >>
kelan Mo ba huling pinaramdam sa
taOng mahal Mo na mahal na mahal Mo cya?? >>

Kelan ka Gumawa ng Isang Special na bagay PAra sa Kanya?? >>
Kelan Ba ung Huling Sabi Mo Ng MAHALAGA KA SAKIN...???

Hayy pAgibig MAgulO..
Ayaw MO gustO ka..
GustO MO.. Ayaw ka...
Bakit May Iba nmn Hindi makuntentO....

Pagibig PAgibig... nakakalito..
NAKAKABURAT... nakakapraning..
PERO MASARAP....


HINDI NMN MAHALAGA NA NASAKTAN KA DB...
NA MINSAN SA BUHAY MO NAGMUKHA KANG TANGA..
ANG MAHALAGA NATUTO KAng MAGMAHAL
AT MAY NATUTUHAN KA SA MGA NARANASAN MO...


(from http://pinoy-designz.net forum)

1 Corithians 13:4-13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

i miss my high school friends!!!

whew, i had i dream last night, and i was pretty sure that i really miss my high school friends.. my bestfriend Erikah!!, my bru friend Rose, the nagger Jona (the married one, hehehe), the small one, (ndi na ata sya tumangkad) Marvin, the tall one (xa talga ang halatang tumangkad sa amin) Arnel, my ever loyal manliligaw (hehehe, joke lang kuya) and the quiet one, Jan...the naughty one, Mark,... hay miss ko na kay0 talaga!!! h0pe to see you soon, i really missed all of you.. my dream last night, brings back the memories that i really miss doing... our laughs, our kulitan time, our asaran time, guz i really missed all of you!!!

check out our pics before: hehehe :-}

e2 na ngayon ang best ko...ang beauty queen naming magkakaibigan... ganda db?
e2 naman si marvin, yung kasama nya, gf nya.... finally he found the one.....
kami naman e2 ni bru rose, feel magcube, hehhehehe taba ko nung hs ako... hehe every one tinutukso ako dahil mataba ako...

15months and still.......

August 12, 2006 - our 15th monthsary... yes 15 months...whew, he's been so nice and sobrang mahal ko xa.....I know you knew h0w much!!! coz I may n0t be the prettiest girlfriend you've been with, but all i have is a promise to love you.... I may have been a hardheaded, stubborn, childlike attitude, or even a pain in your neck, you know that I always wanted to change not just for this relationship to last but for me to become matured and be good enough for you because I know you deserve "MORE"... you've always been such a blessing... I always thank God for you, as much I am thankful of the life He as given me and the life I have with you.. and you know that I am afraid and still don't know what will happen if I lose you... I love you!!! you know my promise, I am ready for FOREVER!!!!!

a promise and a friend

two topics in a row

I promise I will not put myself down....That's a promise to be keep talaga!!! I promise!!!! I don't have any regrets, I h0pe I can survive this, I know in time I can make it!!!! I just have to have to accept that I can't do it (that certain thing I guess!!!) I just have to accept the fact that nasanay na naman ako for that matter... but I love it!!! I really do.....

a friend will be leaving any time soon...I will definitely miss her...she's leaving for Dubai (too far!!! ("_") waaaa!!) she's one of the people whom i treasure and love so much!!!! i just h0pe she will remember me and still have communication when she leaves with his brother... i will miss her talaga!!! her smile, her laughs, her "masakit sa tenga na boses kapag tumitili" (its a joke but quite true, mejo masakit per0 not annoying *wink*) just email me if you feel like you wanted to see us or be with us, i will always be here for you, still....i will miss you sis!!!!!! be good and take care ok!!! lab yah sis!!!!

Ikaw - Brenan Espartinez

Ikaw

I

Kailan kaya maibabalik ang nakaraan

Ngayong aking puso'y puno ng kalungkutan

Subukin man ang magmahal

Umibig pang minsan kahit sa pangarap man lang

Chorus:

Ikaw ang tangi kong mahal

Ang laging kong dasal na sana ay matagpuan

Ikaw, hangang sa kailanman

Hindi magsasawa na magmahal kahit nasasaktan

II

Hiling ko lang sa maykapal muli ay makamtam

Tamis ng pagsuyo kailan mahahagkan

Hinding hindi ipagpapalit kahit kanino man

Asahan mong maghihitay

Ikaw ang siyang buhay!

Chorus:

Ikaw ang tangi kong mahal

Ang lagi kong dasal na sana ay matagpuan

Ikaw, hanggang sa kailanman

Hindi magsasawa na magmahal kahit nasasaktan

Wala ng hahanapin pa...

Wala ng iibigin pa kundi

ikaw...Ikaw...

Ikaw ang tangi kong mahal

(Ang lagi kong dasal na sana ay matagpuan)

Ikaw, hanggang sa kailanman

Hindi magsasawa na magmahal kahit nasasaktan

SobrAng gAndA ng s0ng na 'to!!! ;-) h0pe you enjoy it as much as i do!!!! OPM S0ng Rulez!!!

editing

whew, it been a long time since i edit my first ever website i made....well its not beautiful but its quite ok naman...!!! i'm not so creative as compare to my other classmate, ahihhi, but i made it myself, as in myself, i do ask for some advise but i make it myself...(hehehehe pointing out na ak0 talga ang gumawa db? ahhihihih) h0pe y0u'll appreaciate it as much as i do....tnx!!!!!

kulet talga!!!

kULet ng daddy_k0h n0h!!! yan ung picture na kinuha gamit ang cel ni myra...eh bigla ba naman ganyan ang type nyang mode for that day!!! kulet talga!!! he never fails to make me smile... tulad na lang kagabi, before sya umuwi, tumawa na lang ak0 ng tumawa dahil sa kanya, would you believe that... sakit ng tiyan ko after that!!!! tingnan ny0 nmn ak0 yan, smile na kung smile db? eh sya wala mgawa kaya ganyan ang mukha!!! makulet p0 talga xa... per0 cute ng picture na yan!!!! hehehe like k0 talga yan!!!

i'm g0ing crAzy =(

how could i possibly erase the thoughts i have in mind... ? ndi ko man lang makalimutan un... i'm afraid i can't keep the promise... well i can...its just that i'm having a second thought about it... well he said we can, then we can...

here i am, walang magawa kundi pagblog....wala masyado ginagwa at wala ring customer!!! trying to think of the possible thing i can do to erase the thoughts that keeps running in my head...whew.....

wala makakaintindi sa kin...mer0n sigur0..si daddy_k0h???? waaaaaa, prang i might explode anytime...!!!!